I lost my mum on Wednesday she was only 65 and I am 38 with 3 children, she was our world as we were hers. Although she had terrible health her whole life, a lung condition, diabetes, bad heart and had a bad hip which she was waiting to get sorted, her death was unexpected and sudden. She woke in the morning normally 6.30 and went on her nebulizer as she did every morning and died sitting upright on her nebulizer, we live in Romford and she is margate with her mum my nan and my nan brought her morning tea in and found her. The night before she had spoken to my children on facetime as she did every night and seemed fine. Although she had her health problems she was so full of life truly the best mum and nan in the world everyone that met her loved her she would do anything for anyone. I’m struggling so much I don’t know how I’m going to go on without her I spoke to her on facetime every morning with my coffee and every night she spoke to the kids. I just feel like it wasn’t her time why did she wake and go on her nebulizer, she was planning a cruise for when her hip was sorted. Why did she just die then with no indication she was going to go and she would never want to leave us without warning she knew I couldn’t survive without her I wasn’t ready. None of it makes sense my heart is broken nothing matters without her. How do I go on everything reminds me of her I feel like nothing is important anymore no special moments matter without her. She was truly my best friend and my life has changed forever I don’t feel like I’ll ever be happy again. Am I selfish when she had so many health conditions is it true what everyone tells me she’s health free and in heaven with her best friend and her own dad who she missed terribly. Is she still with us watching us??
Hi Stacey,
I can relate to each and every word you have written. I am so sorry for your loss. My mom (only 58) had no health ailments. I’m 31. She passed away 3 weeks ago due to cardiac arrest. My world has been shattered since that day and I am in so deep pain that I can’t express. First few days I was rolling on the floor crying. My sister who is older than me took care of me and boyfriend is helping me heal. I wanted to end my life but I know I can’t do it to my dad. I can understand how you feel. Ppl shouldn’t die young. My mom and I had so many plans. I was looking forward to mom and dad visiting me in Seattle. My mom is my everything. I rarely leave my room and cry everyday. Our moms are with us. They are in the same room and us. I have watched several near death experience videos since then that I believe in after life now. Your mom will never leave you. She is sitting right next to you while you read the post. I don’t know how I will keep living without her as my day started with her and ended with her.
I am devastated just like you are.
I know your mom had health issues but this was not her time to go. She must be happily fighting those issues. I hate when people say that it’s good they are not in pain anymore. How can it be good. They deserve to live.
I can’t ask you to stay strong because I myself can’t do it . I am reading this audio book Good grief by Theresa Caputo and it’s helping me a lot. She says the spirits never leave us and she says it in a practical way so it’s very believable. I would suggest you to either read it or get it on audible.
I write all day in a diary to her and read it out loud because I know my mom can hear me. At this very moment I have her picture on my chest.
You are not alone. Injustice has happened with us.
Just remember you are her DNA. You are made from her cells. So you have to take care of something she made- YOU.
Hi Stacey,
I can relate to each and every word you have written. I am so sorry for your loss. My mom (only 58) had no health ailments. I’m 31. She passed away 3 weeks ago due to cardiac arrest. My world has been shattered since that day and I am in so deep pain that I can’t express. First few days I was rolling on the floor crying. My sister who is older than me and her husband (who’s actually like a big brother to me) took care of me and boyfriend is helping me heal. I wanted to end my life but I know I can’t do it to my dad. I can understand how you feel. Ppl shouldn’t die young. My mom and I had so many plans. I was looking forward to mom and dad visiting me in Seattle. My mom is my everything. I rarely leave my room and cry everyday. Our moms are with us. They are in the same room and us. I have watched several near death experience videos since then that I believe in after life now. Your mom will never leave you. She is sitting right next to you while you read the post. I don’t know how I will keep living without her as my day started with her and ended with her.
I am devastated just like you are.
I know your mom had health issues but this was not her time to go. She must be happily fighting those issues. I hate when people say that it’s good they are not in pain anymore. How can it be good. They deserve to live.
I can’t ask you to stay strong because I myself can’t do it . I am reading this audio book Good grief by Theresa Caputo and it’s helping me a lot. She says the spirits never leave us and she says it in a practical way so it’s very believable. I would suggest you to either read it or get it on audible.
I write all day in a diary to her and read it out loud because I know my mom can hear me. At this very moment I have her picture on my chest.
You are not alone. Injustice has happened with us.
Just remember you are her DNA. You are made from her cells. So you have to take care of something she made- YOU.
Thank you so much for that to hear you say my mum is sitting next to me means more to me then you will ever know, I really hope she is. The thought she is still with me is the only thing getting me through. Its so comforting to hear from someone going through the same thing and understands the pain & emptiness that i am. I told the children tonight and looking after them has made me stronger now they’ve gone to sleep I feel a broken mess again and it’s in these times I would normally call mum. I miss her face and her voice her comfort and warmth. Your so brave getting through these 3 weeks I don’t know how you’ve done it just by being strong for yourself and other adults, I know if it wasn’t for my little ones I couldn’t carry on. I’m definitely going to download that audio, I have been listening to near death experiences but I’m so optimistic I haven’t come across one yet which makes me believe she’s definitely in a better place, I’m desperate to know she’s somewhere happy with passed loved ones its what I’m hanging onto. I wish she would show me a sign but I suppose when I’m barely moving off my sofa I’m not going to get one. My bf made me have a bath today, I hadn’t even brushed my teeth since Tuesday everything just seems pointless i just want to sit here and grieve for her. If something comes on TV and I pay attention to it for a second I feel guilty I wasn’t thinking of her although I know she wouldn’t want me to be so upset I just want her to know how important she was to me. You say 3 weeks have passed, how are you now are you able to do daily tasks? Does the pain get any easier??
You are so brave for telling your kids about it. I am glad they are giving you strength to go through this nightmare. I didn’t brush for first 3-4 days, didn’t shower in the first week. And I totally relate to you when you say you feel guilty watching TV even for a second. I have hated myself for going out for walk which my sister forced me for. I didn’t eat much and I’m still barely eating. But I realized that my mom will hate this. So I started showering, brushing my teeth and eating. Just these basic things. My therapist said just try to be neutral right now. Assume you are a robot and do these tasks everyday.
Trust me each day is as difficult as day 1. I cry a lot. I keep thinking about it. Last texts and Everything.
This emotional pain is worse than any worst physical pain possible.
Just started watching Matt Fraser videos. Someone on this site suggested. Give it it a try too.
I am here. We are going through same thing so please reach out. We can help each other survive!
Take care!
I suddenly lost my Mum 7 weeks ago, up to the funeral I was in complete denial, just went to sleep, beginning to process things now so a lot more tearful, but think this is probably good, i am finding listening to music helps, especially Jealous of the Angel’s, by Kathryn Jenkinsen, which we played at my Mums funeral. Also, ‘scars in heaven’, and Enya’s song if ‘I could be where you are’, and ‘may it be’ have a look on you tube for songs that might help. At first i couldn’t concentrate on anything, but can now concentrate on things for about 1 to 2 hours, then have to rest, when I think about Mum, each day I feel different, today really missing chatting with her, yesterday I was anxious about whether I could have prevented her dying. I know Mum would want me to be ok and get back to enjoying life, which I will but it will take some time, just make sure you let other people help you xx
Thanks for the suggestion! Will listen to those songs.
So sorry for your loss. Don’t let your brain win here. Brain will make you overthink situations which were out of your control. Whenever such thoughts come to your mind, purposely forcefully think about something else…it can be some dish your mom made or some tv show or thinking about a cute puppy.
Thank you, good suggestion xx
Hi Stacey, how are you doing today? I’m still struggling and I know your answer is the same as mine but wanted to check in and give a virtual hug.
Thank you so much and giving you a virtual hug back. I’ve had a couple of numb days and gone a bit within myself. Tbh I’m not finding this group very helpful because although it makes me realise I’m not on my own nobody ever says the pain gets any easier and I suppose that’s what I’m looking for. 
That song jealous of the angels is beautiful I can’t stop listening to it thank you, I’ve never heard it before and how true I’m so jealous of the angels! xx
Glad the song is helping, it is a beautiful song, I hadn’t heard before either, and I did play it over and over again. Down to playing it once a day now, others have taken its place. I also find poetry useful, Amazon do cards with bereavement poems that I read, not high brow but still helpful. My brother found a poem that we read at the funeral by David Harkins that helped him. My Mum was a kind, but strong woman, I will be ok with time and so will you, if I am still not functioning in a few weeks I will seek out counselling, my Mum would want me to be ok, you just have to find things that help you. Also be kind to yourself and to your friends and family, take care xx