On Friday night I received a call from my Mum to say my Dad had had a heart attack, I went straight there, the paramedics worked on him tirelessly for an hour, I kept hearing them say “one more cycle and we have to call it” but they just kept going. He didn’t make it, the suddeness of it just seems impossible to comprehend. No warning signs in the lead up to it and he was in the kitchen just sharing a joke with my Mum when it happened.
I mostly feel absolutely numb and in shock, I’m doing a lot of reading but struggling to know what or how to think or feel, every so often it overwhelms me that this is actually real. He was only 65 and only this week had been discussing early retirement to get a puppy as he recently fell in love with mine, it was only last Saturday he was snuggled up with my pup and researching what dog he would get, the idea that a week later he’s gone and I’m having to consider his funeral and everything else just feels too big. How do you even start to process all of this?
Dear @Becki12
Welcome to the Community. I am sorry to hear of the loss of your father.
I was in your position 17 years ago. My father also died of a sudden heart attack. You just have to take 1 day at a time, get support and try to continue as best as you can. Grief has a roller coaster of emotions and you will have good days and bad days and cry loads. All of this is perfectly normal.
Sue Ryder here has bereavement information and support pages which you will find helpful.
There is a topic Losing a Parent on the forum which will connect you to community members who have experienced what you are going through. They will be of support to you also.
Please continue to reach out here any time. Take care.
Pepsi
Hi becki12
I’m sorry that you are going through this. It takes a long time to sink in especially when it’s so sudden and you were living life normally in the run up.
I’ve been through it twice. My dad had a heart attack aged 53 and died instantly. One day there the next gone. This was 24 years ago but 2 and a half years ago my mum had a sudden brain haemorrhage aged 74. She was living life normally and looking after my daughter the day before she died.
My advice would be to take each hour as it comes trying not to focus on the plans that have to be made and the things that have to be done. And secondly, don’t expect to get over what has happened. All you do is get used to living without them.
It’s a very long process and even now I haven’t got over the shock of either of them.
This site will help enormously. I personally tried counselling but hated it, whereas talking to others on this site really helped me to work through my feelings.
Cheryl
My husband went out for his evening run, collapsed and died. Me and my 19 year old son were too late to say goodbye and my 23 year old daughter wasn’t in the area. It brings it home to you how quickly life can change beyond all recognition. Take it breath by breath and then minute by minute. You might find refugeingrief.com useful - written by someone who experienced this sudden life changing event. Take support form where ever you can and try to do the ‘normal’ things like eating - even though you won’t feel you need to. Take care
Dear Becki12
I can only echo the advice you have already received. My husband died suddenly as a result of a road traffic accident. We had only spoken hours earlier. Our son lives local but we had to break the news to our daughter over the phone as she does not live in the North East.
Both our kids have had counselling, they needed to talk to someone outside of the family and share their feelings. As others have said take it hour by hour, minute by minute.
Thinking of you and your family. xxxx
So sorry Becki. I lost my Mum in December but also my Husband 5years ago. He had a massive heart attack out of the blue. He survived for 10months but there was a shocking amount of muscle damage and he passed away as a result.
Another website that was really helpful is cragman.com
Essentially it’s a huge collection of pieces by a widow whose Husband passed away as he was on a run due to heart issues. It was sudden. Although my loss was expected it also happened at a time it wasn’t expected. It helped me a lot and it’s suitable for anyone that’s experienced sudden loss to heart attack.
Take care Becki and kindness to all.
@Becki12 sorry for your loss. I can totally understand what you are going through. My mom who was perfectly fit and had no ailments got a massive cardiac arrest and passed away. She was only 58. Everything was going so well. She and my dad were planning to visit me in the US soon. I m so heartbroken. I actually don’t even know what I am anymore. I haven’t left the bed ever since. I eat what my sis gives to me. I don’t even know why I am eating. I hope I die soon. I don’t know how I can live without my only lifeline which is my mom.