My 34 year old daughter took her own life in March. She had suffered with mental health illness since her teens and had been hospitalised many times, something for lengthy periods.
I was her main support, despite her living in excellent supported accommodation. We spoke or saw each other every day and I took her to wherever she needed to go as she couldn’t drive.
She had taken numerous overdoses of prescription medication over the years, but the majority of these weren’t intended to end her life. She also frequently self-harmed resulting in many trips to the ED with her.
I’m struggling really badly with both losing her in this way, the circumstances surrounding her death, as well as missing her desperately. We were as close as a mother and daughter could possibly be. She told me that she was only still alive because of me. She knew what it would do to me to lose her. Because of this I’m convinced she didn’t intend to kill herself, but died before she thought she could be found.
I’m consumed with guilt because I wasn’t with her. She had told her care workers not to call me as I had said, only a week before, that I couldn’t cope with any more hospital admissions. I intended to call her that day, but I didn’t. This adds to my guilt and distress.
I’m so sorry for your loss and there are no words to say what we feel. I lost my son in different circumstances…drugs overdose. Like you I was always there for him and miss him so much. The guilt we feel is horrendous. I e had so many bad days it’s crazy, but I then try and think he’s at peace and resting. I know that doesn’t help but May give comfort. This site is a godsend, keep messaging and talking, we are all here for each other xx
Hello Srs
I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community – I’m so sorry to hear about your daughter. It’s normal to feel a range of emotions after someone we love has died, including guilty, especially when we’ve lost someone by suicide. Please know you are not alone, and the community is here for you.
Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.
I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that might be helpful.
-
Our Grief Guide self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you through your grief
-
Our Grief Coach text service, which sends you personalised text support via SMS
-
Our free Online Bereavement Counselling which is held via video chat
-
Our Bereavement Information pages which can walk you through what you are going through.
You might also want to contact Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide - http://uk-sobs.org.uk/ 0300 111 5065 or the Support After Suicide Partnership http://supportaftersuicide.org.uk/ for further help.
I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.
Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out.
Take care, Rhi