Hi, sorry if this isn’t the right place… I am just feeling very lost and I don’t want to burden my family.
My dad passed away very unexpectedly 3 weeks ago. The funeral is in a couple of days. The last few days I having been feeling less numb and more sad/unable to string coherant thoughts together
My problem is my partner is going through a really tough time on top of this (going through possible cancer diagnosis and is in pain). They have been amazing supporting me so far. However today I have let them down massively, my family are down for the funeral and want to visit (theres very little to do around here, we have a puppy and a new house they would like to see). I want to see them, my partner is fine with this but gets stressed about visitors and having to have the house immaculate. We have been tidying, this made their pain worse and I missed how upset they were. This upset them more, understandably. I have put them in a position they arent happy about, made their pain worse and missed how bad it was and I feel awful.
I also feel awful because my dads just left me, I can’t talk this through with my family as they all have enough on their plates and I have hurt the person I love most because I cant think sensibly or see what is in front of me.
Sorry, I just feel very guilty and alone and useless and overwhelmed right now… what can I do to make things better? What do I do? Im not sure theres anything but things just keep getting worse
I’m so sorry you are going through all this at the one time. The most important thing you can do is explain this to your partner, it’s not that you didn’t consider them it’s that you’re unfortunately trying to navigate a new normal which is a huge adjustment wether we realise it or not. Please try not to be hard on yourself or feel guilty, discuss it with your partner and if anything use it as a helping tool for future, because even though you don’t feel numb anymore you are still going through a massive change and nobody can get it all right straight away.
None of us can put a sentence together. It is okay. None of us can put our heads on straight. It is okay.
You’ve a lot on your plate, but you aren’t a mind reader and when your partner is in too much pain, he/she needs to speak up.
An immaculate house is nice, but the pressure is not worth it. There is a manic phase of cleaning that many of us have experienced. Could this be it?
You are going to be alright. Let people love on you and fill your cup, so you have some to pour out for others. They are coming to see, not search, your house. It is not a white glove visit. It is family. They love you.
Much love.