Talk about kids

This morning started very weirdly, I woke up just after midnight from a bad dream, I was in so much distress I went downstairs to my boyfriend (I sleep over sometimes,) who was watching TV, (he’s a bit of a night owl :owl:), I told him about my nightmare, he gave me hugs & comforted me. I started talking about my housing situation, this has been a puzzle since last summer, but as the conversation progressed, it took an unexpected turn, my boyfriend said he’d talked to his parents about the idea of us moving into a bigger house, all living together, & us getting married & having kids, & he wanted to know what I thought, whether I would want kids? Would I be happy living with him & his parents? Ect. He said his dad doesn’t think it would be financially possible, his mom is more easy going, & I think just wants my boyfriend to be happy, & to see him comfortably settled down before they pass (his parents are in there late 70s,). I like the idea of getting married, & having our own place, moving out of my dad’s house, & especially AWAY from HIM, but I’m not entirely comfortable about the idea of Boyfriends parents living with us, I think we all need our own space sometimes, & I’m concerned we would feel that we’re in each others way too much, his mother & I clash sometimes on what we think is best for my boyfriend, with his health, it’s just because we both care about him, but have different views on what is best, she is a very strong minded woman, & I often feel my ideas, views & feelings are not valid, I just feel walked over & ignored, even though the points I made are perfectly valid :pensive:, eg- Boyfriend has previously had problems with high cholesterol, so understandably they changed his diet to include plenty of fruit & veg, cut out sugary & fatty foods, but the butter they get is very high in saturated fats (53g per 100g), as where I have mentioned this like 50 times now, the best ones he SHOULD be getting, is either Bertoli, or Proactive lower cholesterol (this is the one I get, only 12g saturated fats per 100g, the rest is unsaturated & polyunsaturated fats which help clear out the bad fats,) it’s like talking to a brick wall :brick: no-one listens to me :pensive:.
During our conversation, we got very wrapped up in the topic of kids, it was a pretty picture when we were talking about it, but I have very mixed feelings on this, part of my concern is that I think his mom would be too controlling, & part of my concern is that my dad is a bullying alcoholic, if I had kids, I don’t want him anywhere near them, part of me is sad that in 2007 my baby by a previous partner died during pregnancy, any kids I have now would never meet there older sibling, which I feel sad about, but I don’t think that should take away from the happiness of any kids we may have in the future, but also that my mom passed away 3 years this April, she would never get to meet her grandchild/children, but also she wouldn’t be there for advice during pregnancy, birth stuff, or anything, :pensive: in that way, I feel very sad & conflicted, & alone. Previous history, when my mom found out I was pregnant with my previous baby, she wasn’t thrilled, didn’t like babies father, & at the time she made comments about baby I never forgave her for, this was something that caused a lot of upset, & distanced us, my current Boyfriend has a mental health condition, so I think mom wouldn’t of been very accepting of him either, but he is a good hearted, kind man who would never do anything to hurt me, granted no-one’s perfect, everyone has their faults, but we’re soulmates, & he’s perfect for me, though if I’m totally honest, the health stuff is a concern, I suffer with pseudoseizures, & chronic fatigue syndrome, so not in the best of health to be caring for kids, & boyfriends mental health condition could be passed down to them. In the end we said we’d talk about it again when I sort out my housing situation, that we need a stable home before we can consider it as a serious subject, but I think kids are something we both want, though nervous about how we would cope, what it would mean in terms of our relationship.

Hi @Pandaprincess ,

I’m sure someone will be along to share their thoughts, but I just wanted to say thank you for so bravely sharing this with us. Keep reaching out,