Over thirteen months ago when I came on here my chances of surviving the trauma I thought were very slim. How I could cope from day to day became a major effort, and trying to be ‘normal’ whatever that means, was impossible.
I was numb for a time, I realise that now. Then it hit me. I almost, almost gave up. I say almost because even though we think we do it only seems that way.
Coming on here at first was an effort. Friends told me not to. ‘It will make you miserable’. ‘Look on the bright side’. What bright side?? My goodness they do talk nonsense when they don’t know. It goes to show how wrong people can be. Coming here was a godsend and all you amazing people have helped me through this difficult time.
Us humans are born survivors. We are you know, as difficult as it may seem at times. During times of extreme stress and upset somehow that spark of courage begins to appear. It’s not given to a few, we all have it.
Dim, hardly there, in the far distance is that light to which we all strive. I have found it gets brighter. Almost imperceptibly so. If I try to gasp it it goes. It has to be allowed to come in it’s own time. It may be months it may be years, none of us really know.
With a New Year coming with some hope and a new start perhaps, just perhaps, the light may get brighter. I do hope so. To all those in the early stages of grief the light may not be visible as yet. It’s lost in the pain and emotion of loss. That does not mean it’s not there. The sun still shines on the other side of Earth even though it’s night here.
I’m going to be grateful to all my friends here for the support given over the last year. Thankful also to those who set up and run this wonderful site. To all my friends have, or try to have, a better new year. Thank you all. Blessings, love and hugs. XX


Here here Jonathan. I couldn’t agree more. I have struggled this Christmas I went to the grave and burst into tears and have felt so low. It’s just me and hubby and I’ve got so angry with him twice too and yelled and lost the plot. I started to think I’m going mad. Miss mum and dad so much have no kids and my stepson has t even bothered to send a card let alone wish us merry Christmas and I sent him one. Just feel sorry for myself I suppose. My anxiety over my health and my husbands is so bad and every time I cough or he does I panic. I think everything is a precursor to serious illness and death. It’s horrible and it’s exhausting. I know it’s grief and I hope it is otherwise what the hell is up with me. I’m trying to keep calm and carry on. I hope
You managed to get through Christmas ok. Sending my best wishes to you. X

Hi. Pen. What is up with you is what is up with everyone here. We are all going through the most emotionally disturbing time possible. It can bring out the best or the worse. If you feel snappy and irritable realise that it’s normal in the circumstances. We often get angry and lash out at those around us. If they understand why then that’s good, if not then we have to accept they may back off not knowing how to cope.
YOU ARE NOT GOING CRAZY. It’s one of the things that often comes to mind in the beginning. Our equilibrium is so disturbed we think we are losing it. We are not. OK?
Your health anxiety may be helped by counselling. Have you had any or seen your GP? Health anxiety, not just for ourselves, but loved ones can be painful and of concern. The negative side of everything comes to the fore and anything positive seems to retreat into the background.
Anticipation about possible future events can exacerbate HA. Can you live in the NOW and take it all day by day? Things we anticipate rarely happen. We worry and fret when it’s so unnecessary. We stoke the fires of anxiety by worry.
Yes, try and keep calm and carry on, but not at the expense of your emotions. Never bottle up feelings. It’s bad for your mental health and your physical.
Take care of yourself. You must for your own welfare. We can so easily neglect ourselves and that’s not good. Blessings. XX

Jonathan how I would love to know you personally. You are so wise and have an ability to express things so clearly. I sometimes think I get a blink of that light you talk about but it’s so short I can’t be sure. I had a basic plan of life in mind but it’s been tore up and threw away by life itself. I brought up my two fantastic children myself, worked hard and ‘done everything right’. Then 2017 my lovely daughter had to have surgery to save her life. 2018 my lovely son died in an accident. 2019 my daughter has moved into her own place close by. So I sit here today in a house that once was full of fun and young people… and the noise now is the clock ticking. How life can change. But I have got myself two beautiful pups which make me laugh and shout at times lol. It’s hard to work out what direction to take from here. My son would want me to live life but I miss him so much. This site has been invaluable to me. Everyone is so kind and thoughtful and understanding. It’s just sad that we have all suffered the pain of loss. No matter how bad a day we are having though it will pass in 24 hours. And we can hope the new day maybe a bit better. Love to all x

For weeks we have had nothing but grey sullen skies and rain! So how amazing that yesterday was a really beautiful winter’s day…almost as if we were being reminded that the light is still there and that , although it is often so hard to see it in through the darkness, it will never go out.
Jonathan is so right…the light is there for each of us , but we can’t just grab hold of it…we have to walk towards it in our own time.
How lovely to have let puppies into your life Orchard! They will be like guide dogs are to those who have lost their physical sight and will surely help you walk through the darkness.
Pen…try not to worry too much about the future…none of us have any control over it! Rather, let your new understanding enrich the time you still have
with your husband…treasure it and store it up!
So, 2020 is nearly upon us…like everyone else here, I am apprehensive. I know there will be more trials ahead…but all of us here have survived so much and that light surely beckons and will lead us on.
Take care x

1 Like

Again, thank you…
Through many difficult times, we prided ourselves that we were survivors. I will survive this as well - I just have to keep reassuring myself and believing. It was 6 months yesterday, and I’ve made it this far.
I have to say my Christmas was lovely. My friends invited me to their annual Christmas dinner, 26 family & friends, children & adults. I felt like I was being wrapped in a warm blanket of gentleness & love. We rarely celebrated , so being included in their celebration made me feel very special. I still feel the warmth and the tiny flicker of hope within.
May 2020 bring us all some peace

Oh WOW!!! Heather_Diane. 'the tiny flicker of hope within!!! Now build on that. It will still take time because six months is not long, but it’s a beginning. The tiniest seed can grow into a big tree given love and attention. That flicker is the first indication of hope. Hope and love are so important. Hope begins to overcome the awful feeling of loss, and love overcomes all things. Nothing will ever be the same. How could it be? But with acceptance and understanding we can overcome. Accepting what has happened and moving on is so so difficult. Especially in the early stages. Feelings and emotions do subside, but then what? No matter what age we are we still have the gift of life, and our loved ones would want us to be survivors not victims.
Good for you HD. I’m so glad you enjoyed your Christmas. It’s all a matter of attitude. The old saying comes to mind. ‘Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you cry alone’. Alright, many will say, you laugh and I will cry. That’s fine! But every coin has two sides. Everything in life has it’s opposite. Dark, light. Love, hate. Happiness, misery. If we don’t walk the ‘middle way’ as the Buddhists say, we get caught up with one or the other.
Can we come through the pain to the other side? I think we can given the will.
Take care. Blessings. XX

1 Like