Sudden Loss

Hello to anyone who reads this. I’m 36 and tbh I feel a bit guilty writing a post after reading other posts in this community. I don’t know where else to go and I am hoping somebody will be able to relate and maybe be able to offer some advice and/or reassurance.

My partner who was 45 and who I was with for 1 year suddenly died at the begining of September this year. There was no warning. He walked into the hospital a+e department on the Monday with some breathing problems and died the following Sunday and we still have no cause of death.

Since then I have felt every emotion possible and I am really struggling to cope. The thoughts in my head just keep going round in circles. Could I have done more to help? Did I ask the consultants the right questions? Why has this happened? etc etc. I feel that I’m not only grieving for myself and the fact that he is gone (which I am still struggling to believe is true) and that everything we had talked about and planned for our future will now never happen but I am also grieving for him and all of the plans he had with his friends that he was so looking forward to that have now been taken away from him.

The reason for feeling guilty writing here is because we were only together for a short amount of time and having read other posts from people who have been married for years and years I feel guilty for feeling the way I do.

I have gone back to work (a new job where I don’t know anyone) as sitting at home wasn’t helping but now I feel I am putting pressure on my colleagues. I am there in body but my mind is often wandering.

I know its a cliché but I just can’t see any light at the end of the tunnel. I feel so empty and lost.


Dear TWH_2021

The length of time you are with someone is irrelevant. It is the depth of the love you had for each other that causes the pain that you are feeling. The additional challenges following sudden death also add to the turmoil. The ‘what ifs’ and should/could I have done more are all part of this sad journey. So please do not feel any guilt. The people on this forum are very supportive.

I understand your feelings regarding your partner. We had not long become grandparents for the first time when my husband died suddenly and in a tragic accident. I cry for the loss of my soulmate, my best friend, the person I have loved since my teens but also for his loss. He always wanted to be a wonderful granda and loved being with our little grandson only for that to be taken away as a result of a stupid accident.

With regard to work. Perhaps have a word with HR or your manager. Most employers are very supportive. You are in the very early stages of grief, you will still be in shock at the recent events and please take whatever support is available to you.



I take comfort in your words, thank you for replying Shelia.

I am very sorry for the loss of your husband.



It does not matter how long you were with your partner ,it is such a tremendous shock to the system and the grief eats into your very soul.The pain,the anger.I lost my wife of 32 years last month and I am dying inside,The light at the end of the tunnel is so far away for me at the moment if it even exists.My days are full of pain,crying yes lots of crying for a man of 76 ,how am I supposed to carry on at my age without my beloved by my side,I am so devastated and shattered that I just want to go to sleep and not wake up.


Thank you for replying Mickeyboy31

I am so sorry for your loss.

Everything you have said is how I am feeling too. I don’t know how I am going to carry on either. I feel so lost and empty. Every minute of everyday is a struggle.

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Yes I know and I am with you all the way on this terrible journey of ours without the one we cherish so much.Michael.