Hi friends, I have never joined any group like this before, but it is sad times, I lost my soul mate married for 26yrs, together for 27yrs, very suddenly 14 months ago, he had alot of health issues but what he actually died of was not expected, and my son with special needs found him, and we both had to try and revive him…our eldest son doesn’t live in the UK but has fallen apart since his dad has passed, and I have to keep strong for my younger son and his medical issues and additional needs , and also so aware of how my oldest son is not coping while out of the country, and in the mean time , I feel (selfishly) on my behalf as my husband and I were such a team, now he has gone everything has been left to me…(obviously) yes and we lived in the old traditional world, he sorted the cheapest bills out etc, and i sorted the day to day living, as I was the only driver, hosp appointments etc, we would have a fab structure, working together, but now everything has been such a pressure, as well that I have started a 6 week radiotherapy course ( benign brain tumours) but I still have to be in charge of housework, shopping, hosp appointments,cooking, cleaning, etc, my son is helping me more, but no I have no family, just my Dad, and while I dont have a car at the moment, Iam not much use to him, ‘Taxi’ I have good neighbours, who are lovely, I have an Aunty who rings up and always offers her help, but she is in her middle 80’s so I will not put anyone out, I think some days how am I going to continue…Iam on auto pilot…I cannot let my heart break, or crumble, or just cry for no reason, that ache in my chest I hide because where do I go with it, the boys loved their Dad, he was a good man, but I feel all they see is he was their Dad, and a bit like now…Iam going through radiotherapy on my own, I grieve on my own, I miss him on my own…but Iam just not important enough to anyone to stop and give a pump…and that hurts, but my biggest hurt is that I cannot and have not grieved losing Stevie…because Iam not worth that respect…everyone else is more important x
I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling at this difficult time. I’m so sorry to hear about your husband. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support. In the meantime, you may wish to look at these Sue Ryder resources which might be helpful.
- Our Grief Guide self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you through your grief
- Our free Online Bereavement Counselling which is held via video chat
- Our Bereavement Information pages which can walk you through what you are going through.
I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.
Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.
Take care,
Alex
Hi just wanted to reach out to you .Im so sorry for your loss and all that you are going through .There is such a lot of supportive people on here so please dont feel alone you are important just reach out on here anytime .Sending you love and support anytime xx
Thank you Hope5, the acknowledgement is even lovely.
Just wanted to send you my love, you are not alone on here xxx
Hi just wondering how you are xx
Good Morning. You are the most important person just now…you are trying to cope for everyone and you aren’t well yourself with the therapy you are having to have but you must always remember you are very important, to you sons and your other family but most of all to yourself. At this time you have to put yourself first
Your husband will be watching and worrying about you so I think you really need to speak with someone and pour your heart out. You’re carrying all this weight but you can share it. Difficult but you can. You’ve made the first step here.
This site is invaluable and reading others post we realise everyone is going through this in different ways and at different stages but we all cry and you must do too for your own wellbeing.
Hi Hope5
Iam sort of okay I think, the radiotherapy is making me tired but still managing day to jobs of life, so I think my mind is focusing on getting me through treatment without to much upset, but thank you for your regard, and would like to ask hiw you are, and if this group has helped you, if you dont mind me asking.
Love Fiona
Hi sorry you have so much going on in your life and hope your treatments are going welland you have some support .Its nearly 2 years since my partner died and although im doing better now and the pain is not so raw like in the beggining i still miss him every day and i think i always will . I carnt praise this site enough people on here are lovely .I joined in 2023 when he died and got such a lot of help and support and made two good friends i keep in contact with we have met up for lunch a few times .And im sure it will help you . Just take baby steps and be kind to yourself xxx
I’m so sorry that you are going through so much at a time when you have lost your husband. There are many people on this site who will be willing to offer their advice and experience. It’s awful having to do so much on your own but all I can say is stay on autopilot as long as you need to, live hour by hour and make sure you eat well and rest as much as you can although that can be difficult.