@Angiejo2
Aww how lovely he bought you a satin red rose card and you still have it. Sounds like your husband had a great sense of humour telling everyone he paid £35 for it. Its so sad to carry our grief forever but it shows how deep our love was for the best person we have ever known.
Amy x
Dear @Angiejo2
A big kid, just like my husband too. He was so much fun, I told everyone I never wanted him to grow up and I meant that.
I don’t know how I got to be here, jts still so unreal.
Like you, my birthday will mean nothing without his daft but well-chosen card.
His gifts to me over the years were spectacular- no gold or diamonds- doc martens, parts for my motorbike- he knew me so well.
It’s just too much for us to miss, isn’t it? How you have survived 3 years I just cannot imagine.
i am in bits reading all these posts i lost my tony 10 weeks ago very suddenly i cannot get the pictures of what happened out of my head also the moment i closed his eyes we have been together since i was 13 and would have been married 40 yrs in February i still cant accept i will never see his beautiful eyes again
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Hello Carol,my husband passed away 9weeks ago,we were only young,married for 51yrs,I also cannot accept I will not see Steve again,absolutely heartbroken,grief for his loss is so painful,don’t know how to get through this.Being on this forum has helped,
realised I’m not the only person feeling like this
Take care of yourself
Christine x
It’s the probably the hardest thing we will have to face in our lifetimes, to lose a lifetime of love, care, compassion, fun. I thought grief was losing my mum then my dad 9months later. I know now what losing your soulmate looks like & feels like at almost a year since losing my husband. A year gone by in a fog.
You will find posts here that will help, we understand what it’s like, from the moment of loss onwards.
I wish you strength to face the future and hope you can get some support from friends and family xx
Maigret
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This site, has kind of become my family, Shell and me, met in later life, so no children, have one son from a previous relationship, but he has his own problems, he has come out as gender fluid, so isn’t sure what he is. Shell had two children , one a son, I don’t see much off, the daughter, is constantly asking for money, she has a 4 year old daughter, nearest to a grandchild , I will get, so , for her her sake, I generally give in , in cash demands. Its hard to fight , without Shell by my side, feel like it’s me against the world, I try to live a normal a life as I can, but sometimes, it’s to hard, and I find myself just sitting doing nothing, just havnt got the energy, people accuse me of wallowing I’m self pity, I don’t, but sometimes I think , what’s the point.
Take care.
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My birthday is just a date where my age increases by 12 months. It holds nothing without my husband.
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Dear @Sheila26. My husband used to tell everyone I was older than him, he even would say ‘much’ older to wind me up. I was older by 3 months.
As you say, it’s just 12 months older now, no celebration…
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Dear Maigret
There was 6 months between myself and husband. He used to tell people I was his toy boy. It helped his story that he only had about 12 grey hairs and a full set of hair. If only …
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today is the first time since i lost tony that i really feel that i am not alone and unfortunately there are others who know exactly how i feel
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There are times, when it’s almost normal, then something triggers the mind, we will always feel lost, even in a crowd, takes two to be in common, sadly we are just one now.
Take care.
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Dear PeteE59
I am sure that some friends and family members would say the same about me as they sit next to their partners so I take no heed. We all deal with grief differently, I know that I will never get over the loss of my husband. I have accepted he has gone but still find myself sitting on the settee looking across to where my husband should be sitting and wondering how it came to this. Shock, disbelief and heartbreak.
Take care.
I think, actually, I am not doing to badly, people are at different points in their journeys, I go to work, outwards I probably seem fine, bit like a duck on the water, outwardly calm, underneath,splashing around, not really knowing where yo go, or what to do. We try to move on, I have to, I promised Shell, I owe her so much, to try and live on, is the only way I can re pay , how much I owe her.
Take care.
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Maigret.
Thank you for your kind reply. I really don’t know how I have survived this long. In a way it has absolutely flown by and in another way I feel I am dreaming that I was ever married. I have had days of absolutely intense grief where I have felt my heart would drop out and then I have had days where I have not cried. I have even had a day or two where I have felt normal again. But I know the sunami ( sorry if spelt incorrectly) is always waiting and in the midst of feeling happiness I have broken down with grief. I can’t ever feel like the old ‘me’ again.
I am just riding a wave even though I am seeing someone new now. I know I will never feel the same for anyone else that I felt for my husband. I bring him into conversations because I never want him to leave me. I think about him whenever I pass a pub we visited, or when I see people we went out with as other couples. The memories are everywhere and just pop into my head at the unlikeliest of times.
I have laughed and cried at the same time. I just feel like I am living a lie.
But the pain overall has lessened to a dull ache and a feeling of flatness that I can just about cope with and allows me to function. It seems impossible that I have come this far. In the beginning I could not even collect his ashes or even look at them. My daughter kept them for six months until it sunk in that his death was a reality.
You WILL survive
You will find your own way of doing it but you WILL. God bless.
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Amy 49. Thank you for your lovely reply. He did have a great sense of humour and he was very dry witted. I miss him with all my heart. X
It will become, some,kind of normal, I am happy for you, that you have found someone, to at least spend time with, I am not sure if I want to, nobody would want me anyway, some kind of peace, will at some point.
Take care.
Another Friday night, here I am again , these 4 walls, but just don’t have the energy to go out. Would only be sitting in the pub on my own anyway, No doubt Shell, would say pull your self together, always tomorrow,
Take care.
Well just found out, I can’t see Granddaughter over Christmas, spending it with her Dad, apparently I should not be having her overnight, so her Dad says . Sorry Shell, promised I would make sure Amelia, would be okay, looking like I am not allowed.
Take care.
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