It’s been 16 days since I lost my husband. It was a sudden and unexpected death, he was only 66. We went everywhere together so every time I leave the house I bump into another person who asks after my husband and I have to explain that he has died, whilst tears are running down my face and we both feel awkward. My coping method is to try and block out the last two weeks, wrapping my feelings up tightly, taking things one step at a time. Trying to stop the ‘if only’s’ constantly going round and round. I am so sick of constantly reliving that moment, it’s got so I’m scared to leave the house. How do others cope with all this? People are only being nice but they are getting on my nerves. I don’t want to see another condolence card, or hear another ‘anything we can do’. I feel like screaming. I’m sure I haven’t fully accepted he is gone. I know I have a long way to go. Just want to be left alone.
Its no consolation to write this to you. And i am so sorry for your loss. My wonderful husband died 8 weeks ago suddenly and unexpectedly like yours.
Like you i didnt like bumping into people who always saw us together and ask the same questions.
I walk on my own a lot when my family are not around and i go to a supermarket for a few things where im unlikely to bump into anyone i know. I personally feel i have to get out sometime during the day . I have a wonderful family but sometimes i want to be on my own. I cant pretend its getting easier but i couldnt do without the fresh air. Are there quiet walks near you? Heartsand
I know that feeling, I have been avoiding going out alone. Don’t even like walking the dog but I have been trying to do a bit each day. I wish I had some good advice that would help but I know there isn’t any so sending a hug
Take care
Walking has always been my happy place- walk for hours with the dog. I really want to get the pleasure from walking back so trying to do a little at a time. Take care xx
Debsie, I know where you are right now. It is awful. Tomorrow is one month for me, I still stay home and only go out for short trips for necessities. I am robotic and numb, going through motions. I make a list of 5 things to accomplish each day and get them done. I plan only an hour ahead of time because I just don’t know what the next hour will feel like.
It is okay to be home, alone and by yourself. I have been since the day after my husband’s funeral. I don’t want to see anyone really and only talk to a few, a very few on the phone for a spell. I try not to call because I know talking to me is sad and depressing and hearing the stories of how their lives are just rushing along, although delightful, seems to widen a gap.
In the olden days, mourning officially lasted one year where no one expected the widow or widower to resume their life as normal for at least that long.
For me, looking at photos of when my husband was young help me imprint better images in my head than the one I witnessed.
Please stop the “if onlys”. We can “if only” ourselves back to Eve not eating the fruit of the forbidden tree. Whatever it is, it is in the past, and we can do nothing about it now. Let it go before you spiral into despair. It truly is a burden that is not yours to bear.
The first 2 weeks were filled with cards, flowers, friends, family, food and plans. The second two weeks is a continuation of manic cleaning and sorting as we try to put our lives in order.
Peace be upon you. Love, from New Orleans.
When some people asked “is there anything I can do?”, I said “yes”. “Can you drive me to the grocery store as I am not mentally fit to drive?” “Can you stop by and help me move something?” “Can you recommend a housekeeper?” Everyone really wants to help you, all you have to do is let them know what you need. They are trying to show you love.