Support from partner

I lost my Dad in April suddenly, we’re still waiting on post mortem results and I’ve been struggling so much with losing him, he was my best friend and I’m honestly so lost without him.

I still can’t go back to work and I’m on medication/seeking counselling to help me process everything but I’m just so overwhelmed. I can’t bring myself to see or speak to anyone outside my immediate family at the moment, the idea just makes me so anxious, my Mom and partner keep saying I’m hiding myself away in a bubble. Maybe I am, I know he’s gone but everything in my life was built around him. He was disabled (through a back problem) and I helped him with everything. I’m 31 and he was only 59, I shouldn’t have lost him now and I don’t understand why.

On top of the grief and this ‘bubble’ I’m having issues with my partner. We’ve been with each other for 9 years, lived together for 4 and he has been with me through losing both of my Nan’s and now my Dad. He was close to my Dad but he himself has never experienced loss. He just doesn’t get it and from looking online for support I’ve tried to talk to him to explain what I need but he’s still not understanding.

He just becomes so distant when I’m upset, ignores me most of the time or sits on his phone. It’s making me feel so lonely because aside from him I can only speak to my Mom and Sister who are trying to cope themselves. The only thing he ever comments on is getting myself going again, or that he’s noticed I’ve put on weight, which yes I have probably but I really don’t care right now. He makes out it’s to look after me and my well-being but honestly it’s making me resent him. I don’t know how to make him see and I’m worried this will make things toxic between us after so long. I just can’t deal with all this at the same time, I just want to feel supported and have an outlet why is it so hard to understand?

Hello Meg, you sound so sad and lone, I hope writing your post has helped. Your partner Is trying to get you back to the person you was, happy and confident . It is something that happens a lot, it’s difficult for others to understand how you are feeling and unfortunately grief doesn’t know anything about time and when it should go.
I understand how hiding away is what you want to do and I still do it but also know it’s not good for my mental health. Try small baby steps to start trying to regain some of your old self. Don’t rush and if it works keep doing only small steps. It’s early days and when we have loved someone it takes time to come to terms with our loss. Hope you get some counselling soon because it will help. Keep posting, writing and remember you are never alone.
Take care Sxxx

Hi @Susie123
I do feel really alone, the one person I know would make everything better and who I could talk to about anything has gone. I just don’t know how to be me anymore without him.
I miss him so much, I feel down all the time because I can’t see him or speak to him. I don’t even know what took him away from me. He had such a personality, an opinion on everything and I feel like I’m nothing, I’ve got no purpose.
I’m really trying, but I hate the thought of having to live without him and do the things we did together on my own. I’ve done nothing with my life yet, he’s going to miss everything and I just want to tell him what’s happening.
In a way I’m like I don’t want to talk to other people when the only one I want is my Dad. I know I need to try, but I don’t want to just cry in front of people all the time or get pitied because of what’s happened. I just hate this, every day, the ache of missing him and trying to figure out how to be ‘normal’. I miss normal life I miss how everything was before, and every day it gets further from the last time I saw him which just makes it worse.

Hello, you are not alone, he will be watching you and most likely waiting for you to start on a new journey but knowing he’s got to give you time. They say gone but never forgotten and it is very true but also they are never far away even if we don’t know it or believe it. Things will improve and you will feel much stronger for being able to start on a new road with new hopes and some fears, so put your best foot forward and try those baby steps. Go and give your partner a big hug because that’s something we need. Sxxx

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