I lost my Dad in April suddenly, we’re still waiting on post mortem results and I’ve been struggling so much with losing him, he was my best friend and I’m honestly so lost without him.
I still can’t go back to work and I’m on medication/seeking counselling to help me process everything but I’m just so overwhelmed. I can’t bring myself to see or speak to anyone outside my immediate family at the moment, the idea just makes me so anxious, my Mom and partner keep saying I’m hiding myself away in a bubble. Maybe I am, I know he’s gone but everything in my life was built around him. He was disabled (through a back problem) and I helped him with everything. I’m 31 and he was only 59, I shouldn’t have lost him now and I don’t understand why.
On top of the grief and this ‘bubble’ I’m having issues with my partner. We’ve been with each other for 9 years, lived together for 4 and he has been with me through losing both of my Nan’s and now my Dad. He was close to my Dad but he himself has never experienced loss. He just doesn’t get it and from looking online for support I’ve tried to talk to him to explain what I need but he’s still not understanding.
He just becomes so distant when I’m upset, ignores me most of the time or sits on his phone. It’s making me feel so lonely because aside from him I can only speak to my Mom and Sister who are trying to cope themselves. The only thing he ever comments on is getting myself going again, or that he’s noticed I’ve put on weight, which yes I have probably but I really don’t care right now. He makes out it’s to look after me and my well-being but honestly it’s making me resent him. I don’t know how to make him see and I’m worried this will make things toxic between us after so long. I just can’t deal with all this at the same time, I just want to feel supported and have an outlet why is it so hard to understand?