I lost my boyfriend 6 months ago. Unfortunately he committed suicide when I was sleeping and woke up to finding him passed away. I could not do anything to help him and the image still haunts me. Although I am back to work and trying to get on with my life, it’s always at the back of my head. I’ve tried loads of coping mechanisms and am doing incredibly well considering. I still have break downs and survivors guilt and still go in positions of disbelief with the grief. I so sort feel guilty for getting in with my life at times. I would like to hear others ways of coping with similar situations if willing to share.
Hi arjie , so sorry to hear you lost your boyfriend this way, any loss is tragic and painful but the way you lost your loved one can be even more traumatic and my heart goes out to you .
The shock that you must have felt in those days and weeks after must have been excruciating for you .
I think selfishly sometimes to myself that us , the bereaved suffer much more in the aftermath of this whole situation than the ones we have lost .
The sense of absolute helplessness in that situation is overwhelming , the absolute finality of it all is what still haunts me over the loss of my girlfriend , I wasn’t in the same country when she died and the phone call and messages that alerted me of her death still haunt me now , the shock was so great that it was all I could do to remain standing , the disbelief and survivors guilt you speak of , I feel it every day .
I think I’ve coped with it all by by being busy with work but just as you have said it’s always in the back of my mind every minute of the day , the realisation that I’m never going to see her again or talk to her .
As for coping mechanisms , I haven’t really tried many , I’m a bit of a hiker and i get out walking in the countryside whenever I get the chance on a weekend and that does take my mind off it for the time I’m out , I take a rucksack and a flask of coffee and sit somewhere quiet up in the hills and reflect on it all and have a quiet couple of words with her … as for other coping methods it seems by the time I get home from work and gone about other daily grind things I haven’t got time before it’s off to sleep and start another day again …
I can actually get out of bed now but in the beginning I just couldn’t move and didn’t see the point in bothering .
I think the only advice I got given that has helped me in it all was to just keep moving .
This site has helped me for sure with coping , you realise with so many other stories on here that we’re not alone in this … take care
2 Likes
Dear argie5
Your loss is unimaginable even for all those of us on this site who have list our soulmate, in my case, married 58 years, together for 60 next month.
He fought so hard to stay but this vile disease, caught in hospital, separated us.
I have just recently learnt that elite athletes and other extremely fit people (my husband) can have a greatly reduced immune system and therefore vulnerable when it comes to invading viruses or bacteria.
I don’t know what your circumstances were but to be grieving is bad enough without feelings of guilt. That happens to all of us but somehow we must tell ourselves that we cannot change the past, only the future . Please ask your G.P. for some counselling. Therapy may help you if you are allocated some one experienced in your specific need. Bless you.
1 Like
Thank you very much for your kind words and for speaking so openly about something so close and traumatic you’ve experienced. It means more than you know…
As horrible as it sounds, I feel angry at times as there is people fighting for their life’s and he took his. I know he didn’t want to die he just wanted the pain to end within his mental health. There wasn’t a note or even a goodbye. I know deep down he did love me and I’ll treasure the memories we had and shared. I’m probably just being selfish in the fact that, it was too soon in my life for him to go and leave. He was only 32yrs old and we were trying for a child. I’ve not only lost our house together due to haunting memories and him. I’ve lost my planned future.
I’m glad that he’s at peace and resting, it’s just the aftermath and pieces I’m still trying to endure and pick up.
2 Likes
Thank you so much for experience with me. I am so sorry to hear about your loss also, from the bottom of my heart. I could not imagine how you felt or begin to process it.
I’m glad I’ve stumbled across this website, as with my GP’s recommendations, although did help, could not relate.
I’m happy to hear you can get out of bed now and that you are finding things in life that brings you peace. I feel that at times I am my own worst enemy and fight my sleep, searching for answers I’ll never have.
I guess, as sad as it is to say. But also beautiful, they are a chapter in our life’s that will never leave us, but we where the last in theirs and no one can take that away from us, nor the memories or the feelings and love we shared.
Thank you for taking the time to message, it means more than you know!
1 Like
Hi Arjie5, this is heartbreaking for you, I’m so sorry to hear this. Hard to know what to say as words will never be enough.
Not quite the same but my wife chose to stop her medication and this brought about her death. I was very lucky though in many ways that we talked about her decision for years before she carried it out - she was considering Dignitas at one point but decided against this in the end as she wanted her last days to be at home. From stopping her medication etc til the end was about 3 weeks and I sat with her every day, all day (as I pretty much had for the past 2 years too) whilst she slowly passed away.
I desperately wanted to save her but there was nothing I could do apart from talk to her and keep her company. One thing she did say to me towards the end was that she was not afraid of death, what she was afraid of was living the way she was, suffering more each day and in pain. The only comfort I have now is that she is no longer suffering.
Not sure if my story helps at all. She passed away 2 weeks ago today so the pain is still very raw, but wanted to let you know you are not alone and maybe we can all try to help each other on here to gain some kind of healing.
1 Like
Thank you very much for sharing your story with me. I am so sorry to hear of your loss, from the bottom of my heart.
Yes this does help as I am the same, in the mindset now that they are at peace and looking down on us.
Take care and thank you for sharing.
1 Like