Ive recently lost my beautiful son, he commited suicide aged 39, im heartbroken and dont think i will ever get over it. I cant seem to function anymore and all i do is think of him.
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I’m so sorry to read your post. There are no adequate words to explain the excruciating pain and sorrow we feel at the loss of our beautiful children.
My daughter passed last August and it still feels like yesterday. She was 28. I have dark days and ok ish days but always a massive cloud following me. Even when I find a little joy it’s tinged with sadness. All I know is that I’m half the person I was and I really do feel empty. Our hearts have been ripped out and there will always be a hole there. I just stand up, face forward and one foot in front of the other. One day at a time and small steps. Accept all your feelings as painful as they are and over time the rawness will get a little bit softer. Be kind to yourself. Practice self care as much as you can. Talking to other bereaved parents who do understand although I know all situations are different but that does help I find. I hope you have some nice friends and family to support you….take good care. Sending supportive hugs to you , I’m so sorry.
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My son was found on Monday, he’d just turned 43 yrs… although not confirmed we believe it was suicide.
His 6 younger sibling are devastated, guilt ridden, feeling they let him down and like you i feel shattered, broken and totally lost.
I know it will take time for things to settle but regardless of my sons issues he was a part of a puzzle that made our family and that piece is now lost.
I keep telling myself… at least hes at peace now but it doesnt help.
Time… they say heals, I guess that same time will tell if thats true x
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Its so early days for you, the SoB charity forums are also helpful. This is unlike other breavements, TCF class child breavement the early years as 3 years, im nearly 12 months in, and im a completely different person, still not managed to return to work yet, take it hour by hour, then day by day, take care
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Be kind to yourself,this will take time. Hugs to you from an internet stranger.
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I understand your pain. It is a little over a year, but sometimes feels just like yesterday. I am very lonely. He was my only son, the sweetest most thoughtful young man. I don’t understand his change to such despair. I am 72 years old and I have not heard so much about suicide happenings in all my lifetime. My husband has lung cancer and griefing also. My daughter keeps in touch not frequently, but is a loving daughter. She has decided not to have children, which I am disappointed in, as I love children. Everyday I wake up and hope & pray for a sign from my son, but it never happens. I am reading a good book called; “My Son & the Afterlife”. I am enjoying the book with hope I will see or talk to my son someday. Meanwhile I try to keep busy, try to bury my pain, watch a lot of funny shoes to keep my spirits up and entertained.
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I lost my son aged 53. I understand your pain. The only thing that helps me to cope with the guilt - could I have done more, the grief - how do I go on without him…is the sure knowledge that he would not want me to feel like this so I go on each day.
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Yesterday was my sons cremation. I’ve been so busy getting things sorted and trying to be there for my other children. I’ve not had time to do more than cry afew tears…
I find myself wanting to tell his story, to say he was more than an addict, more than just another suicide… he was born into physical pain, and it was the desperation to escape the pain that pushed him to the place he ended up.
I tell those close to me that the big whole of pain thats been left will one day be filled with the good memories, including the ones that were lost amoung the chaos and dark times, it seems to help them but as yet all i can feel is the pain.
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My son had everything going for him. He had a loving family, many friends. He was smart, handsome, had money put away. I don’t understand what happened, it was so sudden. He took a job working straight nights & he couldn’t sleep, which led to anxiety & then depression. I told him to leave, take some time off, but he thought he could handle it. I begged him to stay with us and offered so many times to take him to the hospital. He kept insisting he could handle it. The last time I spoke to him he seemed better. He had seen a doctor months earlier. The medication wasn’t right, he had an appointment the week after his suicide. I miss him so much and wished I had gone to his home & stayed with him. He kept going to work & driving around. I don’t understand why he just didn’t just leave his job for a week. Take a break. Stay with us. He was so loved. I will never understand. Thank you all for sharing your stories. I know it is painful, but this site is a wonderful healing tool. We all share so much. God Bless!
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It’s been just over a week now since my sons cremation.
I was able to download the service and watch it, which did help… I couldn’t remember anything, and it had been so important that I passed on the things we had spoken of over the months prior to his suicide and thankfully, I had.
I have his ashes now, too… it still seems surreal. Like, im going to wake up, and he’ll be here, it doesnt help i have a brain injury and literally forget he’s gone… the pain when I realise again.
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So sorry for your loss. I know your pain, its 16 months since I lost my son. I dont sleep very well and think about him daily. I have pushed myself to go out and do activities I did before his death. People are mostly kind which has helped. I hope you get lots of support. God bless. 
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@CJenn it’s so hard I look after my mum in 2016 she tried to end her life, she suffered a massive brain hemorrhage & needs 24 hour care she server brain damage I’m so glad I still have her but it’s like grieving for someone who is still alive she looks & sounds like my mum but that’s where it ends. This year in February I lost my partner of 25 years after trying to resuistate him at home 3 months after I lost my youngest brother & in between my eldest brother was diagnosed with a rare T4 nasal cancer. I feel so lost & alone it feels like it’s never ending lm still in therapy 8 years on since finding my mum life is terrible hard sending love
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