teen grieving

Coping with bereavement
#1

Hello lovely people here.
This post is not about me but I believe you can help me and my friend.
I lost my best friend in 2018, it was a very sudden and dramatic death. She left her partner and 14 year old (now 15) daughter. And while we thought she is getting better with time it was just an act to hide her emotions. She had a massive breakdown last night and honestly me and her dad don’t know what to do anymore. We tried to look out for help at her GP, Cruse bereavement and no one seems to want to help, just because she’s a teenager.
We have tried getting her to do exciting stuff, taking her out, trying new things but we failed every time.

I know she needs time but her dad is really afraid she’s going to hurt herself because she keeps saying ‘‘she wants to be with her mum’’.
Truly hope some professional help will come through soon.
but in the meantime if you have any ideas we would highly apreciate it.
Hugging every one of you lovely people x

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#2

Hi. okruch. It’s so difficult for someone so young to grasp the idea of death. Life seems to be all about fun, then they are hit with something us adults find devastating, and what it must be like for a teenager is awful to contemplate.
You are right, she does need professional help. If there is any sign of self harm get help as soon as you can. Her emotions will be all over the place and the best thing you can do is give her love and understanding. I have no doubt you are all doing that anyway. Being a teenager should have no bearing on any help she can get. More so because young people can’t be philosophical about death. Us older ones have problems with it, God knows.
Distracting her and trying to get her mind on other things may not help. She will almost certainly come back to herself and her own thoughts.
I have no ideas other than what I have said. But do push for professional help. She needs handling with care, and most people just are not equipped to deal with such a situation. The old cliche ‘give it time’ does apply, but time seems to drag.
Once again I must emphasis. Any sign of self harm must be treated as an emergency. Sorry not to have been of much help. Take care of yourselves as well as well as the girl. You can only help if you can keep well yourselves. Blessings and a hug to you.

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#3

I’m so sorry to hear about the death of your best friend, and how her daughter is struggling. I’m sure your friend would be so glad to know that you are still looking out for her daughter.

We have an information page on our website about supporting teenagers and young people with grief, which you might find helpful.

Is her school aware of what’s happening? If there is a teacher or other member of staff responsible for pastoral care, they may be able to support, or point you in the right direction.

Here are some other organisations which might be able to help:

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#4

thank you so much for your replies.
we need to chase up some help for her. luckily I think her dad has the worst part behind him so now it’s time to tackle a teenager :wink:
thank you for your kind words, support and help.

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#5

Hi, I lost my brother at 14 my parents tried to offer me counselling but as a teenager you do not really accept it, has she any close friends? x

#6

I think that’s the biggest problem - she doesn’t. she is a very difficult teenager very manipulative and self centered so now after her mum died her dad struggles to read which of her behaviour is staged and which is genuine. maybe it’s every teenager, don’t know :wink:
I am so sorry you’ve lost your brother.
I think her dad will somehow force her to go to counseling and get some help. she needs it.

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#7

Hi,
Yes I rebelled as a teenager as my Mum and Dads relationship suffered too. Yes Teenagers are tricky. Thank you. Maybe try something that she could be really interested in a hobby or something to get her mind focused and distracted. Hope this helps x

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