Nearly 3 weeks ago whilst I was abroad with my family on holiday I got the terrible news my youngest brother had found our other brother passed away. Cut a long story short, the post mortem revealed no cause of death. Now waiting 8 weeks for toxicology results but at least can get on with funeral arrangements.
My brothers were best friends and did everything together. Our father died 3 years ago and our aunt last year. Our mum is in her early 80s and is not coping.
My grief is not only for myself but I’m really starting to be occupied with thoughts of how my brother will continue to live his life. He is vulnerable, a functioning alcoholic and sadly lost the sight of one eye last month. He lives with mum and now I’m worrying what will happen to him when she goes.
I’m so sorry for the loss of your brother, @HS5842. I’m just giving this thread a gentle bump - I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support.
I am so sorry you lost your older brother. I started to drink several month after I lost my brother February 2022. (He was the older one.) I did drink for several months until I noticed what I was doing and stopped again.
Please look out for your older brother, it might be much harder for him.
I am battling with PTSD now. People often miss it, I did too. I just read about it today. (2 year and 5 months later)
My brother and I did everything together too. We drove around for 12 years (2007 to 2019) visiting manor houses after our mother died in 2006.
How are you doing? There will be probably a time when everything gets a bit harder for a while.
Thank you for taking the time to reply to me. I’m so sad to hear about your experience and really hope you come out the other side very soon. What amazing memories you and your brother made together.
I definitely suspect PTSD. I cannot imagine walking in expecting to spend an enjoyable evening with your brother only to find him passed. Then 5 hours with him whilst waiting for police etc. I just keep letting him know I love him. Sometimes he responds, sometimes not. I know he saw a doctor last week but he hasn’t shared any outcome.
I’m up and down. Mornings are the worst. Planning the funeral now. Small steps and one day at a time.
All best wishes to you, Nick. Keep me posted on how you’re doing? Heather.
just checking that you are OK. I had a bad day yesterday. A good friend had to be rushed to hospital with a thrombosis and I have not heart form him since. He is in his eighties and I am worried. I tried to call him several times but did not get any reply. Will try to call him at about 9 or 10.
How are you feeling today, you have not posted for several days now. I hope you are OK. It does not matter what or whom you write. Please write to someone. Sitting at home and doing nothing is not a good idea. I know, I do it a lot. Depression feeds on being alone.
Sitting in the sun and eating chocolate does help.
some good news. My friend is back home again. They did an ultra sound of his leg to check the blood flow. I will probably talk to him on Jitsi later. (I think I will sleep better tonight.)
I will go to the jigsaw club at the local community support centrer later, unless I fall asleep. Not much else to do here.
That’s great news, Nick. Very pleased. My niece has just arrived from Finland for her dad’s funeral on Wednesday. All very surreal currently.
I’ve started therapy, mainly to help me try and understand my younger brother. It’s his journey and decisions to take and I’m trying to understand that I can’t snap my fingers and make him better. I pray he will work his way through.
Thank you so much for checking on me. I really appreciate knowing you were thinking of me. x
I just wanted to reach out as I also lost my brother 6 weeks ago Saturday. We’ve just had the funeral. He died in a motorbike accident, but we haven’t had a cause of death and are waiting for tests to come back, the same as you. Post mortem showed injuries but no obvious life-threatening injuries. We’re not sure if he died instantly or over time, as he went missing at 12:30 at night and wasn’t found until 5am in the middle of a local roundabout.
I completely understand your grief and also the need for answers. The tests and pathology take so long and we feel like we’re being drip fed answers.
@adz i’m so sorry to have missed your support. How are you doing? Stuart’s funeral yesterday was really tough. Today is a bad day. There’s a certain feeling of companionship, comforting, sharing stories. Can you let me know how you’re getting on when you feel ab
Yesterday was tough. I sobbed all the way through. Amazingly, Chris did much better than me (on the outside anyway). No sign he’d had a drink at all. I was so worried people would judge him if he’d turned up drunk. That’s horrible of me - they would have been understood. Maybe.
the day yesterday will go around in your head for a while but it should get better soon. Your relationship with your brother will probably improve over the next few months. That is what happened to my brother and me. As I wrote few days ago, we drove around visiting manor houses and it helped. Our minds were occupied, and, we made new memories.
I also sobbed at my brother’s funeral all the way through and did not even stop when I went outside.
My friend has still problems with his foot but it is not what I thought. He has an infection in his left foot and taking antibiotics and it will take some time to get better.
I have a bad day today but do not know why. Will go outside and cuddle my cat Tammy, that normally helps.
I also talk to my friend every day. Being alone when mourning is not a good idea. He also lost his wife a while ago. We use “Jitsi Meet”. https://meet.jit.si/ - you could have a look on YouTube
sorry for not writing earlier, I was not feeling well the last few days. (Just depression and anxiety.) When will it stop. Need a new brain too. The bad TV programme does not help either. - How are you and your bother coping?
All the best.
That sounds rough. I’m sorry. TV certainly is a distraction but not when there’s nothing on you fancy.
I think the best way to describe how I’m feeling is desperately sad. I tried a bit of therapy- seems I’ve been grieving for others, ie. My mum for losing her son, niece for losing father and brother for best friend etc. Not for myself. I’ve not contacted anyone for a couple of days and nobody has checked in on me. So, I need to look after number one for a while.
Looking at how much cremation plots cost today - a lot!!
Thank you for caring. I appreciate it. Hope your fog lifts a bit soon. I will check in on you soon.
How are you doing? Is the anxiety and depression- eased at all? I do hope so. One day at a time. Sometimes one hour at a time and so on.
I’ve been quite encouraged by my brother. He seems to have a strategy in place for going back to work on Monday. He was supposed to have gone back this week, however.
my depression started shortly after the first year and it has been getting slowly better for some time now. Still some ups and downs though. I have been on antidepressants for some time but never liked them. I was not myself. Still have some somewhere in a draw. I now eat 6 or 9 pieces of chocolate when I am down. I could also do with some more calories, not eating well at the moment. (Never was a good eater like my brother.) Do you have friends to talk to when you are down? Try to talk to your brother whenever you can.
I am writing all this because I made a lot of mistakes. I did hide for a long time. Perhaps you and your brother could go to a cinema, choose a comedy if possible.
sorry for not writing earlier. Nothing really going on at the moment. Just waiting, but do not know what for. It was hot today, 31C and I did not go anywhere today. I normally join a jigsaw club on Mondays. I hope it will be a bit cooler tomorrow, I will go to the local community support centre for a meal again. - How is your brother doing?
That’s interesting - waiting but you don’t know what for. A feeling of being in limbo, maybe? It’s been very hot and uncomfortable indeed. Hope you’ve made it to the meal, sounds a good thing to do with company around you. Chris has gone back to work today which is amazing. I really thought he’d cry off. I’ve told him how proud I am of him. I hope he can keep it up. I’m doing okay but saw my mum on Saturday and am saddened at how upset she is - cries most of the time. She won’t seek help as she says it’s too early in her journey for her. Maybe she will be a bit better if she sees Chris getting back in a routine as she’s probably very worried about him too. I did up my antidepressants for a bit and I might put the dose down again, see what happens. Take good care of yourself, Nick. Heather
So sorry for your loss , pain and grief .
We as a family have the bracca 1 gene fault , i have lost several family members to cancer .
When i was 2 my grandad died age 48 .At 14 years old my Gran died age 51
At 21 years old my mum died age 41.
Now January 2024 my sister died age 59 .
I am going through complex grief, and feel that i cant cope with all the pain .
Ive buried my grief for so long that its overwhelming.
Friends disappear, even though you support them in their time of need .
Any advice
yesterday was so hot that I did not go anywhere, not even into the park. The heat today was not too bad and I went to the community support centre for the weekly meal again.
It is good that Chris is coping and working again, not much time to think. But, remember, people sometimes hide their real feelings. I sometimes play it down a bit, it is easier when I am talking to someone. I do not want to breakout in tears. Well, I think they know anyway.
My first antidepressants where much too strong and I often only took half of a tablet. I am without any at the moment. Do you have some space where you can go for a walk? I find it relaxing. My favourite is spoiling the dogs in the park with some dog treats.