Suicide loss

My ex boyfriend of 2 years committed suicide a few weeks after we broke up, this is the most intense grief I have ever experienced in my life. I have so many regrets, I hate myself for ending things because maybe he wouldn’t have decided to end his life. I miss him so much, everything reminds me of him and I can’t stop thinking that I might have lost the one person that I will ever meet who truly got me, who saw me for who I was and loved me despite my flaws. I felt such a true and intense love for him, but a change in circumstances caused us to argue a lot and I wasn’t emotionally in the right place to work on things. I wish I had agreed to go to couples therapy, I was so stressed out in university that I didn’t see how I’d have the time. I’m going to regret my decision for the rest of my life and I’m so heartbroken at the thought that he won’t get to live the rest of his life, not living past 24 is so hard to come to terms with. He was a beautiful person, he worked at an animal rescue, cared so deeply for his family and friends. He loved Star Trek, anime and was so good at art, I look at the paintings he did for me everyday and I wish that I could magic him into existence. I would give anything for him to still be alive, the thought of never seeing him again is so painful.


Hi @Cozthom,

I’m part of the Online Community team, and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling.

I’m so sorry to hear about your ex-boyfriend, the range of emotions you are feeling is entirely normal. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.

I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that might be helpful.

I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.

Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.

Take care,
Online Community Team

Hi @Cozthom,
Don’t beat yourself up about the sad loss of your ex, it’s not your fault, it was his choice.
Sadly, in the past I have attempted suicide before, so I can say from experience, when you’re in that mindset, it can feel so overwhelming that you decide you’ve had enough. We tend not to talk about it, or tell others how we’re feeling, when maybe we should, but that’s our choice, so we can’t blame others for the way we choose to think, so be kind to yourself, it’s not your fault. Sending hugs of support.

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