It’s been a few weeks since I’ve posted on this site. It’s just over a year now since I lost my husband of 40 years within seven weeks of his cancer diagnosis.
I don’t know if others on here are finding the same, but I just feel that those around me feel I should be over my grieving by now. They don’t really want to know how devastated, sad and at a loss I still feel when they ask me how I’m doing.
My son acts as if his dad never existed and my daughter just tells me to get professional counselling and stay off this site! Even my sister, who has been very supportive, tells me to move nearer her and then all will be fine.
The only way to avoid any ‘arguments’ is to keep my real thoughts and feelings to myself and just pretend all is ok.
So, I’ve found myself in the situation where I can only confide my true feelings to people I’ve met through this site or who are reading this. Hence the name I’ve given this post!
Hi .this site is the only place I can put my true feelings down . I keep up an act in front of my adult kids . I feel if I open up to them and start crying properly I will never stop . I don’t want to put all my grief onto them either. They need to try and have a happy life best they can without there dad. I did try to tell my colleague . But they didn’t really understand and eventually I just gave up trying to explain to them how I feel . So yes I am thankful for this site. And all the kind and lovely people on who do understand. Xtake carex
Yes it’s amazing how well we do putting on a brave face, even at night if I’m crying I keep it low because I don’t want to disturb everyone else, it’s a year for me and I’m still feeling sad, melancholy for all we could have had and sorrow for what we never will have again, everything so bittersweet and having to reshape in every way, everyone has been so kind and they keep telling me how well I’m doing, but inside I’ve died too they just can’t see it, I just need to keep plodding on and maybe something will happen to give me some hope, I keep seeing white feathers and think maybe ? Who knows !! thinking if everyone on our sad journey xx
Hi your words are exactly how I feel . I can’t see any future for me almost 11 months since my life was destroyed ,I really don’t know how I have managed to plod on and can’t see it getting any better. I also see white feathers .infact I pick them up and keep them in my jewelry box. The things we do just for a piece of comfort and hope .xtake carex
Every morning the same pain comes with the fact I am waking up to another log lonely day seeing no one and I just cannot put one foot in front of the other to go anywhere. How long I go on like this I do not know as the pain of not seeing him anymore is slowly killing me. I do not think there is anyone who would miss me anyway.
Jessica
Hi so sorry you are feeling like this .it’s so hard without our partners .so difficult managing to get through each day. This site is so helpful always someone who understands how we feel .And we can vent and moan and say how unhappy we are without upsetting friends or family .thinking of you xtake carex