Sudden loss of Mum

Hi all.
This is new for me, but this charity has been recommended to me by my Sister
We lost Mum (aged 56) suddenly on the 22nd November.
She was on dialysis and had been poorly in hospital for 6 weeks prior, before being declared medically fit, and came home. She had help in place ready to start (nurse visits etc) and the night before had spent with my Sister and Step-Dad and was positive and in good spirit’s. I was due to go over and do stuff with her that day. Well, 6am a phone call from my Step-Dad telling me she’s gone. Hopped in taxi as she was still there as were paramedics. She had quite literally dropped, no warning and she wouldn’t have even known what was happening it was so instant. He tried CPR and paramedics did all they could. We had an hour ish with her before coroners arrived. Sat with her, held her hand etc. It felt like whiplash!! The day before she was fine. Turns out it was a big heart attack waiting to happen, nothing we could do. Her send off was the week of Christmas (20th) and that broke me. I phoned her almost every day, went over all the time, she was second Mum to my children, especially to my eldest (13yrs) whom she shared the most amazing bond. I keep seeing her in my dreams, but she doesn’t interact, just on the sidelines, i keep going to message/phone her, sometimes i forget for a split second and then remember and it hurts hard all over again. Im managing fake smiles, but at home, inside, im dying. I miss her so much, i feel so lost. I dont know how to be me anymore. New years eve was horrific, it just felt wrong seeing in a new year that she will never see. I was an absolute mess. My sister is struggling too but i know at times ive got to also allow her space to do her grieving.
I just dont know how to function anymore and the depressive stage has hit hard. I just want her back and i dont know what to do. X


Hello @Livvy,

I can see that you’re new to the community, so I wanted to say that I am so sorry for the loss of your mum that brings you here.

I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that may help you right now.

Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.

Take care,


Hi Libby I’m sorry for the loss of your mum at a young i too lost my mum when she was young

I’m so sorry for your loss.
It must be devastating, especially as your mum was so young. I too lost my mum in October very suddenly to a cardiac arrest. She was a good age did have heart failure, but it was still a bolt out of the blue. Sudden death is traumatic because we don’t get to say our goodbyes and I’m so struggling with that. She was here… then suddenly gone in an instant.
I try to talk to her and write to her and also write back what she would tell me. I know she wouldn’t want me to be like this. Some days are worse than others, This forum does offer comfort because so many of us are in the same boat and I feel that my network of friends and family dont want to bring up mum’s death at all, but that’s not helpful to me. Sending love and strength.

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@Kate111 what you have discribed is exactly what happened with my mum the Last words she said to me wasn’t nice but the night before it happened she said good night I love you the hardest thing I had to do was give the paramedics permission to stop trying to bring her back I guess I was hoping for a miracle I hope I have not upset you further

@Roses my mum had collapsed in her bedroom and by the time I found her(I think around 30/45 mins later), it was too late. Given her age, I’m sure cpr wouldn’t have worked anyway, her heart was obviously so weak.
It must have been so hard for you to witness the cpr attempt, but how lovely those last words of your mum.
The night before I was helping my son with his homework and she went up to bed and we said normal “night” to each other. If only I’d have known what was to happen the next morning…
Not having been able to tell her I loved her and say goodbye really cuts me up. I don’t know how much time has passed for you, but after 3 months the pain is still very deep, I miss her so so much.

@Kate111 its been 14 years for me