This is hell! My mum passed last night. I know we are in the very early stages but I’m really struggling. I can’t hold it together around my 8 year old daughter. I’m trying to be strong for her but it’s just not happening.
I can’t get the image of my mums last 30 mins and death out of my head. She went peacefully in hospital with us all around her but the image is haunting me. I feel like I’ll never remember her the way she was before and will always remember the image of her face when she passed.
Please tell me this doesn’t last forever because I’m to take away here.
Hi. I lost my mum 4 weeks ago. I’m also executor and have been keeping myself busy sorting her place. I keep replaying what you’re talking about in my head though and it’s really getting to me. I’m actually going to get councilling. I think maybe talking to a stranger might help. xx
Hi @MrsY and @Sarah-J . I’m so sorry to hear about your losses. I’m nearly 4 months on from losing my dad, my first real experience of loss on this scale too. All I can say is it evolves. You’re both right at the start of a terrible & painful journey. You’ll never get your old life back, and you’ll have to carry pain with you forever. But you’ll learn to live with it. I’m not there yet, I’m told it takes about a year to feel any kind of normality again, and maybe remember them with a smile instead of endless tears. But you can’t rush it, you just have to go through the process. It has helped me to distract myself with TV or work, and to come on here and read other people’s experiences & advice. As for remembering their last moments, that does recede after a while and you remember them more as they were in the good times - although that also brings its own pain. Sorry I can’t be more positive, but for now it’s really just a case of getting through each day, each hour, the best way you can. Take care and come on here & vent whenever you need to. Jack x
@MrsY@Sarah-J so for your losses. I know exactly what you mean my mum died suddenly at the end of December and I found her at home. No sign as she was fine apart from saying she had a bit of a cold. I was also sole Executor so plenty to sort out and the grief hit in waves and I tried to hide it when my son was around. 2 weeks after the funeral I went back to work have not been right since, constant meltdowns and just not able to control it and the shock has probably kicked in. Doctor has referred me for counselling as says it could be trauma as that image of finding her is still there even though I try to picture her the last time when she was laughing and smiling. I know this is going to be a long process and venting on this group is also a good way to deal with it, a day at a time is the only thing you can do just now. Take care.
Valda
Awww I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I keep telling myself that everyone looses their parents at some point but I feel robbed as I’m only 40. She had me at 40 so she was 80 but it doesn’t make it any easier. I know people lose parents at all ages so at least we got this far.
It’s also now got me in a panic about me dying and my daughter going through this as an only child with no siblings to help her.
My dad is also in poor health at 83. He has lung cancer and it’s imminent that we are going to be told there’s no further treatment available and I know for a fact he’s going to massively go downhill without my mum.
My work don’t pay us either for being off. They only pay you for the funeral which I find appalling.
I’m with you. I’m 48 and mum was 90 and I’m the sole executor even though I’m the baby by 14 years. It’s tough. My elder sister isn’t making it easy either as I think she’s having an issue with me being executor. I’m burrying my head in the sand for sure. It’s not good. I have a melt down every now and again. Life will not be the same again for sure as we know. xxx
Sorry for your loss, it’s so awful isn’t it? You are in the raw stage of grief, dealing with the terrible shock. Take everything slowly. You’re going to experience a mass of different emotions so don’t weigh yourself down with expectations. I lost my Mum 10 weeks ago so I’m further on the grief journey. Make good use of the support around you, especially for the care of your daughter. I researched about grief using online materials, this information reassured me that what I was experiencing was normal. Best wishes xx
So sad. My sister is 18 years older and my brother is 17 years older. One of them lives abroad and the other about 400 miles away. They both made it here for when my mum passed and they are still here now and we are going to work through changing everything into my dads name and registering the death etc together but they will both be going home and I’ll have to help dad as best I can while working full time with a child.
MrsY,
You have my deepest condolences. Its so raw and new for you right now and I remember I felt the same when my Mum died nearly 4 months ago.
I replayed the endibg constantly and felt tormented by it (almost regretting choosing to be with her because it was so distressing). I can affirm that it does change a little bit ar a time. Im still reliving it sometimes but not all the time.
It also does bring a sharp focus to our own mortality, someone we’d really not want to ponder…
I put up a nice photo on the mantlepiece, of me and my mum when we had a nice holiday, last night. I wanted to see a lovely memory.
You will be in enormous shock and distress now and there isnt a short cut. Ive had some counselling and it did help a bit.
Just take absolutely any help thats offered, from anywhere!
It is hell at the moment and it does normalise our experience reading posts on here.
Mazza x
