In a limbo of grief , how do you tell primary age and teens that their parent will not ‘wake up’ from vegetative state and manage their grief in losing their parent before they have passed…and what to do when they do pass. How can you bear to give your children this news?
1 Like
Hello @Sarah47, thank you for reaching out. I’m so sorry that you and your family are in this heartbreaking situation.
We have written a guide on how to tell children that a loved one is dying. You can find it here: Telling a child a loved one is dying - help and support | Sue Ryder
I hope that it can help you to have these difficult conversations. Please do keep reaching out to the community for support too - you are not alone.
Take care,
Seaneen
1 Like
Thank-you xx
Hello ive only just seen your message. Yes mine are 17,13 and 10 …how do you tell children of this age and as a mum you want to protect them and not smash their world to bits. Dad was fine one minute and the next in vegetative state…no transistion just a long limbo. They cant see him as that would traumatise them, they dont let under 12s into icu apparently and i can only update them when i get updates from his family, about weekly (as we divorced). Sure your kids and mine will come through with support from us , but yes it goes against mum instinct to give such bad news. Im trying to get a memory box together in readiness and have asked their schools and college for support x
Theres just layers of distress, his family will im.sure jot be thinking straight as theyll be in a limbo of grief too. its is difficult and all i want is for the kids to be ok and for him to not suffer. Was my husband for 10 years and the father rif my 3 children. My brain is like mashed potato most days! I am grateful for your message xxx
1 Like
Dear Sarah47
I think getting your children some counselling before and after to help them cope would be good, but of course being open and allowing them to know bit more, would help them in the long run to manage their emotions. Children can be amazingly resilient sometimes. They are probably worrying about you too. I hope you find your way through this heartbreaking time. Margarita
1 Like
Thank you x i think my counselling will be availability imminently.
I reached out to the chaplaincy team at the hospital for support there when we visit but his family have kicked off about that … it wasn’t for a religious way but for comfort and safe place.
For outside of the hospital through ive reached out to our local vicar who also knew the boys dad. Weve not had anything to do with the church for quite a few years but he said to come for a cuppa and ‘lets find a way forwards’ . So maybe he could be with me when i tell the boys as he does always manage to find the right words.