It is five months today since my husband died and the grief is as raw as if it has just happened. I’m a practical person and always find a way to do things but bereavement has floored me and I can’t see a way forward. Short term I shall light a candle and hope that calms me. Immense admiration to all of you who find a way through.
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I am sorry for your loss. I lost R, 6 months ago. It sounds dramatic, but my world went with him. I don’t recognise myself anymore. My life has changed beyond recognition.
The tears don’t stop neither do the thoughts either. They probably will stay with us to it’s our turn, wouldn’t surprise me. I thought a bout mum today and yesterday quite a bit. Of course the tears develop naturally as there’s emotions attached to those thoughts. I lost mum in August 23 and I’m still in the same flat I shared with mum. Last night I was thinking I hope I don’t wake up, but I did! was but of a effort to get dressed today though. I don’t ever stop thinking about the person you lost or what your life used to be like with them. Sorry for your losses.
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Not sure we are finding a way through, some days might seem better. But the loss and the grief from that loss will be with us for a very long time. Don’t think we really want to let go either.
A lack of self recognition felt as well. My world turned on its axis’ the day my beloved soul mate and best friend left this world. To face this life in the time we have left and never knowing how long that might be…
Never want to let go’
It’s also five months today since I lost Martin and I’m in a far worse place today than I was then. Yesterday I started sorting his clothes because I promised him I wouldn’t wait too long before giving them to the charity he’d chosen. They are being collected on Wednesday but I just feel it’s admitting he’s never coming back and I’m not ready to do that yet.
I don’t know how to go on without him. I see people who lost their husband or wife years ago and I’ve no idea how they’ve got through it.
I hope your candle calmed you down. I too light one most evenings.
I’m thinking of you.
People say that time helps but I am finding the reverse. Every day puts me further away from when I last saw my husband; I don’t want to let go of the clarity of my last memories of our times together. In an attempt to finish writing in a more positive frame of mind I shall share the words I have found that comfort me most at this moment of my life. May they bring comfort to others.
‘This too shall pass.’
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Layla2
One of the things Martin used to say was that it didn’t matter how dark your days were and how bad or sad you felt it would pass and life would move on. When I was diagnosed with heart failure 9 years ago my father in law said all I had to do was look to the front, breathe in and out and put one foot in front of the other and time would pass without me doing anything else. Wise words from 2 very wise men.
Its not always easy to remember these things though, especially when you’re greaving for the other half of you.
Hang in there and remember we were both loved by wonderful men. Not everyone is that lucky.
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Thank you Kaytoo, I have printed out your words to look at when the days are dark. In the midst of deep grief I forget how fortunate I was to have been loved unconditionally by such a wonderful man. Thank you for the reminder.
Layla2
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