sudden loss

Hi im almost 6 months in to this awful journey.
My Husband had Parkinsons age 48 I lost him in April age 64.

I keep remembering him 10 years ago when he wasn’t too bad.

I have been reading through and can identify with lots, I feel numb, I spoke at funeral and some said they didnt know how i did it, then i feel as if folk see me as hard.

My Husband died within 2 hours of me leaving him, I was going to see our Son abroad,for a holiday, a 14 hour flight, I left hubby at a hotel for his sister to collect the next day.
I left him at 4 home by 6, at 8pm Hospital on the phone saying he had drowned in hotel pool, not been found for 28 mins and was left on life support, i had to get a cab back and said goodbye.
feel so bad if I hadn’t needed a break he wouldn’t have been dead.

I had to write down A …is dead the other day just can’t get my head around it still.

I too have had friends of 40 years not call and then say things that I addressed and not heard from them since.

Feel i am a bad person.

Hubbys Parkinsons was affecting everything, He had issues with a brain stimulater that caused personality changes, and it goes on and on, the last 6 years were not good but 36 were amazing.

I have elderly parents mum has dementia told my sister i can’t care for someone else so soon, she does loads but I’m still helping there, I don’t feel i have time to grieve.

Im not eating properly, don’t go to bed till early hours then can’t wake up, trying to work, support my Sons emotionally, support my parents and I want to shout who is looking after me!

So lonely, cry alot. Feel everyone’s world is turning and mine has stopped. I had some counselling but that has finished feel like I should be moving on but feel stuck abs its getting worse.

I have signed up for your
bereavement texts and they are spot on, as if reading my mind.

sorry but it’s really got me today , head such a muddle.

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I’m so sorry you’re going through so much… and I guess you’ve been holding on for while.
I can’t offer much advice other than to say we’ve probably all had feelings of guilt and anger piled on top of everything else. All you can do is take each day as it comes but most importantly, make time for yourself… to think, to grieve, to do nothing, to talk… and to look after yourself first and foremost.
There’s no right or wrong way to grieve. We all have our own story.
Keep checking in here, there’s always someone listening…
:people_hugging:

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