Please tell me why it is worth staying alive when I have lost the only person I loved and trusted. It’s unbearable and pointless. He shouldn’t have died so young, 66 is too young, totally out of the blue. I just wish I was with my dearest husband and life really is unbearable without him despite friends and family

Hi I’m sorry you feel that way . My partner was only 48 when he died I have 2 boys and family and friends too and I feel so lonely. I’m only 50 and I feel cheated that we won’t grow old together sometimes I hope I go soon . I understand how you are feeling and I wish I could be more positive.
Christine x

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Hello. My best friend took her own life. She was 41. It was just 6 weeks after my fiancé died. She held my hand throughout his funeral. I miss them both terribly.

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I am in my early 50’s. i am new to this site. I lost two very important people to me. I am struggling even now. But we must fight on! Do them proud! Never give up! Xxxxx


Hi I’m so sorry for the loss of your friend and fiance . I lost my partner 10 months ago and I have been fighting to get through each day some days are harder than others.
Take care
Christine x

Hi Lucy. So sorry for your loss. As you know all of us on this site are here simply because we have found ourselves on this totally unexpected and, totally unwanted path in life. I’m not sure anyone will be able to give the answer to your question ‘please tell me why it’s worth staying alive’. We, like you, feel exactly the same. Each day we plod on with our unbearable pain and heartache and try to support, encourage, sympathise and generally care about each other (although none of us have met in person, we have met solely through our grief). I also think my husband was too young to leave this earth, I know for fact he would think that too but, I have learned pretty soon after reading the posts of others that some have lost husbands and wives and partners at much lesser an age. Some have left young children too. Reading those posts I feel I have no alternative other than to tell myself I need to be grateful for my time with him and ask myself how lucky I am. We all understand your sense of loss, your pain and heartbreak, we all feel it too, every single day probably. It is awful but, we owe it to our loved ones to try and forge some sort of existence and to carry on in the best way we can, regardless of the fact, our lives will never be the same again and regardless of our acceptance that we will feel sadness and emptiness and heartbreak for the rest of our lives. I certainly can’t answer your question unfortunately, Lucy, all I can ever say in some form of response is ‘because we don’t have a choice and because despite my grief I am determined to make my husband proud of any efforts I make’, I don’t use the word ‘efforts’ lightly, everything I do is an effort. An effort I am prepared to make for him.

I send you love and strength to walk this road with all on this site, as well as hundreds more who don’t use it but who are suffering as we are on a daily basis. You will always have support and responses if you continue to post and/or an insight into the daily struggles of so many, as well as learning the coping mechanisms adopted by others. I have been encouraged and taught so much generally by just reading people’s comments not least by realising, sadly, that there are so many lovely and undeserved people on the very same road as me. I do hope you can also gain some strength and consolation, if nothing else, by doing the same. Keep reading and posting. Although there aren’t many certainty’s in life, continued support from others using this site is one of the few x


Hello Christine, I’m sorry about your loss too. I’m still in bereavement counselling which I am very grateful for, but am still struggling to understand what happened and my emotions can be all over the place. What helps me (and you’ll probably think I’m very silly) is my dog! Because of him I have to get out…I have to take care of him and he just keeps me going really. But sometimes I just feel lost or emotionally numb, if that makes sense. But, I keep trying…because I want to feel happy again one day…and I’m very stubborn!!! Xxxxx

Morning that’s good that you have your dog to keep you going. I keep going because of my boy’s like you my emotions are all over the place. I’m glad you are getting counselling this site has helped me a lot please keep posting .
Christine x

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Thank you

To honour their memory Lucyc. It is awful . My wife died on 11.12.18. and it is a long road of ups and downs …l had those thoughts and that conversation with myself . I lnow how you feel but they would want us to live for them .

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Dear Lucy
I am sorry to hear you’re struggling. What you are going through is absolutely normal.
I lost Ron in July last year. Some days are okay, but other days are rubbish.
It sounds like a cliche, but things will change for you. You will never forget your grief, obviously, but you will become stronger in time.
I wish I could give you a huge hug.

Thank you Teena I hope you are right. I am lucky in that I have two lovely grown up step daughters who mourn their father too, but I can’t imagine a day when I can come to terms with the loss of someone who I loved so much and who deserved a longer life. I am grateful though for your support x

Dear LucyC, I am so sorry for your loss of your dear husband and can so relate to your feelings. My husband died a year ago last Sunday and today is our wedding anniversary. He was 67. I remember the shock on a friend’s face when I told her not long after Steve died that I really didn’t care if I lived or died myself. My life just didn’t matter to me any more. I had lost all my bearings, my energy and purpose and all I could do was plod through the days. Like you, I have family and friends and in that I am luckier than so many. But the loneliness is very tough to bear.

It all seems like a nightmarish endurance test. After a year, I can only say that getting through the days has become a bit easier. The grief won’t go away, it grabs me randomly, often immediately after nice times. Some days are better than others but overall I am beginning to get used to this new life that I didn’t want.

I don’t know how recently you lost your husband and I wish I could offer you more comfort than saying that for most of us here it gradually becomes easier to live with the loss. Talking to people, whether a counsellor, friend or family member, keeping a journal, being busy and active, getting out there and joining new things can all help. I’m sure that you’ve heard or read similar already and it’s not always easy to do.

Hang in there. Hopefully you will find this forum helps you, as it has me, just to know that there are so many people who understand your feelings.

Alison x

Thank you Alison it is three months now and like everyone else I suppose life is devastated and will never be the same again and what I am hearing is I will become used to that , that’s not bad but just very sad x

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Hi hayes17
I feel the same as you I lost my husband who was only 53 to a massive heart attack normally fit and healthy it was a massive shock and I wish every night I don’t wake up but what does get me up everyday since my husband died is my little dog he needs me he has also lost my husband Ian so he is looking for him and is upset I have to get up everyday and take him for his walk like we did together everyday we had just lost our other dog in February I lost my dad 10 years ago my mum nearly 4 years ago and I’m only 49 years old I feel like I’m being punished for something diane

I do hope you all don’t mind me saying but it really doesn’t matter how old you are or your loved ones it still hurts just as much. My husband was older but we led an active life and did so much together. He still had so much he wanted to do. Having to sort through his interests and hobbies, which took me weeks proved that. We married later but had thirty years together but if it had been only one year it would still have been as distressing and like you all, I am lost, alone and frightened. I am a shell of my former self and wonder if I will ever find myself again. To be torn apart from the one you love if they are young or older is heartbreaking. We are all now on a journey, non of us wanted. I knew my husband had cancer for ten years and worked tirelessly to keep him healthy and this extended his life by years but it was no help when I eventually lost him and although I thought I was prepared, nothing could have prepared me for this existence. It’s early days for me and I do so hope that I will learn to find a sort of life again. Good luck to you all.

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