I lost my husband of 35 years on 25th Nov 2017, he had been ill for 18 years and sepsis was the final blow. I thought I would never see colours again but in 2019 I met a great man who made my life sparkle again and taught me how to live. We spent all our time together because of lockdown and gradually we found that we could both be happy, we had a good life and looked forward to getting old together.
Today my partner was laid to rest after passing away very suddenly in our bed. He had a rupture of an artery in his stomach. We had no warning. He was the happiest he had been for many many years of being alone and had finally found his dream. I feel dreadful both my men were just 63 years old.
Today I endured the funeral, walking into the crematorium to see the service sheet with pictures of my man that were from about 30 years ago. They looked nothing like the man I knew. His name was different too, the service sheet could have been for a compete stranger. His ex wife was there and I know he would have been furious, she had done a complete number on him 19 years ago and left him in pieces. I felt like I should not be there, his children were fine with me, I had met 2 of them but he had no relationship with any of them over the time we were together except when they needed money. No father’s Day or birthday or Christmas cards, nothing. The eulogy was like everything they had to say was about a man from 30 years ago. They were all devastated but had treated him like rubbish and as a cash cow when he was alive. I felt that none of them actually knew him, it was heartbreaking. I left with my 4 children straight after as it was the most dreadfully awkward horrible situation for us. I need to lay my version of their man to rest of properly, I am still in shock, numb, cold and unfeeling between pretending he has popped home. I feel so cheated I thought I had found my end of life partner. I feel so sorry for him, he had so many plans.
Sorry for the long post, I don’t expect many to read it but needed to get that off my chest so badly 
I feel like a death magnet, I have lost so many special people over the years I am so scared that if someone likes me, they will die
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Bless you I’m so sorry for your losses to lose 1 love is horrendous but 2 my heart bleeds for you take care x
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Life can be so cruel as it continues to dish out so much loss.
There are just no answers, sending you the earnest of hugs.
Dee xxx
There are just no words I can give to console you following such a horrible experience. All I can do is listen and send you a virtual hug.