Terrible Night

Hi everyone, had a terrible night. I couldn’t get to sleep and then woke up in the middle of the night ABSOLUTELY FRIGHTENED at how can I cope without Dave and feel so hopeless at the thought of a lonely future. I have no close family either and Dave was estranged from his family so we just had each other .Now I am so alone. In the night I felt panicky and sick and had terrible thoughts of not being able to face the future. It is the worst night I have had since I lost Dave in July. Yes, I have had other bad nights but last night really scared me. I am glad I am not at work. Now I am worrying about the same thing happening tonight. I know bad nights are part of the course of this awful bereavement and grieving journey but just wanted to share it on this site. Take care everyone.

Karen I’m so sorry you’ve had such a terrible night. It sounds very distressing and absolutely not what you’d want to be feeling. You’re never alone, Karen. I cannot imagine how you feel, but I know that you are not alone - at the very least you have the people here to talk to.

If this isn’t your first bad night, have you thought about maybe talking to your doctor, or a counsellor? You don’t mention your friends in your post - could you open up to one of them about how you’re feeling? Your future is what you make it, and you don’t have to be lonely. Having never met yourself or Dave, I can’t say “he wouldn’t want you to be lonely”, but when I find things get tough, I think about what would my mum want me to do, how would she want me to feel, and I find that forces me to keep going and trying to be happy and trying to move forward.

I would definitely recommend doing some pampering/relaxing things before bed tonight to try and get you ready for sleep. Lavender body lotion, candles, scented things, read a book, a bath, meditation, calming music, there are hundreds of options out there.

Take care today, be kind to yourself. :slight_smile:

Dear Karen,

I am sorry that you had a bad night, isn’t it strange how these things come into our minds without any warning. I am lucky, I still have my husband and he is a gem. He was diagnosed with prostate cancer some months ago and the consultant has decided to “wait and see”, he goes back sometime in November. My brother, who was one of the lights in my life, died quite suddenly in November 2015, I just cannot accept it. It is strange, I sometimes feel that he is beside me. I am eight years older than him, my mother always blamed Hitler for the large age gap (dad being overseas for four years). Thank God my dad came home, ten months after he was home my brother was born, they didn’t waste anytime. :slight_smile: . My sister followed my brother three years later and I loved them to bits. Anyway, Karen, I have rattled on enough, I just want you to know that there are very caring people on this forum. I am sure that if you feel frightened again, during the night, there will be someone around with whom you can exchange messages. It is very sad, I am not speaking to my sister and ex sister-in-law. some things were said about my brother only two days after his funeral, which just weren’t true and I had to speak out. Sorry, Karen, here I go again, take care of yourself and rest in the knowledge that one day you will be reunited with your beloved husband. God Bless, Mary

Hi Karen
So sorry you had a bad night and hope tonight better for you. I have had similar nights panicking about how i will cope with the house, work, children etc . It was triggered by having to mot car which is something she always did and then worrying about if it failed and how i would find a garage that wouldnt rip me off. It probably sounds silly but i can remember feeling like i wanted to stay in bed and hide from the world and felt really sick and crying.
I dont feel so anxious about things now probably because past caring and what will be will be. I am lucky i have a very supportive family who will help me with some of these things so need to get things into proportion (easier said than done I know)
My very best wishes for a peaceful evening and hope tonight easier for you
Carol x

Hi Karen

I quite understand your panic attacks. Try to read a motivational book on grief or listen to the radio. I find when black thoughts come into my mind at night, I do something to distract me.

If you feel very bad and can’t be distracted, then phone the Samaritans. They are there to listen to you and a problem shared is a problem halved. You don’t have to feel suicidal, they are there to listen objectively.

Do you have friends you can chat to, or go out with, during the day?

At least you can post your feelings on here, as you won’t be judged and we’re all going through similar situation.xx