Lost my husband of 43 years 3 month now. Sudden totally unexpected death. I have struggled to cope alone and grieve his loss as we all do. I thought perhaps I was coming to at least accept the situation but today totally out the blue and while doing an errand for my daughter I suddenly had the awful realisation that he was dead gone and never coming back ,it was as if my brain had been fooling me it wasn’t true before. I found myself sobbing and screaming in pain and anger at him. I had to stop driving and just sat sobbing for a good while asking him why he had abandoned me and how could I exist and cope without him. I felt not only deep pain but also deep anger at him. Im worried this isn’t a normal way of feeling. Has anyone else ever experienced this type of feeling. It passed after a while but was so strange and painful.
Dear Belinda
I’ve shouted at my husband too. I shouted at him while doing CPR which I feel awful about now.
I think I’m getting good at switching my brain off. I haven’t moved anything of his, it’s as if he might come back. When those awful moments hit I try and distract myself, self preservation. Luckily I don’t have neighbours so no one can here me shout.
Yes Belinda. I have had episodes when I couldn’t stop crying. I even wanted to destroy everything around me and kill myself. Out of fear what bI may do I saw a psychiatrist. She helped me to survive. This is the 7th month since his death. I still cry from time to time and question my existence at least once a day. But the medication s have helped me to survive. I have no family. We had only each other no children, and I have none. See a psychiatrist, not a psychologist.
Me too Helen. I did CPR but couldn’t resuscitate him. It’s 7 months since. I do have neighbors. So I have stifle my screams. At least once a day I scream in the bathroom
I’m not angry at my partner for leaving I’m angry at myself for not being there in the last two days of his life. Right now I’m angry at God too. I realise that you may not be religious but I’ m a regular church goer. I keep asking why he took my partner at age 66 and left me bereft. Why? I get no answers or comfort from my faith now. I don’t even know if I believe any more.
Dear Norma
I’ve always believed in God, until I lost Stephen. Then one night I stayed at my son’s. I woke to Stephen kissing me, he was right there by the bed. It only lasted seconds and was so real. It gave me so much comfort, the feeling was so peaceful. It’s not something that’s ever happened to me before and although I’ve prayed he’d come again I don’t think he will. That was him telling me all’s well.
I’m not a church goer but it restored my faith.
The day I lost Stephen we had been working in the garden all day. I’d walked away from holding a ladder because he wouldn’t come down. He was cutting the top off a conifer hedge that is a good 15 ft high and leaning over to get the bits over the canal. I knew we needed help with the bigger jobs but he wouldn’t. I blame myself, he worked too hard. He also pulled a muscle in his shoulder a few days before fitting the kitchen worktops. Was it a pulled muscle? I should have made him see the doctor. I think all of us feel guilty for something, we have to let it go it’s pointless.
Thank you it helps to realise I’m not alone in these feelings .
Thank you for your advise ,I do need some kind of counselling I realise as I do tend to try and switch off and pretend it’s all not really happened. Good luck with your recovery.