I lost my darling Patrick suddenly 2nd March and I feel at a complete loss. He died suddenly in our bed in the middle of the night I performed CPR for 8 mins and the emergency services tried for 30 mins.
He is under Coroner. We/I have large family offering support during the day and I have adult 2 sons.
I’m feeling lost and cast adrift without my rock, he was my everything.
The family are all saying I’m coping do well - I am dealing things like paperwork etc. But I have to noone else can do it and it has to be done.
It’s just so hard as we had so many plans made and now nothing.
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My heart goes out to you. And, believe me, I know exactly what you’re going through. Alan collapsed just before Christmas with no warning. There followed the nightmare that you are now going through. I felt like an actor going through the motions. I don’t think I slept at all for days and days. All I wanted in those dark times was someone to tell me that I would get through it. I just wanted everything back as it was and I felt so out of control. But, here’s the thing; I did get through it. One day at a time. One item of the never ending admin at a time. Some days it was a triumph just to get up and have a shower. Accept any offers of help. My son and his partner carried me a lot of the time. Spend time with people you love and who love you. My lovely friend who is a palliative care nurse and something of a lady told me ‘if anyone tells you time is a healer, tell them to f*ck off!’ That made me smile but she meant for me to look after myself and do only what was right for me at the time. And that is so valuable. Nothing is ‘normal’ at the moment and I suspect it feels like it never will be again. Maybe not, but you will survive. You will sleep again. You will cope with the admin, the coroner, the funeral. And, one day, in the future you will be able to rest again. Maybe see a glimmer of hope. Promise. Much love xx
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