When do we fully understand that our loved ones have gone? And how we we cope with missing their tenderness?

I woke this morning at 4am and reached out in bed to touch my Andrew as I often did when I woke up in the night, he used to tell me to stop slapping his head :blush: then it suddenly dawned on me that it was his pillow. Subconsciously he’s with me for a moment untill I’m fully awake, then the harsh reality hits.

I miss his touch so so much, for 18 years he was always there, keeping me warm at night and making me feel so loved and content. How do you get used to being alone? Will I stop craving his touch? Warmth? Passion? Love? Cuddles?

It’s such a cruel world!


I know what you mean, my husband used to reach over to me if he woke in the night to touch me, and now the bed feels so empty without him there. We were married for 25 years and always did everything together, now I hate being alone.


I do the same reach out to touch him when I wake in the night. I don’t think that will ever stop, or stop hurting with the realisation he’s not there anymore
As usual I’m in tears because I’ve just woken and he’s not here. I dont know if that will ever stop. Same at night when I go to bed and he’s not there to hold me, kiss me goodnight snd tell me he loves me


The bad news is that we never stop wanting some tenderness, but the good news is that our subconscious gets fed up with beating us up badly and the want becomes a little sadness, and you’ll be ok. Takes time though.
It’s been two years for me, and it happened last night. I was in a dreamy twilight zone, and felt a body pressed into my back, with gentle breaths coming from her pillow. So I turned over and reached out. It was only when I felt a tongue in my ear, I realised I was tickling one of the dog’s ears!
I am now able to put a positive spin on it, the dogs were the love of her life, and I assume that she sent them to comfort me, so I can now smile, and say thank you to her, and just feel a little sad!
We find a way to cope.

Now for my regular morning chat to her, sat in the conservatory, looking at the garden in the sunshine.

Be strong and try to be positive, yet realistic.

Good luck


I also used to reach out to try and snuggle up with my husband through the night only to be distraught when I woke and realised he wasn’t there.
After I came back from living in the hospice with him for those last weeks I just started sleeping on his side of the bed. For some reason it feels much better and like we are still sharing the same space.
I pray for time to let this pain ease slightly and hope that all of us on this site find the strength just to get through each day. Holding your hand as we all walk this journey together and sending love.



I’m sorry for your loss to.

It’s just really hard isn’t it. :hugs:



I’m sorry you are going through this to. Hopefully it’ll get easier for us all :heart:

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Sorry to hear about your loss :heart:

Made me giggle about your dog! I also have a dog who is a big comfort, I used to have to wake them both up to stop the snoring as I couldn’t work out who it was.

Take care :hugs:



Thank you for your kind words :smiling_face:

I hope that you’ll be ok to :heart:


What a teribly awful time were all having to endure. At the moment I can’t see a light at the end of the tunnel but hopefully wth time things will improve, maybe an acceptance of whats happened. Even after 9 weeks, when I had to make a phone call about changing the name on the water bill I was in tears, I thought I’d started to cope but obviously I haven’t. The lady on the phone was lovely and so compassionate and helped me through the call.
Maybe one day… thats all I seem to keep saying