Support

I lost my Rob nearly four weeks ago age 56 very suddenly to a heart attack . I have lots of support through text messages , social media but is company that’s needed . I’m grateful friends and family phone or message me words of comfort but it’s very difficult to do any more than that given the covid rules and households not being able to mix etc .I wonder if I’m being too self centred .

No not at all. I’ve recently been away for a much needed holiday with friends and came back to local lockdown. I’m back at work but hate coming home to an empty house. I can talk to Frankie through my journal or out loud at times but it’s not the same. We used to allow ourselves a 5 minute rant about work then we could carry on with our evening. I hate this new life that I never wanted. Do you have a support bubble? :blue_heart:

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Hi blue 1 yes I have a good support bubble I really couldn’t ask for more but they have their own lives with children and partners . Sometimes though I just feel I’m expecting or wishing everything evolves around me . I realise Robs passing hasn’t just affected me but also my daughter and my son . I’m returning back to work next week ( only two days a week) not because I want to but I feel I need to to get some kind of normality in my life . Both the kids have returned to work and both said they feel it helps them take their mind off things for a while . Iv has all his estate to see to so I needed the time .

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Hi Kazzer, No you are not being self-centred. It has been harder this year for people who are grieving than at any time before. As you say, we lack the company as people can’t just pop in to see how we are as they are scared of the virus. You are in the very early stages but sometimes phone calls and e-mails just aren’t enough. Stay on the site and you will get through this with lots of help.

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Jean2 thank you so much for your words of comfort . I have every intention of staying on this site it does help to read others messages , you realise your feelings ,emotions ,and experiences are world wide I find it a massive help take care and thank you x

Wow well done for going back to work so soon. I was off for 3 months. However we are all different. I felt ready for routine as the days were long with no purpose. I am pleased you have a good support network. My friends got me out and about during those horrible first weeks and left their door open if I didn’t want to be home alone. It is still very early days for you. I have found this site invaluable. We all feel your pain. Nobody knows till it happens to them. Take care we all all here for you💙

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Hi Kazzer, I don’t think you are being self centred x

I for personal reasons left my job at the end of Feb this year to be greeted with lock down, my mums terminal illness and my Dad being diagnosed with dementia, then my beloved husband passed away in June.

Many times I want to scream as I feel everyone’s life is carrying on like normal but mine, mine has come to an almighty halt! I look after my parents and try to get through each day the best I can. I then come home sit and cry .

I have my son and daughter too but they have their own lives and are trying to come to terms with this like me x

I think what I’m trying to say is “ do what’s right for you” , whatever makes this journey easier is all you can do but reach out if you need help.

Take care x

Mrs T 1 thank you so much for your reply. My heart goes out to you it really does your world has been turned upside down. You are dealing with so many issues at a time when you need to grieve. Are your children a support to you , mine have been wonderful ,they have supported me in different ways. My daughter was very close to her dad but work didn’t allow them to meet often even though we live in the same village and on the same street, and I think she’s beating herself up because she didn’t see him as often but they talked daily on the phone or a text . She is beginning to come to terms with it a bit more now ,it’s 4 weeks today since Rob passed and she can now come to the house without getting too upset. My son just comes in does what he needs to do ( he’s taking care of Robs scooters) sit and has a drink and a chat and goes home. They have both returned to work and said they find this helps to take your mind off things ,so I’m am returning to work on October 1st part time . Like I said before my heart goes out to you if ever you need a chat I’m here for you ,we have probably both heard that so much over the past few months and if your like me a lot of those people have said it ,gone away and no follow up but I do sincerely mean it take care and stay safe x x

Blue 1 I am going back to work because I have so many hours in a day to sit and think about things then gets upset , I feel lonely . I have a very supportive staff team I work with looking after adults with a learning disability so that will help me get my mind off things. I won’t forget my Rob he will be in my heart for eternity . His mum rings me up which is nice but already she is saying things like “ you will meet someone else and find happiness again” to be honest I don’t want to hear it it’s not something that’s entered my head .

Hi I can relate to you, my dad said the other day , don’t be living your life like a nun! I said pardon and he said your young only 50, you’ll find someone else!! Well tbh I never want too, no one could ever fill my Daves boots and it really upset me, but I have to realise his dementia makes him say inappropriate things at times xx

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Kazzer that’s amazing. You have the best support bubble at work. How many of us have that. Personally I had to change location at work for travel and I miss my old work family already. I also can’t think about meeting anyone else. I met my soulmate and that happens once💙

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