Its 7 weeks in from watching my husband Ron die with a heart attack at home in early hours .I phoned ambulance but it didnt arrive and after an hour he just quietly passed away age 72, we had been married 31 years .At first we are in shock today I wrote this in my journal writting really seems to help . Its 6.30 am ,I am on the floor ,the tsunami has hit from behind and floored me and I cant get up as have no strengh .I will have to just lie here curled up and wait for someone to help me including God.I cant pretend anymore that I’m ok and recovering, I’m not in that place yet I’m on the floor trying to accept a loss that’s unacceptable, trying to see myself moving on but at the moment I’m on the floor and cant get up yet. Kind people bring me things trying to help me get up ,my two precious daughters get down on the floor with me when I need them to .I’m so grateful to family and friends .I know many people are going through the pain of loss and may e on the floor like I am at the moment, but we will get up again as we dont belong there ,its just a resting place where love repairs us .
Hi Sue. I cried when i read your post. I lost my husband to cancer nearly 8 weeks ago and i feel the same lost and overwhelmed. Its terrible isnt it. I am so gutted and heartbroken too. Hugs to you keep strong
Hi sue
I’m sorry for your loss. I just wanted to comfort you a little if I can by telling you that it’s unlikely your husband would have survived even if an ambulance had got to you quicker. Very few people survive heart attacks outside of hospital and it’s very common for people to die from them even in hospital.
My dad had a heart attack at home when he was just 53. An ambulance was with us very quickly but they couldnt save him. Equally my mum died of a brain hemorrhage 6 months ago. She was in hospital having an op on her carotid artery and a team were monitoring her looking out for a stroke to occur. When it did they couldnt save her either.
Its very unlikely your husband would have survived.
Cheryl x
It’s 7 weeks for me also 
My husband was in hospital for an MRI scan and took a massive heart attack they tried for 37 mins to bring him back but it was not to be. I think I am still a bit in shock at how quickly it happened and how unexpected it was so I know how you feel. I can only imagine how distressing it was for you to have witnessed this 
I don’t know how we will ever get over such a loss
V x
I am so sorry. I know what you mean. I keep thinking the same. How will i ever get through life with out him We were together 47 years and i miss him every minute. I cant get passed it. I keep thinking is it normal to be crying all the time, and have all these thoughts and feelings going through my head. It is the most traumatic thing i have ever endured. It is 8 weeks tomorow for me, 7 weeks for you it isnt very long so grieving is all we are doing for now and it is so hard.
Eileen, 47 years is such a long time to be together you must miss him so much. I was only married to Colin for 10 years after having been married to other partners we were lucky to have found each other and he was the love of my life. I try to console myself that I was lucky to have been loved when some people never have that chance. Like you it is the most traumatic thing to ever happen to me. I lost my mum 3 weeks before Colin, she died when we were on holiday so I wasn’t with her I wasn’t with Colin either it was a phone call from the hospital before I arrived to tell me he had gone, I replay that morning constantly which I am sure you do as well. Chatting to people such as yourself has helped me when I am struggling ( which is a lot) and although I have tremendous support from family and friends they don’t know what it’s like to go through this like we do
Chin up
V x
Hi mrscolt
Its a shock when it happens in hospital and thet have gone in for something routine isnt it?
Mums operation was an hour long and she was expected home the following day. I’ve no idea why she had a brain hemorrhage there.
I’m sorry for your loss. You were expecting a simple MRI scan and he died. It just adds to the shock and pain.
I’m thinking of you. Luckily I didn’t witness what happened to mum as she was in the recovery room only just out of surgery. But I did arrive at my parents before the ambulance for my dad. Both events have been very sudden and difficult to come to terms with x
Yes its lovely when you find your sole mate. It doesnt matter the length of time that you have been together it is still heartwrenching isnt it. We were lucky to have had that time with them but i wish it had have been longer as i am sure you do and others like us do to. It such sadness and grief. I just wish i could control the anxiety that i keep getting that is the worst. Anyway keep strong and thanks x
C1971 that is terrible about how your Mum went you would be thinking the worst was over too isn’t life cruel 
V x
Eileen, yes I wish we had been granted longer together, never enough time with the one person who is your whole world we thought we would have another 20 years together. Can’t comprehend that he’s gone and I am left on my own. It is so hard especially if you are suffering from anxiety I think it’s all part of the process and just takes time. Even getting out of bed is an achievement and we have survived these last 7/8 weeks so I assume we can keep going forward as hard as it is. You know there is always someone on here feeling the same as you if you need to share.
Sending positive thoughts
V x
Thank you. I need some positivity. Cant seem to get some for myself. Im trying though and will come out of this .I cant believe my hubby has gone either. Its so hard just getting through each day. Life is so empty for me now and as you said it takes time .
Hi Eileen, I was so anxious after my Mum also died in June age 92 that I had to see my GP and get some medication which did help and I’ve got off it now .I was just recovering when my husband died and I now have bereavement councelling. My anxiety did go ,its really insecuity in our new reality and will subside with acceptance , so I must be making progress .I do find a lot of comfort from reading the psalms in the bible . We are stronger than we think .
hi Sue. A lot of what you said makes sense to me. I am anxious each day. I feel so empty inside and i am struggling living on my own too. I miss my hubby so much now, and before he died as he was always asleep being so poorly and so couldnt have a conversation with him. I miss that and am often here on my own not talking to anyone only the dog. I understand i have to accept this new reality as you said. I wish my mind would understand it. I dread each day coming if i havent got any plans. I dont feel like i can offer anything to anyone at present as i do feel so down.
Hi Eileen ,my mind cant understand it either ,I’ve never experienced pain like it .I didnt expect Ron to go like that we were out shopping the day before .I know it seems impossible because of the grief that overwhelms but do everything you can to enjoy little things that give you pleasure .We will get through this, keep telling yourself you can ,do you have any other family or friends who can support you ?Sue x
Hi Sue, I have family who are supportive, but they are at work every day and cant always be there. Friends are great too but some have husbands and others live a a fair way from me. i am selling my house and hoping to move to an area where it will be easier for me to get more support. In the meanwhile i will have at least a few more months to cope. Its the anxiety that really gets to me. Then i am hopelessly crying and upset for a time. For some reason im struggling to motivate myself to drive the car. i put it off all the time. Then sometimes i just do it. Its weird and i know it is just stress that is affecting me. I can hear my husband telling me " You can do it" so i wont stop trying. but it is so hard. So sorry to hear about your Ron. I understand what you mean about the grief it takes over and it does give you an aching pain and sorrow it is awful. Take care xx
Hi Eileen, glad you have some support and will get more if you move ,hope your house sells quickly. My house is so quiet because my husband talked so much good job I was a good listener 
. I have my two dogs for company they really help ,take care Sue x
Hi Sue, I find the house so quiet too. My husband was quiet really but its just the little things like asking do you want a brew or what we having for tea or the tv programmes we both liked. We just did our own thing and were happy in each others company. It so difficult when you open the door to come home. Just the little dog to greet us nowwhich i love though. Thats when it hits me and i burst into tears. I know its only 8 weeks since he died but it seems an eternity. I hate each day and i dont enjoy anything at present. I just keep going. I wonder if i will ever be normal again. Thanks for your reply Sue x
Hello, Mrs Colt,
I am very moved by your post, your description in your post hits the nail on the head precisely, thank you for sharing.
I am signing off now, I am still unwell after my stay in hospital.
Blessings,
MaryL
Aww thank you MaryL. Hope you feel a bit better tomorrow after a good night’s sleep. You have had a rough time.
Look after yourself
V xx
Thank you, Mrs C.
x x x x