Tears wont stop

My grandfather passed away on the 22nd November this year, although it was somewhat expected, his passing has left me devastated. He was 89 when he died and was the last of my grandparents. I always knew this day would come but i did not expect it to hurt so bad.
The extreme sadness comes in waves and when i least expect them.
Today I have done nothing but cry as it was a tradition that we would all go and see him on xmas morning but obviously this year is different. I dont know who to talk to as everyone keeps saying that im being selfish for crying over him.
Deep down i know he would not want me to be this devastated but i dont know how to move past it.
Im not able to talk to my husband as he lost his father back in may this year and hes been busy supporting his mum and taking over the running of the house as this was what his dad did when he was alive.

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You are not selfish for crying over him! What a ridiculous thing to say, you loved him and of course you mourn him. I’m very sorry for your loss. This is a good place to talk, especially when others around you don’t understand. :heart:

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Why on earth would someone say that? Sobbing here too so you aren’t alone x

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Shedding tears for loved ones who are no longer here is a normal part of grieving and is certainly NOT selfish. I read that grief is love with nowhere to go. You loved your grandfather, therefore why on earth WOULDNT you grieve his passing?

You will find plenty of people on here who feel the same so keep sharing here. I know you maybe feel you dont want to burden your husband, but given his recent loss I’d hope he would be able to empathise and support you? Take care :heart:

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Hi Ally6
my husband hasnt grieved for his dad as hes been more concerned with his mum and her loss.
it feels like my loss is nowhere as significant as his is, yet im the one falling apart

Hi. So sorry for your sadness at the loss of your grandfather. I note what you say about your husband helping his mother after the loss of his father.

I think very often when someone dies we focus on the practical things that have to be done and they can mask our grief at the time - certainly that happened for me when my partner died in 2022. Perhaps that is what is happening with your husband, but you have more time, as it were, to grieve for your grandfather. There is nothing wrong with either way of doing things - they are just different. After my partner’s death, his sister cried and cried for weeks - I tidied cupboards. Do what you need to do to honour your grandfather.

Sal

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I’ve been crying again, it helps I think to cry apart from the stingy eyes afterwards. You are not selfish in crying and don’t let anyone tell you that you are. You do what is right for you and no one else.

Nori, you have been in my thoughts❤️ xx