Terminal cancer treatment has stole my mum

My mum has been diagnosed with stage 4 cancer 2.5 years ago. She was told that it was inoperable and that she had 18 months max. She underwent chemotherapy and was told that she had a great response and was operable. They operated and her recovery was barbaric but she underwent chemo and was told she was cancer free…
We were elated thinking she had beaten it against all odds. She was called a “miracle” despite the brutal recovery.

Then it returned not long after. She was given a different chemo and it was shrinking. She suffered side effects from the different chemo and her mood was very low.

She had 6 months off due to the side effects (numbness in her fingers and sores in her mouth) and the fact that the chemo had worked and had kept her cancer manageable even though it had spread (was primary bowel cancer spread to her liver. Now in her lungs)
After her 6 months off, her scan said that it was growing again and that she needed more chemo. She didn’t want more and was saying that she would let nature take its course. Which Ofcourse upset all of us. She hadn’t been completely incapacitated by chemo, she had had some semblance of a normal life so we couldn’t understand her reasoning.

She is now back on the chemo but is a very bitter and angry woman who takes no joy from life. The woman who was my mum is now gone. It’s as though she is jealous of everyone else and their ability to live their life. I have tried to get her to speak with macmillan or to go to therapy but she won’t. I know this sounds so selfish, but I want my mum back. Every conversation turns to cancer and death and I don’t see the pin t of prolonging life if she is going to spend it miserable. I want my mum here for as long as I can but this woman is no longer my mum.

Has anyone else been through this?

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Hello Bigbeans

I’m so sorry to hear about your mum. Thank you for bravely sharing this with the community :blue_heart: I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I just wanted to let you know that you have been heard and you are not alone.

Take good care,

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Your words really resonate. Thank you for taking the time from your own experience to respond to me. I appreciate you so much.
I’m the eldest and always the voice of reason and I have a very rational mind ordinarily.
I did tell my mum that none of us can understand what she’s going through and that we shouldn’t have any say in her decisions. That I would respect any decision she makes regardless of how I feel about it.

But I won’t lie, I hate the thought of her giving up while she’s not suffering. In my opinion, if she was suffering I’d understand, but while the treatment is tolerable she isn’t suffering and if she stops treatment then she will suffer.

Maybe I’m being selfish and prolonging the inevitable. Infact I am but to refuse treatment when it is being offered is essentially suicide.

It’s just so hard because I’m not going through it so I don’t know what she feels. Nobody does. I just want her to enjoy what time she has left but she’s so bitter and miserable and I find myself avoiding her company and that makes me feel so bad.

She used to be such a fun loving woman, now she doesn’t want to talk about anything other than cancer. She has no interest in anyone else, it’s like she is bitter about other people who don’t have cancer. I understand it, I do but it’s hard. I just miss my mum and she’s driving a wedge between us by turning into a bitter twisted woman who has no interest in anything good.

God that sounds so selfish but I needed to get that out