Sudden loss of my fiance

I sadly & suddenly lost my partner on the 2/1/17. We had so much to look forward to this year including our wedding on June 10th which we were planning . John was only 43 and myself and 2 daughters are so sad and struggling to come to terms losing him. John died at home and i was there alone and tried so hard to revive him until paramedics and family arrived. We are awaiting a post mortem on monday but for now i am living in a bubble of disbelief that i have lost my soul mate and our life we were so looking forward to. Life is so cruel and i keep asking myself why did they take such a lovely man away from us

Hello Danielle, I am really glad that you decided to join our Online Community, but so sorry that your beloved partner has died at such a young age.
I don’t think anyone will be able to tell you why this has happened - but I hope you will get some comfort and support from hearing from others who have also struggled to make sense of their loss.
I expect you are finding it hard to believe that you and your daughters are now facing life without your wonderful fiance - please try not to think too much about the future. Just concentrate on getting through each day, and don’t worry about showing your mixed feelings and emotions to others.
I am thinking of you at this terrible time - with kind regards, Jackie

Hi Danielle, I am so sorry about your partner. My brother died in December aged 45 leaving his wife and three girls. It is really hard to come to terms with it especially as they were so young but here everyone share the same pain. One day at a time. Sending you hugs.

Thank you Zahn. I am finding it so hard. I came back to the house tonight that we shared with my girls & where john died. & i am finding it so hard & keep crying. I am trying to stay strong for my girls but its very hard. I feel your pain its heartbreaking. Thinking of you & your family at this sad time. Hugs

Thank you Jackie. I am finding it so hard but i am trying to stay strong for my girls. Its hard & i keep crying but im just taking baby steps as its still very raw

Hi Danielle
just to say i’m also here
i lost my husband in August. he died at home after an 18mths long battle with cancer.
I have two small(ish) children.

i am so sorry when i think of the horrible , physical, sickening pain you are experiencing.

i have been on medications (citalopram prescribed by my gp) and it helped me to get up and function.

it hurts me to remember the awful nightmare that followed my husband’s death, until saying out last goodbyes. and after that, until now and a day at a time.

please accept any help you can get, i hope you have family or friends nearby, maybe school/family worker if your girls are of school age , any charity in yout local area (apart fron the leading one in our care Cruse). i also had help from local hospice (through hospital but i understand your situation is different.

please do not be afraid to seek help physical or emotional …it’s very hard to go through it alone…

Hello Marta. Thank you for kind words. Myself & children are finding it so hard. I had my partners post mortem results back today & he died from a severe chest infection followed by phenomia. It has devastated me. He did have other illnesses also but i was never prepared for what i went through. I cant sleep,have nightmares & can hardly eat. I have support of family & friends but no one understands how i’m really feeling. I try to stay strong & try not to cry infront of my children but its hard. Im going to my drs tomorrow & will ask to see a counsellor as im not coping well. Im so sorry for your loss its heartbreaking for all us left behind

even almost 6 month on i struggle to eat (get better and worse days) so it is no surprise to me how you feel about mundane tasks. i didn’t (well still don’t) really want to be without my husband yet I’ve got up 143 times for my kids and survived the day

i tried to find a balance in being strong but also allowing my kids to see i am sad.
it is way too early for you but at some point i started having a lot of little lights (heart, star ones) arpund the house that represent Martin’s presence. my 7 yo boy recently said "mummy it’s not really helping (all the keepsakes and saying about daddy in the sky) - and yeah what else could i do but reply , openly upset and teary that he is right , but it’s a good choice to think these things help. we havr to believe in it.

eat as much as you can, be as reasonable as you can but don’t bring yourself down it you can’t manage much on a day…
i still don’t really enjoy food…cooking for myself& .mealtimes are rubbish. (kids usually eat pasta or pizza or soemthing equally uninventive but it keeps them fed and happy)

My 7 yo, who always found going to sleep tricky sleeps woth me now, we always pit some relaxing music/chimes/rainforest npises on to go to sleep woth. i pretend it helps , cause i cannot allow myself to stay up till 2 am and wear myself out on a school/work night :confused:
going to sleep IS tricky though (as you notice it’s 10 to midnight already!:/)

whatever hapoens just try to be good to yourself, be understanding and treat yourself well. you’re going through nothing short of hell. and it’s very difficult to see the bright side, appreciate your children and all what you have. all that counted for my was that Martin no longer was with me and nothing could cheer me up.

i was very lucky that one of Martin’s colleague was a widow and lost her husband a uear earlier. i had her number and already that helped-also i could alwahs message her to just share how much it hurts to havr lost my husband…and i knew she’d understand.

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by the way my boy’s birthday is on thr 10th june…

i can physically feel the pain of grief pressing on my chest when i imagine how you must feel about this date !

sorry my messages may not make much sense… i don’t make much sense.
but I am, i am here, alive , up and running for my kids. and myself. like Martin would have wanted me.

apologies i had to split my response into so many shorter ones…i seem to have had a problem with the server!

Thank you for your kind words. I’ve had a very bad few days. Cant stop crying. I feel so lonely & lost without john. Its his funeral next friday & i am dredding it as i know that is the end of our lives together & it is so final. I just feel so sad. Im trying to stay strong for my children but its so hard. Im a emotional wreck

Danielle. I’m so sorry for your devestation. It’s such a huge loss to bear and overwhelmed doesnt even come close. I don’t have a lot of similarities with you but I do know the trauma and shock at being alone with your partner at the time as I experienced the same. I also empathise with the added distress when you went back to the house. It’s said that “Death ends a life, not a relationship” but I know this is of very little comfort when all we want is to see our loved ones again. You could try and buy a really pretty book and write to your partner everyday as if you were talking to him. Tell him all your news about your children. It’s hardly any consolation but you may be able to get a bit of comfort for just some of the time.
It’s so, so painful and at 14 weeks I am in a bad place as I can’t come to terms with things. Take care and I hope you all get through the day as well as possible.

Hi Tina. I am so sorry to hear that you experienced the same pain i went through with losing a partner. Its heartbreaking & nobody including family understands how you feel . Its very hard especially on the people left behind. Its 3 weeks tomorrow since my partner passed away & it still feels like yesterday. Its very raw & like you i am in bad place & cant accept that im never going to see or hear him again. I just try to cope the best i can but its very early days & so hard. Im here if you want to chat. Take care

Thanks Danielle for offer of chat, it goes both ways. Either openly or private message. I know how frightened you would have been to have witnessed what happened and how robbed you feel. My husband too had health conditions but his actual passing was sudden and unexpected at the time. Our partners were good men and deserved better. If all you can do is sleep and cry, just do that. It’s all I could do and I still do often. Do as little as you can to get by. I too agree family don’t understand, especially if they can go home to their partners. Hope you get some sleep tonight.

Danielle so sorry to hear about John your partner, hope you can find solice and comfort in your heart knowing that you are not alone.
Like you I lost my wife aged 49 in December six weeks ago, I have three teenagers to look after, finding it painful trying to manage without her.

Just remember the good that we shared with our loved ones.


Hi Ravinder im so sorry to hear about the loss of your wife. It isnt easy for us all left behind. I just try to cope the best i can but its so hard. I know how you feel & i hope you have support to help you. Please take care

Hello, I’m Sylv, I lost my husband 2 months ago, feels like a blur, so much to organisze, want to make his funeral right etc, it’s a busy time!!! But you need to make time for yourself aswell (which is hard) normally happens at night when everything is shut!!! Lol my husbands funeral was hard but found it a good memory to know how many people cared for him etc, I am 37 and he was 43. Hope the funeral went well. Xx