I lost my darling husband 2 years ago. He was so young only 51 and we have 2 teenage boys (18 and 20 now) who miss their dad so much. I find Sunday’s the worst as it was the “family day” when we would do stuff together. My grief engulfs and overwhelms me on Sunday’s. I have tried to do different things and change the routine but nothing seems to work. I still feel numb, incredibly sad and lonely. Grief is so hard and I know everyone is different but I never knew such pain existed.
Hello Valagogo, I’m so glad that you have decided to join our Online Community, and share your thoughts and feelings with us. My heart goes out to you, and your two sons - how devastating to lose your husband and their father when you did.
The last two years must have been such a strain for you, as you tried to accept what had happened, and I’m sure you have done your very best to become both mother and father to your boys.
Lots of people who are bereaved find that Sundays are the most difficult day of the week - perhaps others in this community will be able to help you with their ways of coping. I really hope you will find serenity in your life, and be able to enjoy your sons as they become men. With kind regards, Jackie
Thanks Jackie for these words of encouragement. Sometimes it all just gets a bit much! If anyone has some thoughts about how to better prepare and cope for Sunday’s this would be appreciated.
I’m really sorry for your loss and for what a difficult day you were having yesterday, and on Sundays in general.
Hopefully some of our other members will respond with some of their thoughts about coping with Sundays soon. In the mean time, you might also be interested to read or reply to this recent post from Bazzo, who wrote about how he copes with difficult days - in this case, days like anniversaries and birthdays: https://support.sueryder.org/community/life-after-bereavement/damned-anniversaries
Hello Valagogo I lost my husband 5 months ago and totally understand your perspective my husband was 47 and weekends were our time together as he worked away during the week I started a new job 5 days after his cremation at the time it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done but I must say that now I work every other weekend which has been my sanity as like you the weekends are totally unbearable and highlights the fact that he is no longer here. I think everything is painful when someone you love deeply dies it’s worse when it’s your spouse because your life is so interwoven with theirs. I’m lonely but don’t really like being around people although I know at some point i will have build a new life for myself which feels totally alien to me especially as I spent 19 years with my husband and really the last couple of years we gravitated towards doing our own thing so how to even approach beginning again completely terrifies me plus I’m 2 years away from 50 so middle age isn’t just approaching it’s here and I expect by the time I feel ready to begin again I will be half way through it I guess there is no magic wand to ease our pain we don’t just mourn for our husbands but for our futures we lost, our security, our kids and all the other aspects that our husbands provided without realising. You are further down the line than me and so I can offer you no wisdom at this time except that you are not alone your life has changed completely a change you had no say in and one you didn’t want both of us will have to adapt and change also sounds easy but we know that’s not the case adapting is probably the hardest part of all, especially as we find it hard to let go of the person we love the most it’s not like there is a switch we can just click off. If only! My wedding anniversary is on the 27th and I am dreading it because like you the rawness is ever present there is no avoidence or distraction so the only thing I can do is embrace the pain until the day it hurts a little less and I sincerely hope that at some point that day will arrive for you my name is karen and if you want someone to rant to or for anything else please feel free to message me xx
Hi Karen thanks for your lovely message which really resonated with me. If you have been in a relationship for as long as we both have you are absolutely right it takes a lot of adjustment to no longer be part of a couple but must accept you are now only one and that you become redefined in some way. I feel like i have to start all over again when I didnt ask for this. It’s my 22 wedding anniversary on 16 July so I totally understand. I think I might be brave enough to look at our wedding album, shed some tears and try to remember happier times. Good luck and hugs
I find Sunday’s hard because that’s the day he went and we did not know that would be the end. My Sunday’s even now 2 years on are hard. Some are better but I don’t know what makes better, just me I suppos. Also the 11 of each month. Sad but that’s what I feel I have to live with. Birthdays, anniversaries and Christmas need to be organised so I don’t go into ’ melt-down’. It’s something other people don’t understand and it’s hard. I have no idea when it gets better or if but I will keep trying because that’s what we do. Tomorrow is another day.
I agree that its something that people don’t understand having to be organised and busy when anniversaries happen. Its my 22 wedding anniversary tomorrow and I have decided to spend the day looking at photos with friends and family and trying to remember happier times. I know it will be sad but as you say tomorrow is another day. X
I too have struggled with the weekends - although it was my father I ‘lost’ not my husband my father was a big part of my life and I spoke to him every day. After 15 months and feeling dreadful I decided to have some counselling and at first I though it was making me feel worse but recently I have felt a little better. I have NO idea if this would be helpful for you but my counsellor got to me to imagine my father sitting opposite me and to talk to him and then she asked me to pretend to be him and talk to me. Of course he would have wanted me to have an OK time and she asked me to pretend to be him telling myself what nice thing to make time for at the weekend and somehow I found that little game helped. until then I’d been rather reluctant to imagine talking to him because of the sheer weight of sadness that i couldn’t really do that. who knows if that would help anyone else - but worth a try??
Sunday is the worst day for me because my wife passed away on a Sunday so its always a sad time Ive never really liked Sunday anyway cos its always been seen as a boring day even with my wife was alive i still hated the day we didnt go anywhere on a Sunday.
My worse time is when my niece sends me photos and videos of her daughter my sisters granddaughter who is 3 it’s so unfair that she’s not here to see her grow up
Thursday afternoon - Just before 2pm I relive the last morning at the hospice right to the end and berate myself. Everyone saw it coming except me! I keep asking myself how could I have been so blind and stupid. I’m told I was in denial and I blocked it out; still doesn’t help. Sunday afternoons are very lonely and painful too. I attend church every Sunday now - it’s midday by the time I return home, bit of gardening, washing and housework followed by ironing in the evening the day is soon gone. I find saving the housework for Sunday afternoon helps.
I always visited mum and dad on Sunday, its so sad that I cant. Even though I used to see it as a bit of a chore on the way there, their little smilley faces always made the effort worthwhile. Its exactly 6 months since the car accident tomorrow, and 6 months on Friday when they had to turn off life support to mum. I dont think I will ever get over losing them that way, and i really dont “just need to get on with it” as everyone tells me. Its so hard and I would do anything to go and see them this weekend. I will cry like I always do, then feel awful but thats my way of dealing with it…I guess everyone is different. Do we ever really get over losing someone we loved?
I agree with comment about Sunday being the hardest day during bereavement. I feel lost as it has always been a family day but over the years its getting increasingly harder to bear, I can only hope as time passes the pain eases. My only son and next of kin passed peacefully away last Thursday. The grief comes upon me unexpected while trying to be brave.
I so sorry to hear you are so sad. Its only 6 months for me that I lost mum, and I felt my world fell apart. Nine weeks later my dad went too, and there are times that i wanted to be with them, i have kids but my life seems empty without my parents.
I only hope one day we will all be re-united with our loved ones, if you believe in that? which I’m trying so hard to do. XX
Hi, I lost my husband in June and I’m finding it so difficult. I also find Sundays the worst. As you said it’s family day. I’m 54 and just didn’t think I would be a widow at such a young age. I thought we had many happy years ahead of us but it wasn’t to be. I try to keep busy at weekends by visiting my daughters and friends. In the week I work so it’s bearable but the weekends I dread. I miss him so much. I hope things get easier for us both x
Good morning Libby, I feel the same as you and probably I blocked the last moments out and didn’t see it coming. Up to David’s end, I felt he would get well and back home. I also berate myself because I feel I could have done better. He is in my thoughts every day.
I like your comment saving your housework until Sundays, thank you.
It doesn’t get any better, my feeling and the little things that trigger the grief and try to be brave…not very good at that.
Hope you feel a bit better Libby. God bless you.
Hi Janey. I’m am so very sorry for your loss. It must be devastating. Like you I still go through the coulda, woulda, shoulda stage. This afternoon when I had to visit a Care home to take communion to the sick I was nearly in tears, it broke my heart to see the people there. We visited the Dementia, heart and nursing units. I came out grateful to God for taking John when he did and not letting him get to the stage these poor people were in . Perhaps that’s what I was supposed to see and appreciate because everyday I’ve thought if only I’d done this, that or the other I would have had John for bit longer. But of course it’s wishful thinking because I know without the Steroids John would have got even worse day by day and it was too late to get him back on them. I try to be grateful for small mercies, not easy! Do look after yourself, it’s early days and you will go through a whole load of emotions. First Christmas, birthdays and special days will be extremely painful. Having said that, we are all different in the way we grieve. I’m here if you ever want to chat. Sending you a big hug. Libby
Early Sunday morning was when i lost my Mum. I hate Saturday nights as well now as am dreading the next day and knowing that every week i will wake up at the time Mum slipped away. I sleep badly anyway since as when she was ill was always listening out in case she called out needing something.