I lost my beautiful partner Jo, my best friend, lover, confidant, mother of my beautiful daughters, my whole world on the 15th January, she was 55, we’d been together almost 32 years and I still can’t get my head around it. She went in to hospital for a routine procedure and died due to a mistake made by the surgeon, which will likely involve a future medical negligence case
I just cannot comprehend that I will never see her, talk to her or touch her ever again, especially due to a mistake made by somebody that we put our trust in.
I feel that I am slipping into a dark hole and I can’t find my way out, I’m so sick of the “time is a healer” platitudes, I don’t want to hear it, I just want her back. If I hadn’t got my daughters, I would have joined her because being without her is a debilitating pain that I never knew existed.
We were making plans to go on holiday once she felt better, and now our future is in ashes, I just don’t have any interest in seeing anyone, doing anything or going anywhere, I just don’t see the point in anything. I’m not going back to work and can’t imagine ever going back, I’m struggling to deal with the funeral directors and there has been a massive delay due to a coroners investigation. I know she would kick my arse for being this way but I can’t help the way I feel.
I always thought I was a mentally strong person but this has destroyed me, I honestly don’t think I will ever recover from this.
Thank you for taking the time to read my ramblings if you got this far.
@Spadders I am so sorry for your loss it is heartbreaking. This is so very early days for youand your daughters and what you say about time is true ….. it is not a healer , but it is only time that helps with how we feel. I am nearly 12 months into this awful “journey” a rollercoaster of emotions and I all to well remember those early weeks and months. Take each day and try and take care of yourself . I am sure in 12 months time you may be reassuring others going through what you are now . Keep going a day at a time , it is what your wife would want you to do Linda
I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling that you are slipping into a dark hole. I’m so sorry to hear about your partner. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support. In the meantime, you may wish to look at these Sue Ryder resources which might be helpful.
Our Grief Guide self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you through your grief
Hi I’m so sorry for your loss, it’s such a difficult thing to deal with. I lost my husband 3 years ago this week and all you can do is just get through today and deal with tomorrow when it arrives. It’s overwhelming, it’s devastating, it feels like there is no way to move on so you just carry on bit by bit. Let others in where you can, let them help and you just concentrate on you and your family for now xx
It’s a terrible journey we all have to go through and must be so much harder in circumstances such as yours. It’s been almost 4 months since I lost my husband of almost 40 years. The pain doesn’t leave you but you do learn to live with it. I always say I am play acting at being ok but each day I’m acting a little bit less if that makes sense. I felt very much like you especially the run up to Christmas and then again last week when I had my first birthday without him! Finding an outlet to vent these feelings such as this forum is a positive step. I also found keeping a journal and writing down everything I felt without fear of judgement helped me. Continue reaching out and consider using the helplines such as Samaritans as an outlet. Don’t suffer in silence and remember your daughters will be feeling their own pain and you need to be there for them as I’m sure they are for you. My very best wishes to you.
Hi Brandon I think each year has been different. The first year I was completely numb, felt very detached from everything and concentrated on my daughter who was really struggling. My daughter went travelling for 8 months during the 2nd year and I think that’s when things started to hit home, I just needed some down time to try to take in what had happened. In the practical side of my brain I understand my husband has died but the emotional side just cannot comprehend that he won’t walk through the door at any minute. In the last 6 months things have been very difficult, going through the winter and my husbands anniversary & birthday. I’m still adjusting to how life is now and dealing with the loss of what I thought my future would be.
I wish I could say something that would help but it’s something we all have to go through and can’t put to one side. All you can do is deal with each day as it comes. If I wake up and realise it’s a hard day I try not to put too much pressure on myself, it only makes me feel worse. It’s taken a long time to understand that.
Hi Lucy my wife was given five months to live over two years ago and from the moment we left the oncologist both of us crying and hanging on to eachother it seems like everything stop. No future just surviving, hoping for the impossible. When my wife died I thought I had been grieving but it was like being split in two and the loneliness is horrific. This weekend I have my son back for the first time since my wife died and it’s as if she should be here as well I’m finding it difficult not to cry Infront of him.
I’m so sorry you’re still suffering in such a way. This long winter has been depressing. I hope now that spring is starting to show its face your spirits will also change. I hope you can start to enjoy life a little, you certainly deserve it
Wishing you all the best
Tom
I’m glad you have your son with you as the loneliness is unbearable at times. I’m by myself for the whole weekend and just try to keep busy as much as I can. I miss having my husband as company, to talk to, just to have a hug. That’s the hardest, just having a hug.
I understand why you find it hard to be upset in front of your son but try to be open with how you’re feeling. My mum died when I was 14 and everyone just moved on very quickly and I thought that’s how you dealt with loss. I didn’t seen anyone around me grieving so thought I had to hold it all in. It took years and a small break down for it all to come out. Your son maybe feeling the same way and it maybe what you both need, just to acknowledge how hard it is missing your wife. You too deserve some happiness as well as support from your family and friends, so if you need to cry have your moment xx