I recently met my boyfriend, we had been together for only a few months. I felt that in that time I knew him better than I knew the father of my child in years. We were making plans to move abroad at the end of 2026 and we had a strong connection. He took his own life last week and I feel totally lost. He had two daughters whom he was devoted to. Im struggling to process why he felt there was no other way out. We had spoken about suicidal feelings and him feeling down and he had always reassured me that he had been down before and knew what to do to come out of it. I’m angry at the world, I had waited years to meet someone like him, such a good role model for my young son and a wonderful partner and I feel like my future has been ripped away from me. I’m also struggling with flashbacks of being told about his death. I’m exhausted .
Hello @Baby1,
I can see that you’re new to the community. I hope you find it to be a support to you, but I am so sorry for the loss of your boyfriend that brings you here.
You say you are feeling lost. I wanted to share some sources of support that might help you right now.
- Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide offer support to people over 18 who have been affected by suicide. They have a supportline on 0300 111 5065 and run support groups nationally.
- Support after Suicide has a list of local and national support.
You might also want to explore our Online Bereavement Support, where you find our Grief Guide self-help platform, our Grief Coach text support service, and how to access our Online Bereavement Counselling.
Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.
Take care,
Alex
You are in my thoughts and prayers 
Dear Baby1 my husband also took his own life at the beginning of June this year and like you i felt lost as if nothing had any meaning anymore. He was much older but we still had lots of plans for after he retired and now they have all gone.
For 3 months i struggled because i couldn’t help replaying the last evening of his life and the moment when i found him and the partner and my son waiting and hoping they would be able to save him.
Somehow though i have survived what is now nearly 6 months and although i still have these flashback they are getting less. Having family around is what i need most because they knew him and understand the best. Also my dog keeps my going and having to take him out for walks every day.
I know it is hard to keep going but someone said that having a routine helps and also beautiful scenes like the full moon or sunset and now the Autumn colours. It makes me want to share them with Paul and wish he could still see them. Maybe he can. I hope so because they are still beautiful.
Thinking of you lots xx
Thinking of you sending love I lost my partner to suicide 3 weeks ago make sure your around people xx
Yes for sure being with people helps so much . I just wish the rest of my family lived nearer but the closest is 200 miles, then 300 miles and my eldest daughter is in Berlin.
Sending hugs
Baby1 - I am so sorry that your loved one died by his own hand. Death is bad enough, but to have that lingering “why?” must be so painful. “Why did you chose to leave us when we love you so much?”
One can only imagine the mental pain he must have been suffering in order for him to decide that not being here at all was better. It is horrifying, especially since the 2 of you had planned a future together, that he chose to not be here with you to live that future.
I know you likely thought your love could solve it all and make him whole and you would both live happily ever after. No amount of love can save someone bent on ending their life. We don’t know what is really going on in their mind.
It is a nightmare and my heart hurts for you.
When my friend’s partner did the same, his response was “he jumped into the arms of Jesus because he wanted to go home now and couldn’t wait.” We keep that thought in our minds - he was simply impatient to go to Heaven, his true home.
We will all go there one day and we will see our loved ones again. It is written.
Much love.
Much love.