My partner of 30 years has been told she has terminal cancer. She was first diagnosed with oestrogen related breast cancer in 2017. She then got secondary breast cancer in 2019 stayed steady until recently and has now soread to liver and spine. She also has mylofybrosis. Its thrown us both she is a kind hearted person, always giving to charities. This is so cruel. Why can’t they cure this wretched disease ? The Oncologist delivered the news in a cold unemotional adress. No warmth whatsoever we are only numbers and statistics to them. I genuinely am not sure if i can recover from this.
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Hello @Bullywee78,
I’m Seaneen, and I’m part of the Online Community team. I wanted to say thank you for bravely reaching out. I’m so sorry to hear about your partner.
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few resources which might be helpful right now.
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Macmillan offers support to the families of people living with cancer. They have an online chat which is open until 8pm every day. They also have a free support line which you can call on 0808 808 00 00.
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Our Supporting someone at the end-of-life pages contain practical advice for those helping someone close to death and information about what you can expect when death is near.
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Our Anticipatory grief page talks about the feelings associated with grief in the days, months or years before someone dies. This is known as anticipatory grief, as you are grieving for someone who is still alive.
I hope you find the community a good source of support to you.
Take good care - you are not alone.
Seaneen
I am so sorry you and your wife are going through this awful journey. I lost my husband to cancer 6 months and have found lots of support here…
Thanks for your kind words
Thanks for your kind words and support it meabs so much.
@Bullywee78
I am so sorry for your situation. You are perfectly right it is so very, very cruel. And yes a lot of medical folk, however good they may be at the rest of their jobs, don’t have a clue of how to deliver this sort of news and the impact it has.
My husband had an incurable bone marrow cancer he lived with for 10 and a half years from diagnosis. It was remitting relapsing and he had at least six major relapses in that time, a whole load of different chemo regimes, two stem cell transplants, various operations. It was a huge, emotional obstacle course. On the 1st Feb 2023 we went to a new consultant in Leeds trying to get onto a different chemo regime as he had relapsed terribly. We had a list of possible new fancy ‘trials’ meds etc. She said no to everything and just said “Go away and get your affairs in order”. They put him on a really old style chemo of ‘last resort’ and said don’t expect more than 4-6 months. I really don’t know how I drove us home. It’s hell. But he actually responded better to that chemo than he had to any of the others all along. When he passed away in August 2024 his disease count was normal, but he had numerous other illnesses and got an infection suddenly which was what got him in the end.
One practical piece of advice for you is to make sure you get all the support you can. If you haven’t been referred to palliative care, then ask for that. They do a whole host of things, not just the final days. If you haven’t got a blue badge, they will get you one fast tracked. If you aren’t on PIP they can probably get you that fast-tracked too (it’s not means tested). Also if you want they will help her do a “Respect form”. This details out her wishes as things progress. I can’t deny it is utter hell to talk about it, but it offers some control which can be a comfort. Your GP may even be able to do it. And make sure you are in contact wth your local district nurses too.
You are probably already in contact with local cancer support and carer support groups, as it has been a long road for you, but if not I’d recommend that too.
Many people on here have stories of caring for partners through long illnesses so you may find some comfort reading around. But most of all just be with each other and talk to each other.
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Sarie your kind understanding words mean so much its invaluable advice. I hsve been in regular touch with the Mcmillan nurses and will be attending the Maggie regularly on a weekly basis forcas long aa is necessary. Im taking all support thats going. Talking is helpful. I wont be alone with my thoughts. The worst part is seeing the decline in the person. Nurses are great the oncologists sadly don’t have the correct people skills. Take care Sarie.and thanks for your support.
Cancer is very cruel and very hard to cure . I think because there are so many types of cancer . I think cancer is not a disease but the human cells in the body going wrong.My son lived for less than 3 months after being diagnosed
That’s heartbreaking . My heart goes out to you.