2 days ago my partner took his own life. We have 3 children the youngest is 5. I really don’t know how I can carry on and navigate this time in my life. He was my soul mate. I had no indication he felt this way. We were going through a rough patch financially but were coming out of it. The guilt I feel is unbearable along with knowing he will never be coming back and I keep replaying in my mind what he did the end his life. It will kill me everyday of my life. I’m trying to stay strong for the children who are broken and confused but this is the hardest thing we have ever been through. I go from heartbroken, to sad for him to being angry with him for leaving his girls. How could it do it? Why didn’t he talk to me? If I hadn’t gone did a coffee that morning he would still be here. Why, ifs and buts.
@Corina I am so, so sorry for your loss and that you are having to go through this, how devastating for you all. 2 days ago is no time and I’m sure you are still very much in shock from this, please lean on family and friends for support and don’t do this on your own. I’m no expert and I’m sure at some point, if you can get it, professional counselling would benefit you to work through your thoughts and emotions, of which there will be many. Guilt is a natural thing, I think to a certain degree we all feel it when we lose someone so special to us, all the what if’s and seconding guessing what we did or didn’t do, it’s a painful part of the grieving process we have to go through I think, please try not to be hard on yourself in the end I’m sure there was nothing you could have done to make the outcome a different one sadly. This forum is a good place to talk and I’m sure there will be people who are or have been in a similar situation who will be able to give you better advice, just post whenever you need to. Please take care of yourself and your girls, sending you hugs x
My heart goes out to you so sorry for loss, you can just take one day at time , hopefully people on here can give you some kind words , life is so cruel at times x
Thank you so very for your kind words. I keep replaying the last couple of months in my head. I was so stressed about money but hardly ever diss but maybe this manifested in to me pushing him away slightly and he felt unloved- different conversations/scenrios in my head, but absolutely nothing that made me think he was capable of this. People goes through ups and downs, we had been together for 10 years, but I can’t believe he didn’t know he was my world and I his. The guilt I’m carrying is unbearable I don’t know how I’ll live the rest of my life this way. My girls I don’t think it has sunken in yet and everyday I’m having to retell them he isn’t coming back and is in heaven. The pain is something we have never ever felt. Thank you for taking time to respond 