Ten months to connect to people

Finally after ten months of reading all the heartfelt messages to loved ones and being unable to voice my grief I have at last joined this community.
After a very long battle with several rare and debilitating illnesses the love of my life lost her battle on Nov 8th 2019 aged just 51 . My beloved patricia (tee) used to be a nurse and was a dynamic ,intelligent (far more intelligent than me )
and caring soul with a bright future .
At first the month that passed after was made up of shock , anger , jealousy that some folk were happy in their lives or seeing old couples hand in hand walking about secure with each other ,and we were not going to have that .
Months passed in what seemed a haze of day after day drudge , no purpose to anything ,a pointless existence of thinking how can I possibly carry on a life without my darling by my side .
I read many conversations on here and found some sort of comfort in the idea that you are not alone on this journey .
It took ten months before I thought I could write something down without it sounding total nonsense .
The grief changes over time , I miss her like crazy , at first it was so painful I didn’t think it was possible for a person to bear that much pain .
the pain is now realising that I will never see her again , it seems more real over time ,the loss .
In the early stages you are so shocked that life events dont really register , I lost my best friend two months after my tee but even that was just more grief on top of grief and so was bearable . You cope because you change with it , your not the same person that dealt with the loss at first you are altered for life , maybe to become a better person , in time a stronger person , you did that for me tee you changed me into a stronger person (again ) and I love you forever


So sorry to hear about your loss, Geoff, and so glad you have managed to find the strength to write about your feelings. Hopefully that will help you at this site.

Hello Geoff-tee, I’m so sorry for the loss of your darling tee. Your post is heartfelt and reflects how I and many of us feel at the loss of our loved ones. It’s obviously taken some courage to eventually post on here after ten months and I’m sure it will give you some comfort to continue posting and expressing your feelings.
I’m sure you will become a stronger person, I surely hope I become stronger in time.
You’re in our thoughts. AL

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So glad you found the courage to post Geoff tee. I was the same as you for over a year. Reading the posts from all these lovely people but never joining the community. But I am so glad I did. I know that on here I can be true to myself and say exactly as I want. It is nearly 2years since I lost Ron and it still feels like mins. I lost the person I was on the day I found out he had cancer but somehow I gained a strength I never knew I had. I convinced myself that he would not become another statatistic and I always had a plan B. Now I have no plans C or D because I list him to pancreatic cancer and sepsis but like you I have become a stronger person. I hope one day that there will be some kind of normal again for all of us but in the meantime we can help each other whenever we feel like we are falling. Keep posting. This site has helped me more than anything.

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Sorry for spelling errors. Hope you can make out what I meant. I forget to check sometimes.

Forgetting things is our new normal I think, it’s hard to keep a constant thought these days

Thank you abdullah

Thank you Lets hope that we do get stronger ,

Hello Geoff, I am so glad you joined this site as you will find many people who are willing to help and more importantly willing to listen. We do need to talk about our loved ones as it is all we have left and we need to share this. i am 8 weeks into the loss of my beloved Mike and life here on my own is tough. No family near. I have found a few lovely people to ring and chat with and one lovely lady rings me every morning and we chat while we sit at our homes having breakfast. Keep posting and if you want to private message me then please do.

I am so sorry for your loss. It might have taken you a while to post as you say but what you posted was so deep and heartfelt and full of wisdom that you have learned along the way. You have hit the nail on the head and expressed so very perfectly what so many of us have experienced in our own way. It is so hard when you have so deep a love a true connection. And even harder when you have lost the love of your life so very young. I think it is easier to lose someone if you both get to a great age you are sad of course but you have lived and that made a difference. I remember when I lost my aunt (surrogate gran) I loved her so much but I didn’t miss her so much as I missed the other people I lost I felt so guilty because it wasn’t like I loved her any less in fact I had this special bond with her and cherished her so much. Then I realised I didn’t miss her as much because although I was very upset she was gone from my life I also knew she had lived and hadn’t missed out on so much. But my dad died young and he was still so vital and strong so I felt he had so much living to do. Now I come to my point my mum often told me how she felt like you when she saw old couples walking hand in hand she felt cheated as if he had been stolen away from her. Its maybe that your grief for your friend got swallowed up because your grief for your wife was so all consuming which is completely understandable… You may find that your grief for your friend may come back to you later not so all consuming as what you have already experienced but different and triggered by a memory that catches you unawares. I have experienced this and so have others I have known on here and in real life. Btw your wife sounds like she was an amazing person to be around.
Thinking of you lots. Take care.

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