Supporting mum but not coping and at rock bottom

I have been trying so hard to support mum visiting 6 out of 7 days each week. At weekends I try to do something with her to get her out. All this is now overwhelming me and I am desperately sad. Mum told me on Monday how depressed, sad and lonely she feels. I just don’t know what more to do. I desperately need time for me as everything is proving to much. I feel guilty for saying it. I already suffer with anxiety and low mood. Dads passing and mums sadness is proving to much and I am falling apart.

Dear Bear
I can really empathise with your words although I have to say I’m not managing to do as much for my mum as you are. I was a let down to my Dad and am now proving to be the same for my Mum.
I’m crippled with guilt and grief for my Dad. We lost him unexpectedly and suddenly and its too much to manage. I really feel my Mum is looking to me to pull her through but I can’t. I break down constantly and have cried constantly today.
Last week,with good weather she sat in my garden every day, I made lunch and bottled up my negative feelings. When when the kids came home from school and Mum had left, I exploded like a pressure cooker, crying out for my Dad, ringing the Samaritabs etc.
I just don’t know what to do. We’re the 2 people feeling this the most but we can’t help each other as we both have the same regrets and huge,loss.
I just don’t know what to do. I’m completely broken and know I should be helping Mum but I have no strength or hope, just regrets and grief.

Dear Gee1,
Thank you for your kind words. Being able to share our feelings here may help us a little. I to am desperately sad. By day I work and then spend 2hrs in the eve with mum. I miss dad, I missing seeing my friends and I miss hope

I sympathise with you. My mum passed suddenly 6 months ago and I’m trying to be there for my dad. It’s hard because he’s so used to me coming and helping I feel so guilty when I want time for myself. I go straight from work most nights and have dinner together and I spend most of my weekends with him. Now things are beginning to open up from lockdown I want to see my friends or have a day in my house just by myself. When I say I’m not coming around he looks so lost. I feel like I have to give him a valid reason for not seeing him.
I have a brother but he doesn’t seem to bother at all and it’s all been left to me to help my dad through it all.
I’m sure people would tell us we need to just tell our parents we need time for ourself and not feel guilty, but that’s easier said than done.

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Your words are very helpful as they reassure me that the way I am feeling is a possible norm and that I am not a bad person. Your right it easier said than done telling your parent you need space when they are so desperately sad and low.
Thank you

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