I immediately started crying after I woke up. Why I am still here? Everything is overwhelming and does not make any sense to me anymore. I am missing him so much and every day more. Is there any end to this terrible suffering? I am watching TV but actually, I do not know what I am seeing. I will try to go out by bus to Grays tomorrow. Hopefully, my hay fever will not play up again. I will try to leave early before the dreaded sunshine comes out with vengeance. I hate the sunshine it makes everything worse. I am so tired of all of this but cannot get a really good restful sleep for weeks now - actually since my beloved husband died. I try to be positive but fail most of the time. And every time when I hear the trains going by I think he is coming home to me again and that is only a terrible nightmare. I hate my life. Sorry about the negativity but that is how I feel most of the time and today it is really bad again. Sending lot of love and hugs.
Hi @Annaessex I’ve not posted on here for a while but you’re not on your own. I hate my life too. Sending you a hug.x
Hi @Loobyloo2 nice to hear from you … we’re all on this crap journey ! I find it hard to understand why this has happened to us and why it couldn’t happen to all the idiots in the world ! And theres plenty of them i can assure you ! xx
Hi Deb5 thanks for replying. Yes I still can’t believe he’s gone from my life forever abd I’ll never see or speak to him again. It’s si heartbreaking. I loved and still love him so much it painfully hurts. I kniw I will never stoo loving or missing him. We were together for fifty years and now on my own it is so hard every day. I am now seriously contemplating moving house as it is too big for me here and I am not getting any younger so I have to think about what’s best for me now. It will hurt havibg
Sorry hit the wrong button. Iwas going to say it will hurt having to move but I know it is something I have to do as I can’t manage here on my own. How our lives are turned upside down when we least expect it and then everything changes. It’s just not fair. Mind you, who said life was fair?x
Yeh well there sure is so much unfairness in the world that’s for sure !!! And if you have to move to manage … just move ! Maybe it will be a good thing ? Make some new friends - you still taking that beloved husband with u in your heart and mind - he will never go from you no matter where you are ! And he would want you to move if you cant manage the house now ! I think i will probably move myself… not cos house too big just fancy a new start somewhere else ! Near the sea i think ? We were always gonna do that anyway ! But it will take a lot of strength for me and im not ready yet … too emotional still xx
I havent been on for a while as i really felt i was coping i lost my husband Dec 2021 suddenly, felt really lost for a while then started to make decisions. Wrote a list of what needed doing and have been slowly ticking it off one by one
The decision has been made that i will be l moving next year, its something we had talked about but never got round to doing anything about it. However the last couple of weeks has been awful. The least little thing and i have broken down in tears. The plans i am making should have been for both of us, why is life so unfair. Tears are welling up now just thinking about him.
I have only recently lost the love of my life he passed suddenly 30th may this year i was in so much shock when i rang the hospital 9 o’clock in the morning to see how he was only to be told by the staff nurse that my husband had died at 8 o’clock that morning the memory of her voice telling me still haunts me and i went into complete shock even though he was 72 and had undergone a major heart surgery he was in intensive care for 54 days they brought him back to me unfortunately he did need dyalisis as his kidneys were damaged during the operation,but they moved him from the heart hospital to one nearer home where he could still have dyalisis when needed but he was only there four days when he sadly passed we were together for 49yrs i was 17 when we married i cannot believe i lost him now in our twilight years i cry mostly mornings as we were together constantly and have rarely been apart are whole marriage the pain i feel is indescribable and i just wish i could be with him but i know that’s not an option i still have an amazing daughter and two older grandsons whom i also love very much but it is not the same as the love we have for our loved one i pray that we can somehow oneday find peace and comfort for what at times seems a bleak cold future thankyou for letting me tell you my story i so appreciate you all and it feels a little better to know that we are all going through this trauma god bless you all 
xx
Aw …u poor thing ! Why didnt the hospital ring you ??? Omg thats awful ! Its just way they do things these days it pees me off ! Theres no bedside manner anymore and they leave you so traumstised ! Its just not kind 
i am 6 months into the same journey as you snd me and my husband were together all the time too ! I loved him do dearly … and miss him … but the pain does subside … cant say its great but its beyter than beginning … when you are in shock really . Xx
Thankyou for you kind reply my daughter said the same when she rang them the matter of fact way one nurse spoke to her wasn’t exactly sympathetic i think the nhs are in crisis in every way and it doesn’t give you any confidence in them it’s all about money now snd little to do with being a vocation sending love to you in your greif also let’s hope we get through this pain xx
Yep i totally agree ! Its a flipping shambles ! I lt wasnt like this 15/20 years ago ! I do think that covid has made it worse but as you say people have forgotten its a vocation … my aunty and cousin were nurses ! The kindest people you could meet ! It needs a massive overall and bringing into the 21st century !! X