Talking to my lost soulmate

Pauline my beautiful darling soulmate I love you with all my heart and soul you were my world my everything my reason for living my strength my hopes my dreams you saw straight through to the heart of me and you got me like no-one ever had you totally understood me and I let all my walls down with you I had never done that with anyone before I have always found it difficult to trust people but you put me at ease I always told you I loved you but I could never find the words to express just how much and how deep my love for you went I have never loved so deeply and completely until you and I never will again because my heart my soul my mind my body is yours forever you are all I want and need when my mum died I felt so alone and lost my world fell apart I was only 13 so I didn’t really understand how I was feeling it was my first real encounter with grief so I turned all that pain on to my self and that’s when I started self harming and I carried on doing that for years you helped me stop I never thought anything could ever hurt me as much as losing her did but I was so wrong losing you has crushed me and totally broken me my heart is broken my soul is crying out in pain my world has fallen apart again I feel like that kid again lost and alone feeling nothing but pain my life ended when you passed you completed me made me a better person made me someone I liked because I have never really liked myself before you gave me unconditional love and my love for you is eternal as yours was for me I have never felt so loved as you made me feel and for the love and everything you gave me I thankyou you knew everything about me and every part of me and all my hope’s dreams and fears things I had never shared with anyone before you I am so very sorry for times that I let you down and hurt you with things I said during arguments and mostly I’m so so sorry that you died I keep thinking that I’m to blame if I had kept on for you to go to hospital maybe you would still be here but we were both scared because of covid we were both high risk and with your breathing problems getting that was a chance we didn’t want to take I tried so hard to keep you safe but I still lost you I miss everything about you your beautiful smile would light up a room you light up my life your amazing beautiful eyes I could look into those eyes forever I would get so lost in them your laugh was infectious especially when you giggled it always made me laugh you are the only person I have ever totally trusted and given myself to completely the years I had with you were the happiest years of my life we would have got married this year in my heart you are my wife and you will always be my life I have never felt so loved as you made me feel and I have never felt pain like this it’s so intense never ending but I wouldn’t trade the years I had with you for anything you pauline my sweet beautiful angel are the kindest gentlest soul I have ever had the pleasure to know I will always love you and I will never forget you there is not a second that goes by where I don’t think of you I wake up at times half asleep and find myself calling out for you the other day i woke up with a song playing in my head you can make me whole again I think I was dreaming of you I hope and pray that I will be reunited with you soon I know that is selfish of me but I can’t do years like this I’m so lost withoutyou I have all this love in my heart for you and I can’t show it to you or express it to you I would have given my life to save you I will take care of our babies and try to do you proud please know I love you I’m completely in love with you and always will be you are my soulmate my true love the other half of my heart the best part of my life was with you be at peace babe love always and forever yours casey xxxxx