Sunny weather but black clouds for me

The weather does not do anything for me.I am still under a unberella of rain cloulds.does anyone feel like me.?in fact with the good warm sunny weather it is making the pain more poignant for me.

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Dear Annette12
I understand exactly how you feel the void created by our loss is so hard to fill when all you really want is the person who is gone. I feel like I am I black and white and the rest of the world is in colour and though I am trying desparately trying to move forward there are times when my feelings overwhelm me and the sadness that is just beneath the surface erupts. Someone at my workplace commented to a friend of mine that I walked around looking miserable all the time and I thought god forbid that you ever have to experience a loss it is completely devastating and unlike anything you will ever know of course she is young and naive so I harbour no ill will towards her instead I am jealous that she has no experience of losing someone who she loves deeply I wish I didn’t even 13 months down the line I still feel lost without my husband and can’t ever imagine being truly happy again . I don’t mind the summer it’s the winter that I can’t bear despite it being reflective of my moods it somehow make me feel more alone and isolated. I think we both have to accept that regardless of the weather things are going to hurt for a while and there is very little we can do about that unfortunately xx

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Hi Annette. I can relate to you so much. Lost my dad the end of march had Alzheimer’s. I just feel so lost and isolated. I’m sorry for your loss.

Hi Aquarius,

i am so sorry to read what an unsympathetic person you work with. You are a nicer person than me not bearing her ill will. I would and might well be speaking to Human Resources and suggesting a word be had with her about her attitude.

Anyway that is off thread. Agree with others, there is nothing compares to walking around in the sun feeling as if it is really winter and with nothing but cold pain in our hearts. I find i never feel entirely warm now. I dream of hot sun, beaches and the sea
But know if i went i wouldn’t really enjoy it anyway.


Thank you Mel she is young like I said and has a lot to learn about life I am 49 and still have a lot to learn about life other people have expressed there respect for me because I get up and go to work each day so different perspectives I suppose.
I hope we will all find our way out of our pain and find some joy in our lives again xx


How on earth do they sort of expect you to be able to put on a happy face.but they do not know the pain obviously.I am jealous of every mother and daughter I see.even jealous of my own sister she still has her daughters.I am finding life very much a struggle without my darling girl.we can only try.but I don’t know if I want to.hope you are getting by.warm regards.Annette.xxxx

To joey.I have never experienced pain like this.its very very hard to endure isn’t it.sometimes I feel its hard to believe.I yearn for my daughter.every hour of every single day.if it wasn’t for this site I would really feel like throwing in the towel.thanks for your reply.I do appreciate it.warmest regards and

Hi Annette. Thank you for your reply. I’m new here and just working out how this site works. I’m so sorry for you loss. I lost my dad to Alzheimer’s. The last 12 days were awful. They stopped all food and water and was just watching him slowly deteriorate. It was the worst time of my life. Before he went into hospital he was walking feeding talking and the hospital just tried him with all different drugs and in my opinion just gave up on him. He was only 68. Diagnosed at 57. Worked all his life and never got time to enjoy his retirement. I’m miss him so much and just feel so sad. I can relate to how you are feeling the pain is awful. At the moment I’m just hiding away from people because my emotions are all over the place. Going to get some councilling soon so hopefully that will help me. Been off work since march but can’t face going back. At the moment I can’t focus on anything. Anyway take care Annette and look after yourself. Xxx

To joey.hi again .I have some misgivings myself.especially concerning the morphine medication that was administered to my daughter in the last two weeks of her life.they were always asking her if she wanted topping up all the time.even though my daughter was not requesting or imploring them for more.she didn’t eat or hardly drank.she was always out of it with the morphine.I may be a bit paranoid.but they stopped trying with her.and in the end they put in the morphine driver syringe.then I really knw that there wasn’t any real hope then.she died in hospital completely alone at four in the morning on the 10th of October.I also am hibernating in my misery.hugs to you

Hi Annette. I really feel for you. It’s such a hard time dealing with grief. I’m really struggling. I’m just waiting to see a councilor to help me deal with my emotions. Do you have any support of anyone. Cruse can be helpful to. They offer telephone conversations if you not up to going out. Every day I wake up and then realty hits you. I miss my dad so much he was my world. I am very sorry for your loss Annette it must be so hard for you. Hugs Annette I am always here if you need to talk. Take care x

Yes joey .I have some a psychiatric nurse.and I attend the coop bereavement counselling monthly.although I don’t think I am getting much from it.I have phone numbers and such like as well.since the weather as been good I feel worse.I live with my granddaughter the child of my girl.but she is out a lot .working and her friends.I have been advised to take up a interest.and go out and about more.but I feel I have no inclination.but I do go into Portsmouth often.but nothing seems to help I’m afraid.this time last week I was over on the isle of wight visiting my daughters was very harrowing for me.I went alone.I feel imprisoned in grief.sorry I am coming across so woebegone.but I miss her terribly .don’t .can’t see in future for me on the horizon.very thankful for your replys love

Hi Annette. This must be so hard for you. Hugs. May I ask what happened to your daughter. Grief is so intense. I can totally relate to you. Do you find therapy helps. Just try to get through one day at a time. Minute by minute. That’s what all I can do at the moment. I’ve lost interest in everything. Just sit at home thinking about things. Maybe finding a little interest my help you. Take care Annette and hugs to you xxx

Hi Annette. This must be so hard for you. Hugs. May I ask what happened to your daughter. Grief is so intense. I can totally relate to you. Do you find therapy helps. Just try to get through one day at a time. Minute by minute. That’s what all I can do at the moment. I’ve lost interest in everything. Just sit at home thinking about things. Maybe finding a little interest my help you. Take care Annette and hugs to you xxx

Hello Joey and Annette
My Husband passed away 7 months ago following a five week Hospital stay. I knew they made mistakes, I have them documented but I don’t know if these mistakes contributed to the final outcome. It torments me to wonder what went on that I didn’t know about and what he couldn’t tell me about. This week I was admitted to hospital myself and was in the next bed to someone put onto End of Life care. They classified her as a “write off patient”, indeed the same phrase was used to describe my Husband. I saw what happened as a fellow patient with no visitors present not as a loved ones partner/parent. It scared me dreadfully. In addition I personally was given an IV cyclizine dose incorrectly and suffered a horrific episode where I thought this is it, I’m dying. Turns out the Nurse should have given it over 5 mins not 8 seconds. With what happened to my Husband and reading other forum members accounts I am now petrified of ever being in a hospital with possible blunders and doctors too ready to give up on patients.

Hi to joey and girls story is a very bad case of medical negligence I’m afraid .which makes it all more painful.she had been for over a year period .with something she did not have at all.and the wrong diagnosis she received led to a cancerous tumour of 8 cms been left to grow.she died of vulval cancer and they presumed it was genital herpes.which indeed it wasn’ granddaughter has a solicitor on her case…just before Xmas in December I received the professors report and in his opinion and conclusion declared that had she had the proper treatment my daughter would in all probabilty be alive today…its all very tragic.I don’t trust anyone now.kindness regards to both of you and hope your fortitude is not as weak as mine!!

That is so awful Annette isn’t it. As if the grief isn’t enough to try to deal with. My Mum had the same cancer at aged 70 and you are right to say it’s a very rare cancer. Your Granddaughter must be going through a difficult time as well trying to work through the legal issues. Keep holding on as best you can.

Hi Annette. How you doing. Been thinking of you. Take care Joey xx

Hi joey not good at all .sorry I feel really bad lately.cannot function properly.I was out today to vote.and I felt like I was having a panic attack on the way home.felt like I was going to die outside.I am feeling a bit strange I am introverted in to myself.I feel like I am a insular prisoner of my grief.does that make sense.?how are you coping. This pain is killing me.hugs to you