Hi my name is Ashley. I’m new here to this site. Never done this before. Feel pretty lost an wanted to reach out a get some advice from others who have gone through the same thing. So thank you in advance.
I have always been super close with my mom. She was the only parent I had all my life. She was always so fun an loud an such a good hearted person. I always say she was like a best friend rather than a parent lol we spoke everyday whether that be through text or video chat which that was our favorite. I’ve struggled with anxiety for as long as I can remember. Always health anxiety an just the constant worry of what could happen. Since losing my mom it has gotten so much worse. In February of this year I lost her unexpectedly. I remember waking up that morning to a cop car in my driveway not thinking anything of it my husband comes to me an says you may wanna sit down it’s your mom she’s gone. At that moment I felt like I was in a dream with those words echoing in my head. Wasn’t sure what to do with myself. It’s almost like living in a fog or a haze nothing feels real anymore. It’s now been 7 months an it’s just been constant fear and worry. I can’t properly grieve the loss of my mom because of my own mind. I literally feel like something bad is gonna happen at any moment whether that’s the death of myself or someone else I love. My anxiety has caused me to have physical symptoms which I’m convinced isn’t anxiety that it’s really something wrong. It all sounds so crazy when I say it out loud but it’s what I’m living with. I’m hoping there is someone else who is going through this or has gone through this that could offer me some advice.
Hi Ashley,
So sorry for your loss.
I identify with how ur feeling. I lost my mum at the end of April then 3 days after her funeral, I lost my dad. I had to arrange one funeral right after another. During that period, my whole world was just darkness, anxiety, bad bad anxiety. I sat up at night imagining who’s going to die next. I imagined everyone I know dying and how I would react to each death. I was in that dark place for weeks.
Anxiety is a very common thing in the grieving process. Try to just get through hour to hour.
After my dad’s funeral, I have constantly distracted myself and thought I was doing so well until a few weeks ago…all came crashing down.
Please let yourself grieve properly or else it gets worse when it eventually reaches the surface.
Take care xx
Hello I lost my Dad suddenly in July and I have also suffered with anxiety in the past and health anxiety .It’s horrible and make you feel physically ill as you have said .
I am also worrying about the future and always thinking the worst thing is going to happen .
I think it is only natural at this early stage . I wish I could help more but grief is such a tangle of horrible emotions .
I think you have come to the right place . Everyone is struggling here and we can help each other … it helps to know others understand . That’s all I can offer for now xx
Thank you so much for responding.
Gosh I’m so sorry for your loss
I’ve been through so many emotions since. I went from being scared of every noise to being scared to walk around my own house. Scared to death to go to sleep because I think I won’t wake up. Scared to leave the house. Terrified that every sickness or symptom I have is something bad. I’ve always dealt with anxiety but it’s been absolutely terrible. I make up scenarios in my head as if things are really happening. I’m kinda lost in myself an don’t know where to go from here. Every since I’ve lost her I’ve dealt with chest pain that radiates an it feels like a heart attack every time I get checked I’m ok but my mind tells me otherwise because it just won’t stop ive lost family members in the past but it’s never done this to me. I know I need to grieve her before it sneaks up on me but I don’t know how to.
Hi Ashley,
You are not alone bec many people feel like you do.I personally have felt very anxious since mum passed last Dec. I worry a lot more now about all sorts of things even trivial things and my confidence has been shattered.
It is all part of the grieving process and goodness knows how long it will last for.i expect it’s different for everyone.
Keep posting on here as this site is a lifeline and it’s good to know others are here for you
Big hugs
Deborah x
Gosh I resonate with all these comments so much…. You are not alone! Just being able to articulate here is helpful for me. My mum died suddenly 12 weeks ago. She was 85 so to some it felt they thought expected but to me she was well and loved life. Since then I’ve become super aware of my own mortality and health. On the day of her funeral I felt certain I was having a heart attack… I wasn’t of course but did get a thorough check at my GP who was able to diagnose shock from trauma and severe anxiety. It’s hard but I make sure I breathe deeply when things are tough and talk about my mum. Big hugs everyone
Hi Butterfly 1906,
I know how you feel.I often thought I was having a heart attack in the very beginning.Copibgvwith grief left me feeling so anxious. My mum was 89 and again I understand how you thought many thought it was expected but my mum was so young at heart fun and had a wonderful zest for life.I thought she had a few more years at least. Such a shock when it happened so quick.I have found I like to stay home as much as I can.its the feeling of being safe I think. I am retired now so thankfully don’t have to worry about work.
I feel when I meet people they don’t ask about mum anymore so that hurts I sometimes start a conversation about her but it soon ends. People are more interested in what I am going to do with her house,has probate come through,etc I find I make up things like I am buying the house just to shut people up.
I have also lost my confidence and so prefer the quiet life now. I will venture out more in time but for now I am ok as I am.
My mum’s funeral is a blur. I think I was strong because I wanted everything to go the best it could for her so I remember watching out for everything going on . I think I spoke a load of rubbish to people outside the church and at the wake I just about got through it without collapsing. Mum would have been proud of what I did for her I am sure.
I still find it difficult to talk on the telephone to strangers about mum’s passing eg utility people.i just sob and make a fool of myself.Tears come from nowhere at the slightest thing that triggers me. I hate it when I am asked the date of deseased !!! Can’t they have the decency to phrase it a bit more gently.
Yes I have learnt to breathe better when I am very upset and it helps a little.
Keep going and smal steps
Deborah x
