Hi Victoria , thank you for your kind words … I can’t see how to send a private message to you … please tell me how as I would like to 
Hi Sarah, you click on my initial and it will say ‘private message’ so click on there then type your message x
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Hi Sarah, how are you? I have been thinking of you and hoping you are coping okay. Such a hard time … I remember the early days after I lost Gemma that I would have bad days and very bad days. But gradually my very bad days became less frequent and I started to have some better days.
How have you been spending your days?
Sending you lots of love xxx
Hi Victoria
I had a few very very dark days so put phone away and took some extra professional help. The dark cloud has lifted slightly but I am able to function again .
I have been put on some medication to help in the short term and my counselling has been doubled on a weekly basis . I am so lucky to live in an area where there is a lot of help readily available and my GP calls me every week just to check in with me .
I feel slightly more optimistic today but am aware that will change .
I really do appreciate your messages and any helpful tips you can give me to help guide me in this horrible situation is appreciated …
I admire your strength and send you lots of virtual hugs and love
We are both a part of this exclusive club that no one would voluntarily join
Sarah 
:adhesive_bandage:
Dear Sarah, I am so proud of you … the hardest thing you could ever go through. Do whatever gets you through the dark days and I promise you somehow it gets easier. I am so glad that you are getting professional help and your GP sounds amazing. My GP was also very good. She advised me to talk to my daughter and I found that helped me. I began to realise (hope this doesn’t sound too mad!) that I still had a relationship with my daughter even if I couldn’t see her and that continues.
I am going to Eastbourne in September to visit my cousin and it would be lovely to meet with you but only if you feel able to.
Much love to you xxx
Hi Victoria
I would love to meet you . I am about 50 minutes from Eastbourne so that is ideal .
I have been signed off work until end of October ( doubt I will even go back then ) so let me know the date and we can put something together .
My daughter is now back home with me and she is on my bedside table. I have started to talk to her and feel calmer with her there . She is back in her safe place albeit not in person and having her by my side as I sleep helps me .
Her kitten sleeps on my bed and therefore we are all now back together at nighttime as we always were and it is a great comfort
I hope to meet you soon
Love Sarah xx
Hi Sarah,
Sorry for the late reply. I was off work for 10 months after losing Gems. I work for the NHS and occupational health helped me to go back. It was the best thing for me, going back, but not right for everyone. I cut my hours down to 2 days a week though.
Try and take each day as it comes and just do your best but you are welcome to call me any time.
It would be lovely to meet up with you in September but we can arrange nearer the time. Take care,
Lots of love to you xxx
Hi
Would love to meet up with you in Eastbourne & we can arrange nearer the time
The idea of returning to work currently is unthinkable but I know I will at some point as I will need to keep my mind occupied , especially living alone now .
I am going to give myself 12 months before making any big decisions like moving and the next hurdle is her birthday as she is a Christmas Day baby and it was such a special thing between us . If I can keep myself on this earth and get through that , I will feel stronger and more mindful to survive , but it is a huge hurdle that I do my best not to think about at the moment .
Had a few stronger days but feel deflated and the tears are always there .
I do admire you and would love to hear more about your special girl if you ever wanted to tell me . Do you have other children ?
Love
Sarah xx
Hi sarah111 so sorry you lost your daughter I can’t imagine how awful it is to loose a child in such a devastating way. I lost my son 12 weeks ago not directly to suicide but he did suffer mental health issues he also was born on Christmas Day ,and like you i feel if I can survive till then I don’t know how I will manage to get through that day. We were also very close and Christmas was so special because it was his birthday and we had our special traditions which I just can’t face without him. I am glad we found this site it is so helpful. When ever I can’t take any more I come here for solace , who else can fully understand the agony of the loss of a child unless they have experienced it , so there is no one else to turn to really . Hope you get the comfort you need here as well. Hugs jss.
Dear Sarah, it is lovely to hear from you and glad you are having better days. It is baby steps and I still have very bad days but try to think that tomorrow is another day.
I lost Gemma 3 years ago. She has 2 boys who are 23 and 10. She had very bad post natal depression after having her first child, was sectioned for her own safety and was never the same girl after that. She was divorced then met her second husband and had Charlie, again with post natal depression. She eventually asked her lovely husband to leave as she couldn’t cope with everything. Things got worse despite our love and help and also help from her GP.
On February 1st I got a call from her ex husband telling me that she had sent a very worrying email. I went straight over to her house but she wasn’t there. The police had been called and eventually we found my darling girl (I knew where she would be, in her special place) but we were too late to save her.
People tell me that she is at peace now but I still find that hard as I am sure you do with your precious girl although I am sure we will both get there.
Life feels very unfair. We have 2 other children too but my son struggles now and he finds it very difficult to talk about Gems. Gemma loved nature and was a very talented photographer. She was a beautiful girl but I think she was too fragile for this world. xxx
Hi Sarah, how are you doing? I hope you are coping okay. I think of you so often but don’t want to overwhelm you with messages.
I’ve just finished two long days at work and am shattered as I find I get tired much quicker since losing Gemma somehow and if I am tired, that’s when I get very tearful. So grateful for a restful day today.
I do hope you are managing through the bad times and never forget I am always here if you need to talk or just hear a friendly voice.
Would you still like to meet up for a coffee (or glass of wine) around the 15th September?
Speak soon and much love xxx
Hi Victoria
Thank you again for getting in touch .
The dark times continue and I still feel completely grief stricken . Friends are supportive , but the world keeps turning and their lives continue , and I am stuck in this nightmare.
The realisation that my girl is never coming home is unbearable and I know it’s only been a few weeks but the pain in my heart sometimes is too much to contemplate and staying here is sometimes so hard .
I get strength from the support I receive online from other mums and knowing they are still on this earth despite losing their darling children , I hope gives me the courage to remain too .
I would love to meet you on 15th September and I will text you directly so we can arrange this rather than on this platform if that’s ok ….
Looking forward to meeting you
Sarah X
I’m so very sorry, my loss was only a few months ago. How do you get through each day?
Sending love and hope to everyone whose heart is shattered xx