Tell me it will get easier

The rain is falling along with tears. I desperately want him to walk through the door and give me one of his big hugs. I was thinking if it was me that had gone, It would be him feeling this terrible pain, loneliness and emptiness I am feeling, and I couldn’t bear to think of that.
How do you learn to live without the love of your life?

Hi gentle5
I would love to say you will find all the answers here but you wont. However you will find understanding of what you are going through. Everyone here is feeling what you feel.
For me I am still wondering when it will get easier but honestly I have not yet found it to be so.
I breath in and out and hope for a better day. It is less painfull when I dont think but in not thinking I lose the memory.
A viscious circle but one I cannot avoid.
I do have good moments so its not all doom and gloom.

Hi Tillwemeetagain , I guess deep down I know the answer, thank you for taking the time to reply, it’s very sad that we are all going through this terrible time. I try not to think too much and find things to distract me, walking my dog, baking, puzzles, etc
Lockdown makes it all so much worse. Take care, hugs.

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It’s 3 months since I lost my love Graham and emotions are still raw… if anything I am now struggling more as the shock has passed and now it’s real. I wish I had some words to make this nightmare easier to deal with but I haven’t found them I’m Just taking things one day at a time for now get up get through the day and hoping things get easier. Made an effort to get to shops today that just made me feel sad life going on around so back home to my safe haven x

Take care
Julie x

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Hello Julie, it’s nearly three months for me too, I thought I was coping ok, but it suddenly hits you, I guess your brain has a way of protecting you at first when it’s all so raw. I think it’s being in the house, so many reminders of him and our lives together here, and then suddenly there is this empty space and the silence, that awful silence and feeling of loneliness knowing that this is your life now, changed for ever. So sorry for your loss, it’s a struggle every day without them isn’t it? Hugs.

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I thought I was coping for the first month or so and than I think the realisation of like you say this is it has floored me . I now feel so lost and yes it is a daily struggle. I too am struggling being in the house with all the memories . So sorry for your loss.
Take care
Julie x

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I don’t know… almost four months for me. It’s “better” in some ways as in I don’t keep having the shock as much that I think he is there when I wake up. Worse in that this seems to be real and I cannot cope with that. I need him. Nothing else. just him. It’s so much worse than I ever imagined.

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Hi,

It’s been over three years since my little Teds passing (long story) and it is still very hard. However, I have learned to cope with the help of others. Counselling from this web site and meeting people who I didn’t know who had been through the same situation as myself. I still have bad days and will suddenly have a burst of emotions.

I am now coming off the tablets and wondering what the world has in store for me. But I am here as my wife would have wanted, trying to live a good life and be happy. It will take a long time, but I am looking forward for a future. I still speak to Karen out loud at home, this makes discission making easier. Time is a great healer, live day by day and remember you are loved, even if they are not by your side. We all learn to cope, and it does take time. Never be scared to cry, shout out at the world, be quiet and thoughtful and talk to people even if they look board. The one rule I live by is get up and showered and dressed every day, even if it’s for ten minutes, that’s a big achievement. I hope your jurney is gentle and remember, people here will listen and help. Kindest regards.

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Hi,

Gentle5,

Heartbroken still with the loss of my Mum and Stepdad,4 years ago my Mum in August,and 2 years my Stepdad,who was like a real Dad to me. I have ok days,and bad days,yesterday being a bad. You just have to get through each day,i know though that i am not the same person anymore. How can anyone be,with the loss of those close to them? Try to take one day at a time,i have no choice but to carry on for the sake of my 14 year old son. So Sorry for your loss,Heart goes out to you,Lucy,xxx

Hi Lucy, so sorry for your losses, I have lost both my parents and now my husband, I now realise
grief is a journey and we meet obstacles along the way and sometimes we feel we can’t get past them but somehow we do, I have to be grateful to have been so loved and treasured by such a wonderful, kind man. It hurts so much now, but reading others experiences I think that time does lessen the pain. Hugs.

Gentle5,

Nice to hear from you,and thank you for your reply,Message me if you’d like to talk some more,Lucy,xxx

Hi Lucy, I did send you a pm, not sure if you got it, the easing of the lockdown hasn’t helped me as I still can’t meet friends because they don’t live locally. I hate being on my own, too much time to think.
Hugs.

Gentle,

I meant to get back to you yesterday,but by the time i’d cleaned and hoovered my home,i fell asleep. I Hope that your day has gone alright,i will be on here around 10.30pm,if you’d like to message me again,thank you for your previous messages,comforting when i feel so low,Speak soon,xxx

I am like you
Wanted someone to give me an answer
To tell me what to do to take away all the pain and heartache
I tried counselling but I found I was angry when I left
I was angry at the world for taking him - still am
But it sounds like you loved him dearly
And not everyone experience that kind of love
So when your down CRY stay in bed have me time do what’s best for you
There is no right or wrong thing to do
Then the next day try and pick yourself up and start again

It’s been 2 years since my love of my life died and like you I miss the hugs laughter sharing stuff with him
You will get through it we don’t realise how strong we really are

Sending my love
Xx

Hello Scottie10, Thank you for your kind words, it is true we loved each other dearly and were so happy together and I feel angry too that he was taken in such a cruel way, I take each day as it comes, feel stronger some days more than others, feel so isolated with this awful lockdown, hate being on my own in the house, especially at night, take care xxx

That’s ok, just wanted you to know I was thinking of you. Hope your day has been ok, can’t wait till I can see my friends, it’s so hard this lockdown isn’t it? We have too much time on our own to think. Hugs

Gentle,

I live in Wolverhampton,Maybe in the future when lockdown is eased,we could meet up for a coffee,etc. Just a thought. I have been feeling down now for a few years since losing both my parents,on march the 3rd,it will be my fourth birthday without my Mum,and second one without my Dad. On top of that i have been battling an anxiety disorder since 2012. Thinking of you too,xxx Thanks for your messages xxxx

I lost my darling wife 7 months ago, am totally devastated and miss her desperately. I really have no expectations of overcoming my sense of loss, but a point that you made in your original post does give me a little comfort. I am suffering all this pain and loneness instead of her because, in the big scheme of things, it was inevitable that one of us would be left behind. I am glad to be able to do this for her, it is a part of my love for her. Take care of yourself Gentle5, Peter.

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Dear Peter, I am so sorry for the loss of your dear wife.
I am always brought to tears by all the heartbreak expressed on this site. It must be so very hard for you to cope without your soulmate by your side. We wouldn’t want anyone to go through what we are experiencing, but sadly it is a part of life and we have to try and go on for them, and live our lives the best we can in memory of them. It will never be the same, how could it be, just different. It’s only three months for me and I wonder when it’s going to seem real, because I can’t believe he’s really gone. Take care Peter.

I’m the same , 18 weeks since I lost my partner. I begged the hospital to let me see him but they kept telling me I could only see him if he was end of life . I managed to get him home but only for 3 days then he passed away . My emotions are so mixed up . I want to be in but want to be out , I want company but then I don’t . The loneliness is dreadful all the memories are staring at me . Feeling worse now to when he passed . I’ve also lost two others during this pandemic. I have been seriously ill myself and in hospital. How on earth do I move on from all of this ? Only one thing is that we are all feeling the same . I’m so sorry for yours and everyone else on here’s loss . Take care xxx

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