Many times have I heard the expression ‘men don’t cry’. Any parent who tells a young boy that is wrong, and it can often be cruel. Men do cry. This one does. Buckets!!
If we suppress emotions, not repress, that’s different, and may not apply to grief. But trying not to express emotions is harmful, and can be harmful to mental health. Emotions are energy. It may be good energy, ‘Gosh, I have won the Lottery’. That would bring on tears of joy. (Not now maybe but later).The reverse happens in grief.
By allowing a release of that energy, which is, by and large, negative, we release deeper feelings that hurt so much. Many find it helps just a little, but even a little is a lot in grief.
Getting it all out in the open and go through the process of grief is difficult, very much so. Anxiety and often depression are the result of suppressing feelings. I’m not suggesting crying in public, but sometimes that can’t be helped. But you need to be with someone you trust and who understands, who holds your hand but remains silent while you let it all go. I’m lucky, I have such friends.
Take care.
Hi Jonathan, Thank you for another inspiring post. I also work in the Mental Health Sector, and I encourage my clients to express anything they may be feeling, albeit only in a “safe, non-judgmental” arena. Indeed you are lucky to have friends who will actively listen and be present. I too have friends, however, some were also close friends & colleagues of my Sister. They are also in deep grief, so I find myself “holding Back” on my worst days (when I need a friend the most), so as not to further burden them. I have another friend, well meaning, but is of the “cheer up” mentality. His discomfort with my grief is palpable even through a text or email. Thus I put on a “happy face” for him, and “suppress” my inner pain. That is why forums such as this,along with support groups and the right therapist, can provide us with that safe space to vent and rant, and unleash all of those pent up, and
(often frightening & confusing) emotions that accompany grief.
Always lovely to see you on the site. Tears cleanse the soul, so continue to let them flow.
Take Care. Sister2
You are lucky you have friends who hold your hand when you are feeling low and need a tear or two. I too have friends but at weekends they have their own families etc so I tend to have tears on my own.
I don’t feel that men shouldn’t cry, why not! if anyone male or female has feelings then its nice to see the emotion.
Take good care love Sue
Jonathon, u’ve hit the nail on head, as they say. Ive one son who is very open about his feelinfs and one who goes quiet. I always worry about the quiet one.