My ex husband. Not a pleasant man. Is dying. I need to support my 3 adult male children throughout this loss. He was nasty and abusive and twisted but he is their father it is loss but with huge disappointment that he never became the father they longed for him to be. He has cut them.out of his will and his mother’s will and they still hang on his every work. His loss will be massive to them
Losing one’s parent is a life defining moment, and as you say your boys are about to lose their father - it is doubly difficult when a parent has not met a child’s expectations. I think there may be a need for some professional help here, as their loss will be inextricably linked with his failure to become the role model they wanted, and the hurt and disappointment that may accompany this. You can access this type of support as a family, or as individuals. In the meantime, I think you should consider building and reinforcing some positive memories of times the boys spent with their dad, although I recognise that this may be difficult for you. In time your boys may come to acknowledge his less positive qualities too.