Hello,
My wonderful Pete was snatched away from me very suddenly in November 2021, we were blissfully happy and had only met 5 years previously, it took me so long to find my soulmate, I am very glad that for the last 2 and a half years of Petes life we were together 24/7 due to lock down.
He was the most remarkable person I’ve ever known and we had planned to get married and grow old together, but it wasn’t to be. He was 59.
He had a heart attack and I never got to say goodbye, to say I am heartbroken is an understatement, the rug was pulled from beneath me and I was catapulted into this life of grief.
This morning I had the realisation that if I survive until retirement age of 67 I will have been without him longer than we were together.
I can’t help but feel cheated, but I’m also happy that I got to know what true love feels like as many people go through a whole lifetime and never find it.
I cherish the memories we made and will love and miss my gorgeous man for the rest of my life.
Muldool
I really feel for you
My husband died in December 21 but he had been unwell for many years.
I will always miss him
Indeed having that type of a love, a true soul mate and partner can never be forgotten
I also feel very lucky, and have a head full of memories and computer full of photos but as you say it is so hard each day
The deep ache that nothing can ease
The plans and hopes you had gone in an instance
It must be so hard that you never managed to get married
I will think about you
Thank you for sharing so good to know none of us are actually alone
Hello to you both
We were lucky to have been loved
No one can take away your happy memories cherish them
Like you said some people never experience that kind of love
But when you have loved someone so much
It’s so hard to carry on without them
In time you really do learn to cope with your grief
I loss my loving husband 4 years ago this month
I am not the person I was
I am still so angry for God taking him I wished he had taken me instead but he didn’t
So I plod on with my different life now
I have more better days than bad ones now
I can think of my husband look at photos and smile at the wonderful time we had together
Don’t get me wrong I have really bad days too
But I just hope they are safe and in a better place and I’m happy he is not going through this heartache as I would never wish this on my worse enemy
Sending my love
Xx
Thank you Scottie10 you describe it so well.
The pain that can never be resolved, the deep unseen sadness, the regrets, the ‘if onlys’ and ‘why’s’.
There are no answers or solutions to our pain just time numbs it a little and distraction briefly helps
‘Better to have loved and lost than never loved at all’ I often think about that one. I guess the statement is saying the pain of loss after loving outweighs a life without such love.
I unashamedly adored my husband day in day out.
He could be very irritating etc but so could I, yet underneath we just had this bond. It was wonderful and gave me such a sense of security, protection, belonging and peace. Even when we were apart I knew he was there.
Now it is just this vast hole and emptiness.
Hi Rowens,
You also describe is so well, I can identify with everything you have said.
Muldool x
Hi
Having a really bad day
Everything feels as if it is closing in on me
Emails from Sky saying contract about to finish what do I want to do and quoting high fees for next year
Email from bank asking if I want to change my bank account
Lots of fraudulent ones claiming this and that….
All need dealing with but some are beyond me
I’ve sorted all the legal and financial stuff following my husbands death
All the disability equipment has been returned or sold for nothing on eBay (it is very costly to be disabled £10,000 for an electric wheelchair)
Now I just want ‘them’ all to leave me alone and let me grieve
So many letters still arrive for Mr and Mrs even after I’ve told them, sent death certificates etc
I phone again and they apologise and blame the ‘system. Or tell me I need to set up a new account or contract in my sole name but there may be a fee for cancelling the old contract before it has finished
Do you all find this so frustrating and at times just overwhelming
I thought I was doing ok with blips but this is like a Tsunami, wave after wave
I’m treated by neighbours and friends as if nothing has changed and if I try to chat about my husband they change the subject or disappear.
Sometimes I find this funny as it’s so absurd and unfeeling.
When my husband was still alive I sometimes wanted to stand in the middle of the street and just scream. He was so ill and disabled for so long but the last year was horrendous with little medical support (NHS not good with long term problems)
It was 24/7 showering, turning him, trying to get fluids down,changing and recharging the bed battling for what he needed
Now people seem to think it must be a relief and I can now just enjoy my life but I loved him and he’s not here…. So they ask where are you going on holiday
Rant over
Thanks for listening/ reading!
Rowans
You will get through it
You are strong what you have gone through nursing your husband you can do anything
It’s hell when someone you loves dies
You don’t get time to grieve
Sort out new payment in your name trying to speak to someone on the phone OMG
It has all come flooding back to me my nightmare
Now it’s your time to relax reflect remember the good times you had with your husband
Cry cry and cry it’s what your body needs Rowans
How can they ask you if your going on holiday ! What planet are they on
I had the same issue
Do I want a holiday without the love of my life with me
They don’t mean it they just don’t have filters on when they are saying
This is what this site is for sharing shouting getting angry
You have every right
We don’t judge we all understand
Hopefully tomorrow will be slightly better for you
Sending my love
Xx
Thank you Scotty
A lovely encouraging reply
New day tomorrow for us all……
This post has given me such hope now, I was beginning to read posts from people saying that after years they were still unable to cope and didn’t have good days, I know that if I’m like I am now forever I will go insane. There has to be a way of coping and channeling your grief. I know everyone’s experience is different. My heart goes out to everyone’s post that I have read and I’ve only joined this afternoon. We are all suffering in our on ways that parts of can be relatable- thank you
I know how your feel. It scares me so much when I read some poor souls are still not coping years down the line… God love them…
…… my baby was only 47 and I turned 50 last month… the thought of the rest of my days feeling like this is just an utter, utter nightmare…. I pray for us all… x:heart:
Dottie and Sandan
Thank you for your posts
It is only 10 months since my husband died but it is easier and less raw
All the legal stuff is complete and the frustrations I mentioned above in my rant are just frustrations not catastrophes.
I can enjoy the great memories and know how lucky I have been to have spent so many years with my soulmate, to have experienced this kind of love and relationship which many never have
I can look at photos and smile, visit our favourite places and enjoy them and be in the house without continual tears
Yes I still feel sad and lonely at times but I can count my blessings and am so so grateful for what I had
Today would have been our 20th wedding anniversary, we were together for 23 years and I loved every day inspite of his increasing care needs.
It was very tough for the last few years but we had a great connection, memories to share and enjoyment of the simple things.
It has left a gaping hole as I was ‘on duty’ 24/7 but that was a privilege and I promised him I’d always be there and he would stay at home
I feel I’m doing well and moving forward slowly
I acknowledge I’ll always miss him and love him but that is a comfort
Good luck to all of us on this difficult journey
So hard and painful and lonely but we owe it to our loved ones to try to move forward
Oh bless you, your experience is very similar to mine although he only needed care for about 6 weeks. But in those weeks the whole of my time was devoted to him and I wouldn’t have it any other way, I never left his side.
The gaping hole that has been left behind is intolerable, I find this so difficult to come to terms with. It’s very early days for me as it has only been 6 weeks. I have a 12 yr old to bring up too and I work as a district nurse, starting back in 2 weeks on a phased return. It all feels like a huge brick wall is in front of me.
@Rowans your words bought tears to my eyes and thank you for giving us hope. I too feel exactly like you. It’s only 5 months since my husband passed but I also believe our loved ones wouldn’t want us to endure this awful pain forever. Yes, there is still a painful battle ahead for many, if not a of us but I would truly be heartbroken if I knew my husband was suffering like I am. I fe I owe it to his memory to move on when the time is right and hd the memories that I had when he was still here enjoying life with me. Hugs to you. x
Sandan75
It is very early days for you and with a 12 year old to care for. Not just you to consider.
It will be hard to return to work particularly as you are medical and may be faced with similar situations. Hard to remain professional at times but work is also a good distraction and a slow return to some form of normality, whatever that is. Life will never be normal/ the same again but I found a familiar routine helped although in the early days it was tough and I’d fall apart once I was safely back home.
If I felt tears welling up I’d have to be hard in myself and think of those I was seeing. It’s all about them at work then return home and it’s about you
Not easy but you’ll find the strength just don’t be too hard on yourself. There will be good days when you think you are improving then for no apparent reason horrible days when you can’t see a way forward. Keep going, plodding on and take heart you are not alone in this difficult journey
Take care
Heartbroken
I love your username, we are all heartbroken
You sound as if you are beginning to see some light and slowly moving to a better place. It’s hard to let go of grief. I still feel guilty if I laugh, don’t think about my husband for a period of time or just have an enjoyable day
I have to remind myself that I am allowed to live and need to live for him and me.
He was so funny, the life and soul of every party in spite of his disability
He would want me to live but easier said than done but I am better than I was with wobbly bits!
Thank you, reading your words have helped today, feeling particularly sorry for myself.