It’s been 4 months since my dad died. He was my closest family member. I’m 26 and still lived with him, just me, him and the cat. I’ve been struggling since it happened and it was all so quick and unexpected and am definitely having some ptsd from it. Everyone else seems to have moved on and gotten over it already.
I don’t want to start a new year without him. The flashbacks and horrible horrible feelings I had watching the bbc count down to midnight last night was the worst it’s been yet. Sitting on the 111: 2 crisis line on hold for 45 minutes, with nothing but the hold music playing, triggered more flashbacks to being on hold with the hospitals when he was alive. I don’t know how I’m meant to do life without him. I don’t want to do life without him. I can’t have bereavement counselling until February as the waiting lists are so long. It feels like this will never feel better and I’m just waiting to join him. Does this feeling ever go away or am I beyond help?
Hello Sam,
Do sorry to hear about your dad, how devastating for you, such a loss.
What you are feeling is normal, shock of losing the person you love is very painful and the flashbacks are you coming to acknowledge the fact that he has left.
If you don’t mind me asking, was it natural?
There are alot of people going through similar loss as yours and if you type in search field “loss of parent” you will be able to talk to other and share your opinions and grief.
It will help to see and take to others as you are normal in what you are feeling.
Be strong
You will find this site very helpful and not be judged.
Take care send keep posting. X
Hi Sam, I juts want to reach out to you and let you know that I’m feeling sooo similar to your post, I lost my mum a few months back in tbe horrible same way, at home I watched her pass so horribly and I can’t get this vision out of my head, it’s disturbing, I miss her so much, I feel so alone and I also feel everyone is moving on quicker then me, maybe because we lived with them, looked after them, maybe it’s going to take us longer, I don’t know, one minute I feel ok then the next I’m really not, in such a dark cloud of grief, I wish I had the answer to help you, I’m in search of it myself, I know our parents would not want to see us this way but how can we help it, all everyone keeps saying ti me is you learn to live with it, I can’t learn to live like this and I don’t want to!!!
You poor thing. I am so sorry. I know how he must have been your world. I lost my parents and my dad supported me in so many ways. I loved my dad. He did not want to leave you and he can only hope and tell you to hang on … and after some time, you shall find your way.
I know about being suicidal. But I also know my parents would be so sad if I did that. It is the heartbreak of Nature that they must leave us. So they have to trust we carry on. Carry on in his memory and this is what would make him proud. Hold on and allow your grief to do its thing. But hold on! Write and call the Samaritans. I do.
Hi, thanks for your reply.
No, it wasn’t natural. He had cancer but none of us, including him, knew he had it. He collapsed outside the house and within 18 days they found it, diagnosed it, then he was gone. Horrible horrible flashbacks from those 18 days, it was all too fast.
@Lee15 Hi Lee, so sorry to read about your mum, that’s awful. Yes, maybe it’s because we lived with them that it’s taking us longer. I’m sorry you’re in the same boat, but I guess take some comfort that you’re not alone in feeling like this. x
@berit hi, so sorry to read you lost your parents, I hope you’re holding up ok. yes my dad took on the role of both my parents when my mum left when I was 16. We didn’t agree on everything but he was the one constant in my life and now he’s just gone so suddenly. Thanks so much for your message x
Hi @Sam_CC. I’m so sorry about your dad… I lost my dad in may last year… 6 weeks from diagnosis till he died… we weren’t expecting it to be so fast. I can relate to the flashbacks… it’s like a horror movie that just pops in my mind whenever it wants and I can’t shake it. All of a sudden there he is being carried down the stairs… or I’m in the ambulance with him… I have no control of what or when. I know what you mean about the new year countdown… I thought I was doing ok on nye but then it got me… the first year of my life that won’t have my dad in it. No advice really, just that I get it… stay strong xxx
@Nic6 Hi, thanks for your message. Am so sorry to hear about your dad. I know what you mean about it being so quick. It was 18 days between my dad collapsing to him dying. (14 days between diagnosis and losing him). Exactly that to the flashbacks, they’re awful and all consuming and have no control over them. The worst when they come at work. I’m sorry to hear that you get it but thank you for making me feel less alone xx